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Original poster

Well it's happened as predicted and I'm so sad for my lovely friend

412 replies

fandom · 04/09/2023 19:30

My best friend who I've been close to for over twenty years got into a relationship a few years ago.
He was made up as he has very little interest on sex and she accepted it.
He told her from the beginning that he never wanted children and that he probably wouldn't be able to creat a baby such was his disinterest in sex. She told him at the beginning that she wanted children more than anything in the world.
A couple of years passed. He continued to live like a man with no commitments .. constant nights out, holidays and weekends away. She was always waiting in the wings.
He is wealthy and comes from a loving and close family . She is the opposite. He said he would never be getting married. Just isnt for him.
I felt he was leading her on a bit and told him so. I also suggested that if she wanted a baby that much that she would make it happen regardless. He said she'd changed her mind and didn't want a baby after all ! He didn't like it and we drifted for a few weeks. That was a few years ago. All perfect since.
I was always worried that she would get pregnant against his expressed wishes as I knew how much she wanted a baby and how much he didn't and Lo and behold she is.
He is shocked. Idiot fell for the withdrawal method that she told him was 99% effective. He doesn't even understand how this happened .
She is now pushing for marriage. He says no way.
I am gutted for him. He looks so blank and pale. I really don't trust her at all.

OP posts:
VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 04/09/2023 22:04

Angie147836 · 04/09/2023 21:57

When a man puts his unsheathed penis into a woman's vagina, he takes a risk that a pregnancy may occur. And if it does, the woman gets the final say over whether that pregnancy continues. Simple as that really.

Even sheathed, there's a risk, albeit considerably lowered. Men need to be risk-aware when having sex.

Elevenutionary · 04/09/2023 22:05

OP is this man your son??

Or else this is a very weird post. Weird language. ‘Blank and pale’ my backside. He’s a grown up ffs. Or is he a grown up? Sound v childish and more like a 20 yo man. Not a 40yo.

Or else he’s done a right one on you.

AcrossthePond55 · 04/09/2023 22:06

@fandom

Would I feel 'sorry' for him? Hell no, I'd be furious at him for being a damned fool not to get a vasectomy if he didn't want DC, or at the least use a condom. There is NO excuse for a man who doesn't want children not to know and understand the effectiveness of all methods of contraception. And to ALWAYS use the one of the ones HE can be responsible for (vasectomy, condom, or abstinence) despite what the woman may tell him about her contraception.

Mad at her? Yes, for getting pregnant by a man who doesn't want children. But that's all I'd be mad at her for. And my anger would be on the child's behalf, not on the behalf of the stupid fool who didn't mind his own dick. She did make it clear to him that she really, really wanted children. That should have been enough to put his 'baby-dar' on full alert.

If he's so 'uninterested' in sex and was so determined that he didn't want children, then he needs to demand a DNA test. In fact I believe that any man who is not in a truly committed relationship is entitled to ask for one if a child was not 'planned' or he is not happy with an unintended pregnancy.

He doesn't have to marry her. In fact he'd be stupid to marry her if he doesn't love her. And she would be stupid to marry a man who 'apparently' wouldn't be willing to give her a fully satisfactory sex life, even if she did love him.

What he does have to do is financially support the child. What he should do is become an involved parent, for the sake of the child. What you need to do is to encourage and support him in doing both.

Comeonbarbiebrianharvey · 04/09/2023 22:07

Poor guy, fair enough it's completely her fault, he trusted her and she deliberately deceived him regarding the withdrawal method being 99% effective, he could never have known or heard otherwise, or googled it, or sought contraception advice. Let alone get a vasectomy.

I mean having unprotected sex with someone that desperately wants a baby, how could this have happened??

AppleTurnover1000Degrees · 04/09/2023 22:08

What a weird thread.

YoBeaches · 04/09/2023 22:09

So they've been together a few years... having unprotected sex.... and she fell pregnant.... hardly a surprise Op really?!

He knew what he was doing. And you shouldn't be blaming her for the consequences.

Though I'd advise her not to marry him cos he sounds like a right div.

Comeonbarbiebrianharvey · 04/09/2023 22:09

It sounds like BS

Merryoldgoat · 04/09/2023 22:09

So basically you’re sorry your friend is an idiot?

LongDarkTeatime · 04/09/2023 22:16

If he never wanted children why didn’t he have a vasectomy or use condoms?
Sounds like he was taking no responsibility.
Its pretty basic biology sex - contraception = chance of pregnancy

Againstmachine · 04/09/2023 22:21

Long and short of it is your friend who allegedly has no interest in sex has been shagging his girlfriend who wants kids without protection and she's become pregnant.

Is he really this naive come on, this was bound to happen if he didnt see this coming he shouldn't be in relationships.

takemeupthealise · 04/09/2023 22:22

fandom · 04/09/2023 19:47

He is my closest friend, that's why I'm upset for him. Would you not be upset for your closest friend if that happened for them, seeing how distraught they are?

