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Original poster

Well it's happened as predicted and I'm so sad for my lovely friend

412 replies

fandom · 04/09/2023 19:30

My best friend who I've been close to for over twenty years got into a relationship a few years ago.
He was made up as he has very little interest on sex and she accepted it.
He told her from the beginning that he never wanted children and that he probably wouldn't be able to creat a baby such was his disinterest in sex. She told him at the beginning that she wanted children more than anything in the world.
A couple of years passed. He continued to live like a man with no commitments .. constant nights out, holidays and weekends away. She was always waiting in the wings.
He is wealthy and comes from a loving and close family . She is the opposite. He said he would never be getting married. Just isnt for him.
I felt he was leading her on a bit and told him so. I also suggested that if she wanted a baby that much that she would make it happen regardless. He said she'd changed her mind and didn't want a baby after all ! He didn't like it and we drifted for a few weeks. That was a few years ago. All perfect since.
I was always worried that she would get pregnant against his expressed wishes as I knew how much she wanted a baby and how much he didn't and Lo and behold she is.
He is shocked. Idiot fell for the withdrawal method that she told him was 99% effective. He doesn't even understand how this happened .
She is now pushing for marriage. He says no way.
I am gutted for him. He looks so blank and pale. I really don't trust her at all.

OP posts:
Riverlee · 04/09/2023 20:56

“He looks so blank and pale.”.

To be fair, if you’ve just found out that you’re going to be a father, when you weren’t expecting it, it can come as a bit of a shock.

However, he’s a grown man and now needs to act up and become rponsible.

Meowandthen · 04/09/2023 20:56

How long have you wanted this wealthy man for yourself? 🤔

anotherthrowawayname · 04/09/2023 20:57

He sounds awful, and that's based on his friend's description. I can only imagine how his enemies describe him!

If my mate got a woman pregnant and he didn't want to be a father, I'd be upset for him too if, and only if:

  1. They'd used condoms which she'd poked holes in; and
  2. She said she was on the pill and wasn't; and
  3. She said if she ever got pregnant, she would definitely have an abortion.

All three would have to apply. Otherwise, I'd be Team Girlfriend and tell my friend to step up, to stop being so stupid and to get a vasectomy to avoid any further unwanted children.

Malapataraso · 04/09/2023 20:57

I’m puzzled that you say this pregnancy happened to him, like he had no control over where he dumped his semen. He was adamant about not having children but knew nothing about safe sex to prevent a pregnancy. This did not happen to him - he impregnated someone because he didn’t bother to educate himself on how to avoid what is apparently his worst nightmare. The woman is not a scheming person not to be trusted, and she did not trick him into getting her pregnant — he is extremely irresponsible. You can feel bad that he put himself in this situation, but it is not the distrustful woman’s fault. He created his own mess here. Good god, the lack of accountability is stunning.

Zoreos · 04/09/2023 20:58

So this “asexual” man used the withdrawal method which has a success rate of approximately 78% that’s nearly 8 out of 10 times and got her pregnant from a one off after years of abstinence? Not impossible but to me that seems very unlikely. The most likely scenario is that he’s actually not asexual and has engaged in careless sex with his girlfriend who he’s obviously more than a little bit attracted to but too immature and selfish to properly commit. He clearly fancies you as well or he wouldn’t be spinning you this story that you’re falling over yourself to lap up which he’s all too aware of. You’re far too emotionally invested in your “friends” life, most probably because you do have more than friendly feelings for him because you wouldn’t be so hurt and repulsed on his behalf otherwise. The man’s a crap boyfriend and if that was my friend I’d be giving his head a wobble and telling him to grow up and accept responsibility for his child. Also to stop humiliating and disrespecting her and just admit like every other man that he enjoys shagging his girlfriend and stop being a nasty little shit about it. Gross. I’m not buying that whole “I’m sad cos my bessie boy mate is sad” routine. Far from lovely the pair of you. Poor woman.

Riverlee · 04/09/2023 20:59

Also, if you predicted this outcome, why didn’t you advise your best friend to take precautions?

Notjustabrunette · 04/09/2023 20:59

He looks blank and pale because he has finally realized that he is not the main character their relationship.

littleripper · 04/09/2023 20:59

He's a liar and an idiot. No interest in sex but so desperate he can't wait till he has a condom? Ridiculous man. All his talk is to create excuses for when he refuses to pay child support.
Why do you now trust her? She has been honest from the start. He is the liar.

RandomForest · 04/09/2023 20:59

Mind your own buisness.

millymog11 · 04/09/2023 21:00

if the woman is now pregnant was actually in an actual relationship with this man, how did she feel about the writer of the original post going around telling everyone that this poor man is her best friend? Did she care? If she did not care she obviously just wanted a baby.

