The love of my life has just left me and I am heartbroken.

[Ifuckeditallup]

After a series of arguments, mainly caused by my about the same thing over and over again my dp has left me. He took his bags today and went. My heart shattered into a million pieces watching him walk out that door. He has blocked me on fb which is the only platform either of us use and pretty much is cold as ice now although we have had to message about the kids today.

Help me get over this? I loved him with all of my being and fucked it up with one last argument last night that he is not going to get over. Not ever. Aside from the recent arguments we have only had about others in our relationship. I have lost my best friend, my team mate, my lover all in the space of a day. What can I do to heal? It hurts so very much. I am dying inside right now as I type this because I dont want to tell family or friends. Im shattered. Please help me cope.

We couldn't get police to come out when we had a patient being aggressive and physically threatening, but they came out after a few shouty words here?

@MichelleScarn we are in the west of Ireland. Fuck all neighbours and plenty of bored police.

Kids in the house may have prompted a quick response

As well he might after OP’s behaviour, surely?

Well they asked about abuse..so im guessing he has spun a yarn in the bathroom stating she is abusive.

Due to the limited arguements,it being stating purely shouting. I doubt he was fearing for his safety. I mean he called them going for a pee..she was hardly banging the door down chasing him and loitering outside from the posts. Hence i think he is being calculating and made OP feel over the years that everything is her doing...is that called reactive abuse? When someone constantly provokes you or manipulates a situation to appear the victim?

(I am perhaps projecting haha)

Okay, I don't want to speculate about what he may have said, but it's actually very difficult to get the police to come out very quickly on a Friday night if they don't think someone is in imminent danger, unless you're in an area where they're extremely underworked, or they've had multiple calls.

@Hopinghonestly I just dont see it with him. I mean you can never really know as I have learned on here but he has never been a manipulative person.

Ah just seen they're bored, never mind.

I think you need to stop thinking of yourself and make your kids your priority. You were so drunk and abusive that someone called the police. Your kids must have been scared and upset to have seen their mother like this. Hopefully they aren't too traumatised and you can apologise to them and become more stable.

Nothing of interest happens here and when it does it nearly gets printed the next day like a milk carton empty found in a field lol Slow news days every days. I know the police too by first names and their wives so very odd he called as he does too and this will be network mayo news now for weeks. And we the most boring family like.

I think it was calculated.

Is he quite sensitive? Maybe thats the extreme reaction with police?

Or is it because he has one foot out the door so now making a way out to not feel guilty? Is he a clever chap? Like could make calculated plans?

It just all sounds a bit bizarre to call police over shouting if you dont even feel unsafe... its not the norm to call out services to calm someone down for you.

They were not traumatised if you read OP’s posts.

He was pretty thoughtless not to buy you a present or to even give you a heads up about it. I too would be upset and it would cause an argument with my dh and I. The thing is you resolved it and started the argument again because you were drunk. I know you were still upset but you previously decided to move past it.

Whatever happened in the argument was enough for him to be upset and want to phone the police. You were drunk and he clearly didn’t trust your behaviour. I know you say you children didn’t feel upset or scared but what happened was out of order.

I think you need some time to cool off and work on yourself. I know you’re hurting and lonely with him and the children living in the other house but I genuinely think it’s for the best. Things have got heated and you two need your own space to work through this and decide what you want from a relationship.

I know you say friends and family thought he would propose but you can’t let people’s opinions get your hopes up.
Take some time to cry but then start to think about what’s going to happen next and how you can work on yourself. When you are both ready, ask him to talk and see what he wants from this relationship and if you can salvage it.

And HE called them, not some random.

West of Ireland could well be underworked- picking up the pieces from young people driving crazy and crashing would be later at night.

Is he local? Is calling the guards in character for him- thinking about people I know for the men to call the guards would be a massive deal. Alternatively is it more of a strategic thing to paint you as loose cannon/crazy drunk.

OP have you had any contact with him today?
If the relationship is over you need to get your head together and start thinking logically.
It may not be over, but in that case you also need to get control of this situation and have your action plan ready.
What is your plan?

