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Original poster

Well it's happened as predicted and I'm so sad for my lovely friend

412 replies

fandom · 04/09/2023 19:30

My best friend who I've been close to for over twenty years got into a relationship a few years ago.
He was made up as he has very little interest on sex and she accepted it.
He told her from the beginning that he never wanted children and that he probably wouldn't be able to creat a baby such was his disinterest in sex. She told him at the beginning that she wanted children more than anything in the world.
A couple of years passed. He continued to live like a man with no commitments .. constant nights out, holidays and weekends away. She was always waiting in the wings.
He is wealthy and comes from a loving and close family . She is the opposite. He said he would never be getting married. Just isnt for him.
I felt he was leading her on a bit and told him so. I also suggested that if she wanted a baby that much that she would make it happen regardless. He said she'd changed her mind and didn't want a baby after all ! He didn't like it and we drifted for a few weeks. That was a few years ago. All perfect since.
I was always worried that she would get pregnant against his expressed wishes as I knew how much she wanted a baby and how much he didn't and Lo and behold she is.
He is shocked. Idiot fell for the withdrawal method that she told him was 99% effective. He doesn't even understand how this happened .
She is now pushing for marriage. He says no way.
I am gutted for him. He looks so blank and pale. I really don't trust her at all.

OP posts:
Motherofalittledragon · 04/09/2023 21:31

So your friend treated her appallingly, had unprotected sex with her and now she is pregnant, in what world is he a victim. And if he can't understand how it happened he should have been paying more attention in his biology lessons at school!

Mble · 04/09/2023 21:32

Based on your posts, it sounds like you are interested this man and he enjoys the attention, so he has strung you along by playing down his relationship with his girlfriend.

oakleaffy · 04/09/2023 21:32

Dymaxion · 04/09/2023 21:27

Is it actually his?

Very easy to check with 100% certainty ?

Can one check before a baby is born? Obviously afterwards it's easy enough.

ChatBFP · 04/09/2023 21:33

Sounds as if you'd have been very happy for the relationship with your BF not to be platonic, so you have convinced yourself that he is basically asexual and needed to be tricked into having sex.

He's clearly been using this woman, whether or not she may have been using him.

Time for him to grow up - if you were a good friend, you'd encourage and support him to do this.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 04/09/2023 21:33

fandom · 04/09/2023 19:47

He is my closest friend, that's why I'm upset for him. Would you not be upset for your closest friend if that happened for them, seeing how distraught they are?

No, I'd think he's a fucking idiot and I'd tell him so.

Rainbowqueeen · 04/09/2023 21:34

So he knew he didn’t want children but it was up to the woman in his life to make sure that didn’t happen. And he felt that he should take no active part in that?

Isn’t he embarrassed to admit that??

Every adult needs to take responsibility for their own fertility.

And anyone with any morals would have broken off the relationship once it was clear they wanted very different things from life. He needs to grow up and fast. This is entirely down to him and his failures.

oakleaffy · 04/09/2023 21:35

@fandom Seems a pregnancy paternity test is available.
If I was your friend, and he doubts it's his for whatever reason, he should go for a paternity test.

LylaLee · 04/09/2023 21:36

Scene 1

"OP, you're my kindred spirit, we've been friends through thick and thin! You really get me. I don't even have sex with her. I have sex like, once a year, and in 2024, that one time should be with a soulmate... Not girlfriend. You're not like the other girls, OP!"

Scene 2

"Girlfriend, we've been dating almost 2 years, should we have a baby?"

"Sure, boyfriend."

Scene 3

"OP, it's so mysterious! She's mysteriously pregnant from our one sex. She told me we wouldn't make a baby! I'm so sad. Pay attention to me, OP. Hug me."

Canthave2manycats · 04/09/2023 21:37

I think you've got some very unnecessary responses here.

However, your friend has fucked up spectacularly, and now he is going to have to step up to the plate.

If he's wealthy then he will barely notice the maintenance and he can be an utter bastard and refuse to engage with the child at all. Ergo, life doesn't change for him.

Hopefully he will take full responsibility for the life he has created, and support for the woman he has created it with.

It's a baby, not a terminal diagnosis.

oakleaffy · 04/09/2023 21:39

@fandom Are you the bloke??

Dymaxion · 04/09/2023 21:42

Can one check before a baby is born? Obviously afterwards it's easy enough.