And your friend is presumably an adult who knows what can and often does happen if you have unprotected sex?

so weird.

smartiesneberhadtheanswer · 04/09/2023 21:00

He's an idiot. No grown adults believes in the withdrawal method. At least she seems to have a brain her head.

excelledyourself · 04/09/2023 21:00

"Well, it's happened as predicted..."

I mean, there you have it. Anyone over the age of about 12 could have predicted it, but apparently not your grown adult friend?

miraveille · 04/09/2023 21:02

This has me rolling! Man doesn't want baby but chooses to have unprotected sex with woman?! And you want us to feel sorry for him?! Keep moving love

beatrix1234 · 04/09/2023 21:03

So your friends sound like a very mismatched couple with very different life projects from the very beginning which makes me wonder why they got together in the first place. Said this he may not sound Mr nice guy but he was very honest from the beginning, she on the other hand was not. Basically she's mislead the guy into something he did not wanted? how did she got pregnant from "Mr not interested in sex"?

PinkNailpolish · 04/09/2023 21:03

anotherthrowawayname · 04/09/2023 20:57

He sounds awful, and that's based on his friend's description. I can only imagine how his enemies describe him!

If my mate got a woman pregnant and he didn't want to be a father, I'd be upset for him too if, and only if:

  1. They'd used condoms which she'd poked holes in; and
  2. She said she was on the pill and wasn't; and
  3. She said if she ever got pregnant, she would definitely have an abortion.

All three would have to apply. Otherwise, I'd be Team Girlfriend and tell my friend to step up, to stop being so stupid and to get a vasectomy to avoid any further unwanted children.

All 3? If a woman pokes holes in condoms and/or pretends to be on the pill or implant etc then the man she's having sex with hasn't consented. She has deceived him and taken away his right to fully consent. Most long term couples will either use condoms or hormonal contraception, not both.

However, OP's friend happily and knowingly had unprotected sex so it's his fault.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 04/09/2023 21:05

It takes 2 to make a baby, op. If he was that sure he didn't want kids he should have left her in the early days or at least used a condom. She made no secret of the fact that she wanted kids and that she wasnt using any contraception. I can't believe he actual fell for the withdrawal method

Carpediemmakeitcount · 04/09/2023 21:05

Meowandthen · 04/09/2023 20:56

How long have you wanted this wealthy man for yourself? 🤔

Men and women can be friends

ICanBuyMyOwnBooks · 04/09/2023 21:08

No idea why you think your friend is 'lovely'. He was in a relationship but still acting as though he was single. He had sex, didn't use protection and lo! his gf is pregnant. Tale as old as time.
The only difference in this story is he apparently has you in the wings indulging his misogynistic tendencies.
Anyway, you know what he did. You know how he feels about it. There's no need for a MN thread. Unless the sole purpose is to be a gf.

Kneekneeknee · 04/09/2023 21:08

This is the classic "she went and got herself pregnant."

Wow. That's...quite a feat.

Meowandthen · 04/09/2023 21:09

Carpediemmakeitcount · 04/09/2023 21:05

Men and women can be friends

Show quote history

Of course they can be but we don’t get this invested in their sex lives.

This is weird.

Carpediemmakeitcount · 04/09/2023 21:10

Hook, line and sinker.

She got what she wanted and he should marry her are they Catholic?

Museya15 · 04/09/2023 21:11

Are you jealous?

CheekyHobson · 04/09/2023 21:11

Hard to feel sorry for a grown man experiencing the perfectly predictable consequences of his own choices, but it’s impressive that he’s managed to get the OP thinking he’s at least partly an innocent victim in all this.

RunAwayTurnAwayRunAwayTurnAway · 04/09/2023 21:11

Zoreos · 04/09/2023 20:58

So this “asexual” man used the withdrawal method which has a success rate of approximately 78% that’s nearly 8 out of 10 times and got her pregnant from a one off after years of abstinence? Not impossible but to me that seems very unlikely. The most likely scenario is that he’s actually not asexual and has engaged in careless sex with his girlfriend who he’s obviously more than a little bit attracted to but too immature and selfish to properly commit. He clearly fancies you as well or he wouldn’t be spinning you this story that you’re falling over yourself to lap up which he’s all too aware of. You’re far too emotionally invested in your “friends” life, most probably because you do have more than friendly feelings for him because you wouldn’t be so hurt and repulsed on his behalf otherwise. The man’s a crap boyfriend and if that was my friend I’d be giving his head a wobble and telling him to grow up and accept responsibility for his child. Also to stop humiliating and disrespecting her and just admit like every other man that he enjoys shagging his girlfriend and stop being a nasty little shit about it. Gross. I’m not buying that whole “I’m sad cos my bessie boy mate is sad” routine. Far from lovely the pair of you. Poor woman.

I hope you are getting so much thanks for this!

CheekyHobson · 04/09/2023 21:13

The word “handmaiden” springs to mind.