DH is an aggressive and dangerous driver

[Oysterbabe]

DH's driving is awful. I don't think I've ever been in a car journey with him longer than 20 minutes without him getting into some kind of altercation with another driver. Any slight perceived error on their part and he's flashing his lights and gesturing, he can't just roll his eyes and let it go. I find it absolutely mortifying, he's an embarrassment. He's had 2 very minor scrapes in the last year, both his fault that he still blames on the other driver.

Yesterday I think was the worst incident so far and has sparked this post. On a roundabout a car just stopped in front of us. I'm sure they had a reason, but I'm don't know what it was. DH stopped, no collision, all fine. Except he was furious, 'why did they just stop?!?!' We followed them on to the motorway at which point he overtakes them at speed, pulls back in front and starts erratically braking 'let's see how they like it' I was so angry and also terrified and shouted at him and told him he can't behave like that with our children (5 and 7) in the car. It doesn't matter what I say to him, he can do no wrong and doesn't change.

I don't know what I can do really. I want to ban him from ever driving the children anywhere but don't see that I can do that. Yesterday felt like the last straw, this has to stop somehow.

In the dim and distant past I had a boyfriend who drove like this. One day he cut someone up and they chased him through red lights and he had to go to a police station. The guy got out and followed him in and the police had to restrain him in order to let my boyfriend drive off. He was lucky he knew where the station was and could park his car. Needless to say, the relationship didn’t last as this behaviour was reflected in the rest of his life.

For those suggesting IAMS - my partner is exactly the same as OP's when driving and he did the IAMS course some time ago. If anything it's created a sense of entitlement that he actually IS the ONLY decent driver on the road...

Report him for the most recent incident. He will assume it’s the driver in the other car, but maybe you can put in a supportive statement?

then say clearly I think you are a dangerous driver and endangering our children. You do not have my permission to drive our children anymore. I am asking you to stop. I will drive every time I can, and I will work with you to think of other options if I’m not there. I can’t see any other way to do it here. (He won’t agree and you can’t right now stop him, but he needs to know you are not ok with it and you think he puts your dc in danger) make sure you text him it in case you end up needing this in court, I’m afraid.

What a wanker.

My ex was like this too. None of us felt safe when he was driving. Constant petty oneupmanship that meant we were put in danger.

My ex was also a screaming abusive hysteric in the home. Is yours too by any chance?

And if he is a shouty parent then your dcs are most certainly scared of him. As are your in laws.

He's a nasty bully.

Horrible, horrible man.

Do not allow him to endanger you or your children any further. His behaviour could kill them!

Never let your kids in the car with him again.

I’m shocked you stayed with him after he pushed the pram out into the road - was the baby in the pram at the time?

Leave. Go and have a better life without living around his anger.

@Holly777 so he's still an aggressive, dangerous driver then?

He's clearly dangerous
His blind rage over nothing is deranged.

You are hoping that someone will thump your husband or get him arrested, so that he will be shocked into responsibility for the safety of his children.

it is actually not a rational act to get into a car driven by this man or anyone like him

He will soon kill himself or another driver. People like him are terrible drivers.

I do a fair bit of circuit driving - I am sure I could make him shit himself :)

@MaxTalk that's a business idea. Banned or dangerous drivers are sentenced to a few circuits with you!!!!

Probably has a small...

😂😂

Willy!

My ex-husband was an aggressive driver and was told by pretty much everyone that he drove too fast. I made him promise on several occasions that he would not drive like that with our son in the car. After we split our son (who was an adult at that point) has since told me of several driving incidents. One where he asked his dad to slow down as he was driving at 100 mph on a motorway and my son and his friend (both 16 at the time) were scared. My ex's response was to scream at him to not tell him "how to drive". There was another incident where his aggressive driving cause him to be followed into a petrol station and threatened by another motorist. Again, my son was in the car with a friend. My ex also screamed at our son whilst giving him his first driving lesson as he felt uncomfortable going over 30 mph!

My son never told me at the time as he was scared of the repercussions. He knew it would likely have resulted in me banning his Dad from driving him anywhere or asking him to leave. What an awful position to be in.

What I would think about carefully, OP, is the other signs of aggression you might have missed. Given his behaviour on the road with his own children, who are surely the most precious cargo, I doubt very much that his aggression ends there. If you look close enough you will likely see lots of passive aggression and controllingg behaviour where he plays the victim and doting dad/husband, to make you feel the unreasonable one, if not some overt aggression. I can see so much of that looking back and sadly so does my son. It is my biggest regret that I did not see it at the time and protect him. Don't be me.

The pushing a pram in front of a moving vehicle has me sat here like

I bet he's one of those Facebook trolls who is nasty towards & argues with everybody and 'laughs' at every post shared by a company or the local council. Vile

Trouble is, if OP leaves him then he'll have access to the children completely unsupervised! Can you even imagine....
Unfortunately the courts will not take into consideration, or even listen to, any of OP's concerns about safety/his anger etc. That side of things has to be dealt with by social services. Safety etc doesn't even get considered by court unless social services are involved OR if CAFCASS found issues.

Oh my god. He’s so obsessed with “not being bullied” (as he sees it) that he’s put your kids in harm’s way?

He must have been bullied as a child. Not that that is an excuse.

1, he wouldn’t be driving the kids anywhere
2, next time you’re a passenger while he’s driving, have your phone ready to film him so he can see how ridiculous his behaviour is. He’s teaching your kids that in a car, you’re supposed to act like a psycho.