If he were my closest friend (and I have very close male friends), I'd be saying "why the fuck didn't you use contraception/have the snip if you didn't want to have a baby?"

AmazingSnakeHead · 04/09/2023 22:23

This is amazing, possibly the funniest thing I've read on MN. Just to be clear, you are asking us to feel sad for your poor lovely friend who tragically got his long term girlfriend pregnant by ejaculating inside of her? 10/10. Great post.

In seriousness though, it's weird and infantalising how you are speaking about his relationship, as if she has tricked him or as if he's been the victim of some scheme. HE is the one who didn't pull out in time, after all. If you don't want a baby, maybe don't do the one thing that makes babies, without contraception, with a woman who wants a baby.

Carpediemmakeitcount · 04/09/2023 22:23

I think she has left herself in a vulnerable position if he is not willing to commit to family life. She can't demand marriage because she is pregnant that's ridiculous. He has to want a child and marriage and if he doesn't then she has left herself as a single parent. He should pay for his child that is the right thing to do.

If he chooses to stay with her then he may make a wonderful father and family man. All it takes is positive words from his best friend to lift his spirits.

DuckyShincracker · 04/09/2023 22:25

If we really are suspending disbelief that a grown ass man did not seriously understand that the withdrawal method may actually get someone pregnant. I suggest you draw him a diagram to explain the basic biology. Then may I also suggest he gets the resulting diagram tattooed some where visible in case he forgets next time.

BustyLaRoux · 04/09/2023 22:26

He feels so incredibly strongly about not having children. Fair enough. Why then would he not take adequate precautions to prevent this? She assured him withdrawal was…what…foolproof? And he went “uh ok then!”
Sorry but if he felt that strongly then he needed to take a whole lot more responsibility for ensuring pregnancy didn’t happen. It’s unfair of you to blame her. He is equally responsible and he is an idiot for assuming withdrawal would be foolproof when everyone knows it isn’t.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 04/09/2023 22:27

may I also suggest he gets the resulting diagram tattooed some where visible in case he forgets next time.

You win the thread 🏆

Mehmeh22 · 04/09/2023 22:29

Dunno why but I don't think the OP is coming back. Lol

SemperIdem · 04/09/2023 22:30

This is a grown adult man who knows how babies are made, yes?

He also, as a grown adult, pursued a relationship with completely different desires to him and thought it wise to not use contraception?

You are right, the inevitable has indeed happened. Had he cared so much about anything you’re bleeding your heart out over for him, then he would have taken steps to address it.

Not interested in sex indeed 😂

AmazingSnakeHead · 04/09/2023 22:34

oakleaffy · 04/09/2023 21:22

Women who want babies can do extreme things.
Especially with 'Wealthy' men.

Believe me, I have seen and heard it all.

Men who don't want to get lumbered with unwanted children need to always use condoms, that they buy themselves, keep themselves, and put on themselves.

and most importantly, they need to dispose of the used condom immediately down the loo where it's contents can't be retrieved and inseminated via a syringe.

This last happened to a man on a Radio 4 programme about 10 years ago.

He unknowingly put the condom in the bin wrapped in a tissue and the woman retrieved it and inseminated herself.
He was liable to pay child support.

Mothers of sons need to warn their sons to be extremely careful.

Women can be very cunning when that ''Need to breed'' strikes!

Is it actually his?

Show quote history

I'm sorry, but this is nonsense. Women up and down the country are not secretly syringing bin jizz up their fandangos to cunningly entrap a wealthy man.

DoctorTeeCee · 04/09/2023 22:39

fandom · 04/09/2023 19:47

He is my closest friend, that's why I'm upset for him. Would you not be upset for your closest friend if that happened for them, seeing how distraught they are?

This is absolutely ridiculous!
He’s a grown man that chose to have unprotected sex with a fertile woman…why would anyone be ‘upset for him’?
He needs to grow up stat and you need to stop being so overly invested in his relationship.

Hawkins0009 · 04/09/2023 22:40

fandom · 04/09/2023 19:47

He is my closest friend, that's why I'm upset for him. Would you not be upset for your closest friend if that happened for them, seeing how distraught they are?

i can understand your perspectives and i sympathize, why was he doing the deed if little to no interest in the business ?

has a DNA test been achieved incase an affair was happening ?

Hawkins0009 · 04/09/2023 22:41

basically don't do the dance with no pant's, especially if you don't want to tango in Paris.

Hawkins0009 · 04/09/2023 22:42

so to speak

LaurieFairyCake · 04/09/2023 22:42

Lol. He deserves all of this - she told him what she wanted.

and he continued to come inside her as BASIC BIOLOGY eludes himConfused

If you're so invested why didn't you tell him how spunk worked 🤷‍♀️

Switcher · 04/09/2023 22:44

What the hell am I reading?? Is this a wind up?