The love of my life has just left me and I am heartbroken.

[Ifuckeditallup]

After a series of arguments, mainly caused by my about the same thing over and over again my dp has left me. He took his bags today and went. My heart shattered into a million pieces watching him walk out that door. He has blocked me on fb which is the only platform either of us use and pretty much is cold as ice now although we have had to message about the kids today.

Help me get over this? I loved him with all of my being and fucked it up with one last argument last night that he is not going to get over. Not ever. Aside from the recent arguments we have only had about others in our relationship. I have lost my best friend, my team mate, my lover all in the space of a day. What can I do to heal? It hurts so very much. I am dying inside right now as I type this because I dont want to tell family or friends. Im shattered. Please help me cope.

I would have thought it the other way around - shitty behaviour on repeat as admitted by the OP.

Precisely, am baffled by how some posters are saying he's 'gaslighting' the op, when she herself says she behaved dreadfully!

🤣🤣🤣 Succinctly put

Why ? Sounds as though he’s had enough of being continually harangued about the same things over and over again. He’s done the right thing for himself and the kids by taking himself out of the situation.

OP was there any other cases of ex ignoring you? I feel you were doing reactive abuse perhaps? So although the shouting wasn't great, i get it. After being emotionally neglected and then ignored. I know how this feels I've been there and although not my finest hour it's extremely distressing and upsetting when someone won't acknowledge you or try sort something out

Yep. Classic MN. If the OP had posted that her DP was the one ehaving like this it would have been LTB all the way !!

Yes, the few times we have argued he has gone silent on me which is infuriating. This was before we lived together but the first argument the other day the following day he was nearly married to his phone and he NEVER EVER does that. He makes a point of not constantly scrolling when we are on our own as do i cos well manners but then he has continued to do it. He isnt hidng the screen just basically another way of ignoring me.

Abusers very rarely admit fault.

Op was more than willing to present her bad behaviour which suggests she has a concience.

OP was the argument on your birthday?

Op you are old enough to have teenage children. You still care hugely about getting a card and gift on your birthday which sounds a bit childish but each to their own. He gets you a card and forgets the present and you go ballistic, drink to excess to such an extent hat he feels the need to call the police. He has had enough. You are minimising, you are unstable and you have a drink problem. The kids are used to it hence their nonchalance but they are also leaving you too it as they need a break from you and from the events of last night. Respect your partner and his need to have space from you and if he makes a decision to leave then respect that as well. He has a choice not to be in a relationship like this. It is significant that your concern is for him and not your kids. Calling him your world sounds like you are a teenager and you are dependent on him. Get help. Grow up.

The first one was on my birthday and the second last night after I had a night out so very close to it.

And yes to the pp who said I have owned my bad beaviour I have and I feel ill that I not only did this to him but to the kids. I feel sick I have done this and loathe myself today and on top of the self loathing I am heartbroken.

Op, stop and go back to where you were a week ago.

Do not idealise him or the relationship, it is always a shock when a relationship ends (even if you are the one walking away) but do not blame yourself or the other 4 arguments for his departure.

He left because the relationship was dying and you know it was dying too, make a list about why you have been so annoyed lately and revert to it every single time you start missing him.

Best friend my arse, I bet he has been taking the mickey for a long while and you have been putting up with a lot of shit lately so you might have been more irritable than you would have been if he had treated the relationship differently.

What ????

I think he has had one foot out the door and took his chance.

Totally my view too.

Has he gone silent on you because nothing he says will satisfy you?
Do you just want him to admit he's wrong?

Honestly nothing. Nothing has happened outside of this but apparently these two arguments remind him of the 4 over the years we have had and he is not willing to put up with it. We have been on family outings, date nights just for us etc and nothing else has happened.

I think he called the police as part of a bigger plan. Not surprised if social services do a check. Also wouldn't be surprised if there's another woman on the scene

Sorry, I really am struggling to see your side here. It feels like a kid stamping their feet cause they didn't get the pink doll they wanted. I have honestly not met a person so obsessed with what someone got them for their birthday. Sorry, you come across as spoilt.

I mean the yelling and rinking obviously is a big problem which seems like you at least acknowledge that.

But this whole droopy lip, but I wanted more for my birthday is juvenile.

Yes absolutely I would be asking those same questions. I wasn’t expressing a side but asking her questions to find out more - nobody on this thread knows their relationship inside out.
How do you know he isn’t an awful husband and this was just the straw that broke the camel’s back? Nobody knows that as we don’t know the people involved.
If you are asking me, would I leave my happy marriage because my husband got drunk and yelled at me one time, then I also wouldn’t. It would have to be an unhappy marriage for me to leave. Perhaps some people would throw everything away over a drunken row, that is their choice. We also weren’t there so we don’t know how bad it actually was
Did he call the police because OP was being abusive and violent and he was scared? Or because he saw an opportunity to scare her and make his getaway? We do not know. I don’t have an opinion either way, am just playing devil’s advocate.

He isnt wrong though just thoughtless about the birthday thing. Aside from that I am in the wrong but instead of ignoring a person all day I would try iron things out but he didnt and waited to have a few glasses of wine while i was out then i come in prety much reciting the argument of the other night and he rang the police saying he is not dealing with my outbursts anymore.

Please re read @BustyLaRoux excellent post. I suggest you engage the services of a therapist to help you navigate your current emotions and to help you build a happy and fulfilling future. Hopefully this is the wake up call you needed to address issues that appear to have been glossed over but never really dealt with.

It may not feel like it now but this is an opportunity, don’t squander it.

Quite, devaluing, dehumanising, creating confusion whereby the abused person feels that they are the abusive one, if they react to the negligent or cruel behaviour it can create confusion which much of the time the abused person is the last one to recognise it.

It can lead to self destructive behaviour, drinking, self harm a whole host of anything because they don't know which way is up or down.

Before the op is slated there needs to be more facts.

OP, I mean this both to jolt you and to encourage you.

You've mentioned more beauty treatments in this thread than I've had in my entire life. You saw or spoke to a lot of friends yesterday - if you'd told them how upset you were not to receive a present from DP, you'd have received the love and support you're now trying to find on Mumsnet. It sounds like you were more focused on keeping up appearances, on what they would think?

IF you put the same time and effort and care into working with a therapist on who you are on the inside, as you do to how you look and what other people think, I promise you will reap so many rewards, for yourself, and for your family.

The shouting is crap behaviour, as you know.

However, it sounds to me like he was angling for a reason to leave you. He knew the present thing would wind you up. I think he’s spoiled for a fight so he can blame you for the break up.

Despite what you currently think and feel, you can survive without him.

@Stravaig I am very embarassed actually as all our friends and family thought he was going to propose and instead absolutely nothing just the card so yes my hopes were high and then he mentions the creepy place i would never go to and it round its way around my head all day and came out of my mouth after wine that night.