@oakleaffy I don't think you pay for them until they are born ? So baby is born, DNA check done, DNA same as Father, Father has to pay ? I know it was much easier in the past before DNA, where Father could say 'Nah not mine' and the Mother couldn't dispute it, but science has moved on quite a bit since then.

GG1986 · 04/09/2023 21:45

This is such a weird post! He's a grown man and doesn't know how sex works? And why are you so invested in their lives? It's their business.

Wheresthebloomingsummersunshine · 04/09/2023 21:45

Presumably he's at least in his mid40s and still doesnt understand basic biology and how babies are made? No contraception is completely 100% safe, but using NO contraception is stupid. He needs to step up here.

ukgot2pot · 04/09/2023 21:47

Why didn't he get the snip if he was so adamant he didn't wanted children?! Foolish man.

FlissyPaps · 04/09/2023 21:48

fandom · 04/09/2023 19:47

He is my closest friend, that's why I'm upset for him. Would you not be upset for your closest friend if that happened for them, seeing how distraught they are?

No, I wouldn’t be upset.

He’s impregnated someone. Not suffered a traumatic event. “Distraught” is a total overreaction and if he knew he’d be distraught at the thought of having children then he should have got a vasectomy prior to having unprotected sex.

People really are thick.

🙄

User1789 · 04/09/2023 21:49

Zoreos · 04/09/2023 20:58

So this “asexual” man used the withdrawal method which has a success rate of approximately 78% that’s nearly 8 out of 10 times and got her pregnant from a one off after years of abstinence? Not impossible but to me that seems very unlikely. The most likely scenario is that he’s actually not asexual and has engaged in careless sex with his girlfriend who he’s obviously more than a little bit attracted to but too immature and selfish to properly commit. He clearly fancies you as well or he wouldn’t be spinning you this story that you’re falling over yourself to lap up which he’s all too aware of. You’re far too emotionally invested in your “friends” life, most probably because you do have more than friendly feelings for him because you wouldn’t be so hurt and repulsed on his behalf otherwise. The man’s a crap boyfriend and if that was my friend I’d be giving his head a wobble and telling him to grow up and accept responsibility for his child. Also to stop humiliating and disrespecting her and just admit like every other man that he enjoys shagging his girlfriend and stop being a nasty little shit about it. Gross. I’m not buying that whole “I’m sad cos my bessie boy mate is sad” routine. Far from lovely the pair of you. Poor woman.

I was planning to add a post, but this said everything I wanted to.

I thought women stopped falling for the whole 'I-don't-even-have-sex-with-my-girlfriend' bullshit in sixth form. How old are you all, out of interest?

Rosscameasdoody · 04/09/2023 21:49

fandom · 04/09/2023 19:47

He is my closest friend, that's why I'm upset for him. Would you not be upset for your closest friend if that happened for them, seeing how distraught they are?

No, he’s a grown man. He should know the withdrawal method is unreliable and should have made sure he used a condom if he didn’t want children. This isn’t rocket science, it’s basic birds and bees.

HerMammy · 04/09/2023 21:50

You feel sorry for him, he's sad and pale? FFS he's a grown man who's treated this woman like shit.
He sounds very unpleasant & stupid.

lljkk · 04/09/2023 21:52

You're a good friend, OP. Focus on doing what you can to support your mate.

Winterscomingagain · 04/09/2023 21:53

The little rhyme "Don't be silly, wrap your willy comes to mind"
Your friend is an adult who had unprotected sex and is facing the consequences.

ImWally6 · 04/09/2023 21:55

Erm how old is this man and why does he not know how his own body works? Is he a child?

Also, no offence but its their situation.

AutumnCrow · 04/09/2023 21:55

So we've still not got to the nub of how a man who isn't interested in sex, was having sex?

Saharafordessert · 04/09/2023 21:57

He’s done a right number on you hasn’t he OP?!

Angie147836 · 04/09/2023 21:57

When a man puts his unsheathed penis into a woman's vagina, he takes a risk that a pregnancy may occur. And if it does, the woman gets the final say over whether that pregnancy continues. Simple as that really.

AutumnCrow · 04/09/2023 21:59

Erm how old is this man and why does he not know how his own body works?

He's kind of struggling with the concept of '99%' as well.

Don't know much about biology
Don't know much about a science book

But never mind. He's loaded.