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Original poster

Well it's happened as predicted and I'm so sad for my lovely friend

412 replies

fandom · 04/09/2023 19:30

My best friend who I've been close to for over twenty years got into a relationship a few years ago.
He was made up as he has very little interest on sex and she accepted it.
He told her from the beginning that he never wanted children and that he probably wouldn't be able to creat a baby such was his disinterest in sex. She told him at the beginning that she wanted children more than anything in the world.
A couple of years passed. He continued to live like a man with no commitments .. constant nights out, holidays and weekends away. She was always waiting in the wings.
He is wealthy and comes from a loving and close family . She is the opposite. He said he would never be getting married. Just isnt for him.
I felt he was leading her on a bit and told him so. I also suggested that if she wanted a baby that much that she would make it happen regardless. He said she'd changed her mind and didn't want a baby after all ! He didn't like it and we drifted for a few weeks. That was a few years ago. All perfect since.
I was always worried that she would get pregnant against his expressed wishes as I knew how much she wanted a baby and how much he didn't and Lo and behold she is.
He is shocked. Idiot fell for the withdrawal method that she told him was 99% effective. He doesn't even understand how this happened .
She is now pushing for marriage. He says no way.
I am gutted for him. He looks so blank and pale. I really don't trust her at all.

OP posts:
Redwineislife · 04/09/2023 22:46

Your friend sounds anything but lovely.

Sweetchillidumplings · 04/09/2023 22:50

Unprotected sex can lead to babies. He knows this OP. Nothing to do with you.. quite weird to say you’re ‘gutted’ by it.

Carpediemmakeitcount · 04/09/2023 22:50

AmazingSnakeHead · 04/09/2023 22:34

I'm sorry, but this is nonsense. Women up and down the country are not secretly syringing bin jizz up their fandangos to cunningly entrap a wealthy man.

Show quote history

It depends on how wealthy he is 🤑

Blueink · 04/09/2023 22:50

Sorry OP, I know he’s your friend, but this really is a case of “six of one and half a dozen of the other”.

He’s an adult who has entered into and maintained a dysfunctional relationship over quite some time by his own choice.

He apparently has low sex drive and lack of interest in having a family, yet been irresponsible in having sex and not using contraception.

I don’t feel sorry for him, he needs to grow up and take some responsibility for his actions.

Winnipeggy · 04/09/2023 22:50

She didn't trick him, I'm sure he understands basic biology. What are you hoping for from this thread? Some woman bashing? A debate on platonic relationships? You need to stop feeling sorry for your friend and tell him to take responsibility for his actions

momonpurpose · 04/09/2023 22:50

You are ridiculously over involved here.

babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 04/09/2023 22:52

This post is so weird! You start off by making your friend look like a poor gullible fool being let along by this arse and then suddenly make a drastic change in tone and you pity HIM?! It’s really none of your business and sounds like you just love the drama of it

BalletBob · 04/09/2023 22:53

You are way, way too invested in this. Are you in love with him? It's the only way I can make sense of how entitled you seem to feel to get involved and have an opinion.

At any rate...no, I wouldn't be upset for him and no, I don't think he's "lovely". He has strung this woman along and hasn't bothered to take responsibility for contraception. How can he possibly be shocked? 🤣 my 7 year old knows how babies are made so how could this grown man possibly have been "tricked" into the withdrawal method? What a load of nonsense this is.

Walkaround · 04/09/2023 22:55

He sounds like a self-obsessed twerp, tbh.

babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 04/09/2023 22:57

Love your assumption that it should be the woman’s responsibility to arrange contraception! The woman who really wants children?!! But the selfish idiot stringing her along can happily shag away without giving contraception a second thought and yet HE is the victim?! I mean it’s 2023 the internet exists, please don’t tell me he was tricked into believing the withdrawal method was so effective. A quick Google would have shown him that’s not true - he either knew and didn’t care or was too bloody lazy and irresponsible to even give it a second thought!

Lampzade · 04/09/2023 22:58

In the words of the ‘great philosopher’ of our time Jeremy Kyle , your mate ‘shoulda put something on the end of it’ if he didn’t want children.

Sloth66 · 04/09/2023 22:58

Op seems to have vanished. Rereading this bizarre thread, I’m thinking it’s a wind up surely?

Ormally · 04/09/2023 22:59

For more accurate odds on the chance of pregnancy over a year with a condom, birth control, or nothing: Unprotected Sex: Can I Get Pregnant? - WeHaveKids

It's not 99% unlikely...Even with a condom.

The age of the woman can increase or decrease such odds. Thought it would drop lower with age, but in reality I've found that ovulation timing can go bananas instead when it feels like it and become far less predictable than 10, 15 years ago, so not a good omen for contraception-free life.

Lampzade · 04/09/2023 23:00

Sloth66 · 04/09/2023 22:58

Op seems to have vanished. Rereading this bizarre thread, I’m thinking it’s a wind up surely?

Probably

Carpediemmakeitcount · 04/09/2023 23:05

babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 04/09/2023 22:57

Love your assumption that it should be the woman’s responsibility to arrange contraception! The woman who really wants children?!! But the selfish idiot stringing her along can happily shag away without giving contraception a second thought and yet HE is the victim?! I mean it’s 2023 the internet exists, please don’t tell me he was tricked into believing the withdrawal method was so effective. A quick Google would have shown him that’s not true - he either knew and didn’t care or was too bloody lazy and irresponsible to even give it a second thought!

All men are victims from when Eve ate that apple we were fucked. According to men we are too blame for everything that goes on in this world and the reason they give is because we gave birth to them. It must be our fault never their fault. The ops friend has not blamed his mother he has blamed his girlfriend and the op has bought into it.

