Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH is an aggressive and dangerous driver

169 replies

Oysterbabe · 27/08/2023 07:32

DH's driving is awful. I don't think I've ever been in a car journey with him longer than 20 minutes without him getting into some kind of altercation with another driver. Any slight perceived error on their part and he's flashing his lights and gesturing, he can't just roll his eyes and let it go. I find it absolutely mortifying, he's an embarrassment. He's had 2 very minor scrapes in the last year, both his fault that he still blames on the other driver.

Yesterday I think was the worst incident so far and has sparked this post. On a roundabout a car just stopped in front of us. I'm sure they had a reason, but I'm don't know what it was. DH stopped, no collision, all fine. Except he was furious, 'why did they just stop?!?!' We followed them on to the motorway at which point he overtakes them at speed, pulls back in front and starts erratically braking 'let's see how they like it' I was so angry and also terrified and shouted at him and told him he can't behave like that with our children (5 and 7) in the car. It doesn't matter what I say to him, he can do no wrong and doesn't change.

I don't know what I can do really. I want to ban him from ever driving the children anywhere but don't see that I can do that. Yesterday felt like the last straw, this has to stop somehow.

OP posts:
Amsooverthis · 27/08/2023 07:35

Report him ( as though you witnessed it or were the other driver, if someone did that to me, I'd report it) , you can phone the police and give his registration, if they receive a couple of complaints they'll talk to him. He doesn't need to know if was you

ZekeZeke · 27/08/2023 07:36

Why dont you say I'm driving and take the keys.
Is he like this in other areas of his life or just when driving? If he can control his temperature in other areas of his life then he is deciding to just be an aggressive asshole behind the wheel.

Heatherbell1978 · 27/08/2023 07:38

Nope. I couldn't be in the car with this man and certainly not with the kids. He'll get you and your kids into an accident one day - presumably he speeds and acts like a dick on the motorway too?

FrancescaContini · 27/08/2023 07:38

You report him to the police. Either that, or he ends up killing you all. Then you divorce him.

mrssunshinexxx · 27/08/2023 07:39

I would not continue to have my kids in a car like that you are actively choosing to put them in danger

MikeRafone · 27/08/2023 07:41

What is his ego like in other areas of his life? Does he have irrational anger at other times?

Lillianofthevalley · 27/08/2023 07:42

Get a dashcam installed then you have evidence?

Original poster
Oysterbabe · 27/08/2023 07:42

ZekeZeke · 27/08/2023 07:36

Why dont you say I'm driving and take the keys.
Is he like this in other areas of his life or just when driving? If he can control his temperature in other areas of his life then he is deciding to just be an aggressive asshole behind the wheel.

Edited

I do plan to drive as much as possible but I'm not always there.

In general he has low tolerance and is quick to anger. It bothers me when he puts the chldren in danger. A couple of examples, he does stuff like purposely uses the children to fully block the pavement if he sees someone cycling towards them on it, I naturally pull them close to me in case they are hit. I remember once he pushed DD's pram in front of a car on a zebra crossing because it looked like it wasn't going to stop. He always says 'I won't be bullied' when I pull him up on it. He would rather we all die than lose his right of way

OP posts:
Original poster
Oysterbabe · 27/08/2023 07:44

Amsooverthis · 27/08/2023 07:35

Report him ( as though you witnessed it or were the other driver, if someone did that to me, I'd report it) , you can phone the police and give his registration, if they receive a couple of complaints they'll talk to him. He doesn't need to know if was you

I have been thinking that I really hope the other car reports him and that if he asked me to lie to the police about it I wouldn't, I would tell the truth.

OP posts:
Colinfromaccounts · 27/08/2023 07:44

Why do you think he’s like this? I’ve always been curious as to what makes people act like this on the roads

FrancescaContini · 27/08/2023 07:44

He uses your children to block cyclists getting through? So he deliberately puts them in harm’s way? He’s a psychopath.

