The love of my life has just left me and I am heartbroken.

[Ifuckeditallup]

After a series of arguments, mainly caused by my about the same thing over and over again my dp has left me. He took his bags today and went. My heart shattered into a million pieces watching him walk out that door. He has blocked me on fb which is the only platform either of us use and pretty much is cold as ice now although we have had to message about the kids today.

Help me get over this? I loved him with all of my being and fucked it up with one last argument last night that he is not going to get over. Not ever. Aside from the recent arguments we have only had about others in our relationship. I have lost my best friend, my team mate, my lover all in the space of a day. What can I do to heal? It hurts so very much. I am dying inside right now as I type this because I dont want to tell family or friends. Im shattered. Please help me cope.

This.
Him 'not treating you enough for your birthday' is a line you're within your rights to end the relationship over. It certainly wouldn't be my priority. But, as you know your reaction was way out of proportion and you need to put your children first.

Not surprised he's had enough.

I hadn't seen this. Fair enough OP you know what your priorities should be, I hope my response didn't sound like putting the boot in. Look after yourself: counsellor and quitting the booze.

@MarshaArt - oh fuck off. Its a random internet forum.Opinions may or may not be of any actual worth,(to op-or collectively)As you are aware ,there were no exams or english lit standards required to join. If i write in gobbildeegook you could just ignored me- scroll on surely.The real ignorance in my opinion, was you felt the need to snipe. cheers for that.

Right now you'll be hungover and that doesn't help anything. Alcohol is a destabilizer. You need to give yourself 3 days to get the effects out of your system and you need to give it up.

People are right - your kids will be stunned and devastated, however good a face they are putting on it. Their world has fallen apart.

Right now, even if your heart is breaking so much that it hurts in your chest and you don't know how to get through the next five minutes, you need to consciously decide to engage your brain and plan how to get through the next hour, then the next then the next.

Talk to someone who is a true friend - someone who won't tell you it's not your fault but will stand by you anyway and help you put your life back together.

As others have said, you seriously need a counsellor. This argument hasn't come out of nowhere and some intense, challenging (but not brutal) counselling can make you re-assess your whole life and understand yourself, and your relationships, much better. I have the feeling there's more going on in your relationship than you're aware of; unless you have learned an enormous amount about how to communicate, 4 arguments in all those years actually sounds very little to me. Learning about communicating also means learning how to handle conflict constructively too, which is something you need, I think.

You've dropped the vase and it's broken. Only time will tell if it can be glued back together, but for right now water, exercise (a lot of it, it helps you sleep), decent food and an honest friend will get you through the next days.

You also need to apologise from the heart, but with dignity, to both your children and to him. Not in order to get him back, but because it's the right thing to do.

Could you ask him if he would call you at some stage when he feels ready to. I really feel for you. You have some issues you need to work on yourself. Tell him you are willing to get some help.

Uh huh. Ok 🙂

This has all the hallmarks of narcisistic abuse, devaluation, confusion, flying monkeys et al.

He sounds ok though, considering he was so frightened he had to call the police, having dinner with the kids, going out to a show.

@RandomForest do you mean me or dp by narc?

Who called the police? Him? The kids? The neighbours?

@Butchyrestingface him and no there was no throwing of anything or threatening behaviour i basically came home from a night out having been asked by people what dp got me for my bday and when i got home i decided to have another crack at whipping him about it.

Him.

Mum losing control is scary no matter how you put it and no matter how old they are.

I think that he’s done the right thing for all of you by removing himself.

FWIW my Dh didn’t get me a birthday present either. I didn’t shout, I didn’t get angry and the police weren’t called.

He obviously doesn’t deserve to be treated like that and it was for everyone’s sake that it’s good he left.

I understand you’re heartbroken but this is a man you’re supposed to love and no one deserves to be treated like this, especially someone you’re supposed to love.

I feel devastated for him but I am more concerned for your children and it’s important that they do not grow up in this sort of household.

He has put the children first by leaving and stopping the toxic situation.
You need to focus on this and realise that they now need to come first.

I think if you were to commit to counselling or anger management and cut out the alcohol you might save your marriage.

I'd commit to sobriety regardless and explore what this is all really about. Sounds like more going on than you'll admit to.

This is the best advise on here.

Your behaviour is absolutely shocking. Behaving like a spoilt princess - and then going on about how you wouldn’t step foot in the spa he would was planning to buy you a treatment in.
There have been multiple times over the years when I or my partner haven’t managed to buy a present for the exact birthday day - we do however go for a nice meal and maybe plan what would be a good present. No angry scenes involved because we are grownups and realise that presents are not the foundation of a relationship.
And then getting so drunk and angry that the police had to be called - and your poor children had to witness your drunken narcissistic rage. Disgusting. He had to leave - he cannot model to your children that this is acceptable in a relationship.
You need to apologise profusely to your children and mean it. And take steps now to address your alcohol problem.

Sounds like he’s gaslighting and scapegoating you, but it doesn’t sound like alcohol is helping either.

so -
Recently, you've been feeling that he doesn't make you a priority.
He lost his credit card so you had to pay for your own meal.
He didn't get you a gift.
He said he'd send you alone to a place you've recently said you find creepy.
He stopped talking to you.

Then, when you were upset after having to publicly admit he'd done nothing for you - you blew up at him. That's not good, but actually, I can see why you'd feel wound up.

then, even though there were no threats/throwing or any hint of danger, he called the police. The police don't usually get called for an argument, even if it is loud.

Now he's packed his bags and taken the teenagers off to have a great time with him.

Honestly, it sounds like he's decided he wants out but instead of admitting it, manipulated you into this situation where he comes off looking like the good guy.

I think you should be focusing on yourself today. Have a mental spa break - where you're kind to yourself and think of all the positive things in your life and all the good things you do. Are the teens coming home soon? If you have the energy, tidy the house and make it nice for them. Do something positive to make them feel good about coming home, and even if you don't immediately feel better, at least know you made it better for them.

There’s clearly more to this than what you’re stating on here. Good luck to you all

Yup.

Good grief. Yeah, let's put it all on him. Would you have the same opinion if the roles were reversed?

OP, I am glad you are getting a few kinder posts.

Of course this is a shit show and you behaved badly, but him calling the police when there was no threatening behaviour would only have exacerbated the upset for your children.

As this is not a regular occurrence it will be the police being called that they will likely remember.

He was thoughtless and I think you have felt that he was off.

I 100% think he wanted out and he has manipulated this situation, calling the police so that he can exit on that basis.

Get your drinking sorted.
Definitely get some therapy.
Don't chase him.

I think he has had one foot out the door and took his chance.

He quite possibly was deliberate in his actions knowing that it would land.

This is obviously very painful for you, see your GP for support if you feel yourself sliding.

Your children need their mum well.
This will be a very confusing time for them.

I think your husband has been very selfish in his actions, blowing this up, even though you have to take full responsibility for the condition you came home in.

On the basis of you being absolutely no physical threat to anyone, a decent parent would de-escalate the situation as best they can, get the partner to bed and deal with it sober.

He could have done that and still left.

Accept it really is over and mind yourself as best you can.

"Women don't get a free pass because they are women."

They do by some, unfortunately.