FedUpWithEverything123 · 04/09/2023 23:05

He sounds like an utter prick OP

"Fell for" the withdrawal method, what bollocks

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/09/2023 23:08

fandom · 04/09/2023 19:47

He is my closest friend, that's why I'm upset for him. Would you not be upset for your closest friend if that happened for them, seeing how distraught they are?

I feel a lot more sorry for her! Pregnant by a guy who doesn't want kids but she's in love with. He is freaking out about himself not supporting her.

Are you saying he wanted to use condoms but she pressured him not to!? Much more likely that would have been the other way around.

If she'd lied and said she was on the pill I might think 'trapping'
But if they've agreed he'll pull out and he hasn't been able to do that properly then it's all on him.

Glad he is wealthy at least so she shouldn't get decent child maintenance

truthhurts23 · 04/09/2023 23:09

Well he could have worn a condom or had a vasectomy but he didn’t so whatever

Clafoutie · 04/09/2023 23:10

Sensoria · 04/09/2023 19:55

Idiot fell for the withdrawal method that she told him was 99% effective

Sorry, just so I’m clear, are you saying your friend knows nothing about sex and contraception so she took advantage of that and led him on?

Or perhaps he knew very well sex can lead to pregnancy and he was happy to have sex without a condom and without taking any responsibility for preventing pregnancy?

It’s him I wouldn’t trust. He doesn’t sound like a lovely guy at all. Why are you blaming her for his actions?

I agree with this completely., and I cannot fathom the OP’s post!

Insideallday · 04/09/2023 23:10

Sorry op but it’s very hard to have sympathy for him. He should have used protection, end of!

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/09/2023 23:11

It’s a story as old as time and your friend is not a victim of La Belle Dame Sans Merci, ‘alone and palely loitering’.

Or don’t you think he has agency over his life? He chose to stay with her. He chose to have sex with her. He chose not to use contraceptive.

The only person I feel sorry for is the baby once born.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/09/2023 23:11

Mummy08m · 04/09/2023 20:04

He doesn't sound lovely at all.

He has unprotected sex, blames his gf for unwanted pregnancy

He overshares extremely intimate details about his gf and sex life with a female friend (withdrawal method, wtf? I have no clue what form of contraception any of my friends use)

His faux innocence "but my gf told me withdrawal method is 99%!" - are you a young boy?! Have you never been through mainstream education?!

Openly brags to same female friend how he's stringing along his gf who wants kids

Claims to be asexual but isn't- why?! For entry into lgbt in-crowd? Mind boggles

If this man is the loveliest of your male friends, I'm sorry for you

I agree

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 04/09/2023 23:13

oakleaffy · 04/09/2023 21:22

Women who want babies can do extreme things.
Especially with 'Wealthy' men.

Believe me, I have seen and heard it all.

Men who don't want to get lumbered with unwanted children need to always use condoms, that they buy themselves, keep themselves, and put on themselves.

and most importantly, they need to dispose of the used condom immediately down the loo where it's contents can't be retrieved and inseminated via a syringe.

This last happened to a man on a Radio 4 programme about 10 years ago.

He unknowingly put the condom in the bin wrapped in a tissue and the woman retrieved it and inseminated herself.
He was liable to pay child support.

Mothers of sons need to warn their sons to be extremely careful.

Women can be very cunning when that ''Need to breed'' strikes!

Is it actually his?

Show quote history

IIRC the US couple were doctors. One of them was called Irons, I think. She blew him with a condom and kept the condom to steal the sperm. There were court cases because he didn't want to pay child support. I think he accused her of theft and lost, then tried to argue that he shouldn't pay child support and lost, then sued her for emotional distress. I don't know how the last case went. He is the unintentional father on the planet who I actually have sympathy for, because he never put his dick in her vagina.

And cases of sperm theft are so vanishingly rare that I can not only recognise the case from your brief description but also can recall details and even a possible name. Sperm theft is so rare that their case made the national news in the US and was even reported over here. "Man bites dog" is news but "dog bites man" isn't, remember? Paternity cases happen by the thousands every year and most don't even make the neighbourhood Facebook page. For a paternity case about non-celebrities to make national news, the circumstances have to be near-unique.

So your whole "boys need to be careful of sperm theft" schtick is a misogynist attitude based in a misogynist myth because women so rarely do that. "Stealthing", where the man removes the condom during sex, is far more commonplace and is legally rape. Mothers should be more concerned about teaching their sons to wear the condom their GF asked them to than about warning them that she might poke holes in it or steal the sperm after sex.

And don't flush condoms. Ever. They end up in the sea and washed ashore on beaches, or else stuck in the sewers causing blockages. If a guy wants to be paranoid, he can rinse his sperm down the sink.

Anewnamea · 04/09/2023 23:14

fandom · 04/09/2023 19:47

He is my closest friend, that's why I'm upset for him. Would you not be upset for your closest friend if that happened for them, seeing how distraught they are?

I get that but if you’re so involved and know a fair amount of what’s going on in their relationship and care about his future, why did you not advise him to get a vasectomy?

And more to the point why did he not think to get a vasectomy? It was his responsibility since he was the one adamant he didn’t want kid.

Or was he one of those selfish men who think it’s ok for women to have to take birth control to take care of unwanted pregnancies when in this case the man could easily just get the snip?

For this reason I have little sympathy for him but I can see why you’re concerned. I just feel bad for the child really.

nettie434 · 04/09/2023 23:16

I get that your friend wanted companionship over a relationship but it is odd that he chose a woman who was very clear that she wanted a child.

I actually have a colleague who was not interested in fatherhood and was in a child free relationship. He met someone who wanted a child. Their baby wasn't planned but he has no regrets - rather the opposite. Once he has got used to the idea, your friend's attitude could change in the same way.

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