YomAsalYomBasal · 27/08/2023 07:45

He sounds like an arrogant arsehole and the driving is just the tip of the iceberg. In your position I would be insisting on some anger management and letting him know that if he's not a changed man very soon I'd be divorcing him.

Original poster
Oysterbabe · 27/08/2023 07:46

MikeRafone · 27/08/2023 07:41

What is his ego like in other areas of his life? Does he have irrational anger at other times?

He does, he can be quite an angry person. I notice it particularly with his parents, they walk on eggshells around him and he will shout at his dad if he does any small thing that he disagrees with.

OP posts:
MintJulia · 27/08/2023 07:47

Refuse to get in the car with him or allow your children in the car with him. He is a danger to you all.

I recently had an issue with my Volvo, where the autobraking activated at a roundabout, without any reason. It screeched to a stop without me doing anything. The driver behind me (who sounds much like your DH) indulged in a road rage attack because he decided I had done it on purpose. I reported it to the police, as did the man behind him, who had a dash cam.

Hopefully this will happen to your dh too, and he will lose his licence.

Original poster
Oysterbabe · 27/08/2023 07:48

Colinfromaccounts · 27/08/2023 07:44

Why do you think he’s like this? I’ve always been curious as to what makes people act like this on the roads

Honestly I think he has low self esteem.

OP posts:
Lonicerax · 27/08/2023 07:49

Yes a dash cam would be helpful
DH drives like a dick. He’s asserting his authority as he is failing in some aspects so is compensating. Or that’s my assumption.

nationallampoons · 27/08/2023 07:49

He's going to piss the wrong person off and end up getting knocked out

PermanentTemporary · 27/08/2023 07:49

I don't know what to suggest as aggressive driving is a dealbreaker for me now, but only because I was married for four years to a driver a bit like this (not as bad). Also because my dad was a terrifying driver when I was little and I still remember the feeling of thinking that I was going to die and not being able to do anything about it.

All I can say it that I sympathise, it's horrible. I didn't leave my xh because of his driving, I have to say. It was just an unbelievable relief after I did leave that I never had to put up with it again. My first date with dh we drove from a bar to a restaurant. I remember his gentle, competent, considerate driving (and obviously he was on soft drinks) and probably was half deciding to marry him right then.

I suppose the other thing I would say is that you can do what you think is right for you and your kids. You can tell the police. You can refuse ever to get in a car with him again. You can leave. It's OK.

MintJulia · 27/08/2023 07:52

Also he is teaching your children that his behaviour is acceptable.

And if his own parents don't trust him...... Are you really sure you want to be married to this man?

KevinDeBrioche · 27/08/2023 07:54

I’m shocked that you married him in the first place. He sounds like a psychopath. Report him! And get your ducks in a row

Poontangle · 27/08/2023 07:55

Oh just divorce him already

Original poster
Oysterbabe · 27/08/2023 07:57

nationallampoons · 27/08/2023 07:49

He's going to piss the wrong person off and end up getting knocked out

This is one of my fears, getting run off the road by someone worse than him.
Once another driver got out of their car and kicked off his wing mirror at traffic lights.

Recently a car stopped a bit shorter than he expected and he tapped the rear of it and cracked the number plate. The guy he hit was absolutely lovely about it, no issue at all. If it had been the other way around he'd have hit the roof.

OP posts:
MissingMoominMamma · 27/08/2023 07:59

DH used to drive like this. After a couple of huge rows, I just refused to be in a car with him. I told him that it was the same as getting into a car with somebody who had been drinking because his temper meant he wasn’t in full control.

Thankfully, he learned.

Ibetthatyoulookgoodon · 27/08/2023 08:02

He should read the chimp paradox, by Steve Peters. He’s letting his ‘chimp brain’ make the decisions (something we all do very occasionally when angry). It’s a good book - you might find it useful too, in order to understand a bit better why he behaves like this. Hopefully you might be able to persuade him ti get help, good luck

Swipe left for the next trending thread