Never deal with the police rather than a quick hello when we see them and we just know their wives from the odd pub get together but it is mainly dinner parties up here in the houses etc cos we are all detached so no neighbour complaints!

@BlueMoe yeah he messaged to say kids were fed and happy enough and off to a show. they have messaged since being there and are to ft before bedtime. He is not restricting me from them and i wouldnt from him either. I just am missing him to be honest. He should be here with me like he always is watching our shows on tv etc.

OP, he absolutely wants this to be news around the place.

Only someone with an agenda and a wish to humiliate you, create a narrative that suits his purpose, would call the police in the situation and location you describe.

I would advise you to wake up and smell the roses, because he is well ahead of you.

He was 100% waiting for an opportunity and he has taken it.

This man is not your friend and your relationship has been well and truly over on his side, for a while.

I'm so sorry.

How will housing, finances, childcare work.....will this be complicated?

Start getting organised.

OP could be an abusive cunt or the ex could be a shrewd calculating bastard who deliberately didn't buy her anything in the hopes that she'd kick off so he could call the police and fuck her off.

What seems more likely?

I know what my money is on.

It sounds like you've had festering resentments for a long time, and rather than being honest about them, potentially resulting in small arguments, you have reached your limit and blown your top in a massive row! Was your relationship really that healthy anyway? Not having many arguments isn't always an indicator of that.And him not buying you a gift suggests he doesn't have the feelings towards you that he should.
As hard as it is definitely bring in family and friends to offload to and help you practically, and to help with the children so they can feel more stable and secure.

From what I've known about guards I wouldn't worry about them gossiping about you, especially if they were baffled when they arrived, they're more likely to think he's a twat for calling them out for no reason.

Of course we don't know what happened, and you do, but simply on the information presented here I'd suggest if you both aren't willing to work on things properly with a therapist then your communication problems will be too vast to navigate. A lack of arguments does not always mean a good relationship, and in some cases can mean conflict is simply avoided to the extent where it causes this kind of situation.

If he comes back please don't just let this slide because you're happy. Work things through with professional help.

Mmmmm.... don't know what to make of this really.
Him not getting you a birthday present is really thoughtless and uncaring. If he truly loved you, he would have wanted you to have a good birthday. Even my shittiest ex at least made an effort on my birthday. Also, you'd know your partner well enough to get them something that they would like and not something you know they wouldn't like.
You mention that you thought a proposal was in the offing - I've read all your posts, but can't remember exactly what you said. A man who is about to propose would be getting their partner a birthday gift.
Is it possible that he's got cold feet and has been pulling away, hence the lack of birthday present?

That said, your behaviour was awful. You have owned it.
Do you regularly drink too much?
As none of us were there we can't know how bad the shouting was that caused him to call the police? Perhaps he was concerned for your safety as well as his own - that you were so out of control you might have harmed yourself or him. Or did he overreact on purpose to make sure there was a record of the incident??

I do think he did the right thing by leaving though. Any woman who came on here and said there husband got drunk and verbally aggressive with her would be told to leave immediately and go to a safe place; to phone the police; to ltb; to see a solicitor on Monday etc. Nobody should be staying with someone who is behaving like that.

I think you have to let the dust settle a bit now. You will have to stay calm. Stay off the booze completely. Self-care is important. Give both of you time to think about what you really want.

Sometimes when we lose control of ourselves like you did, it's because your subconscious is telling you that something is not right, even if you think that he's the "love of your life". Something is off.

Well, maybe you did go too far but he is a jerk. At best thoughtless. And why didn't he get his act together and sort a proper birthday gift - he should have done this to begin with but at the very least he should have done so when he knew how upset you were? And calling the police? Sounds as if he engineered the whole thing as an excuse to leave. And yes, it was not ideal to have the dc witness the melt down. But it's not a regular event, you were humiliated and hurt and it may not be the worst thing in the world for them to see how strong emotions affect even parents. However, by all means beat yourself up over it - you will certainly have any number of the self righteous happy to pile on with you. Have a shower, write a simple clear text apologising and explaining how hurt and embarrassed you were by firstly his selfishness and secondly by having his indifference to you highlighted by your friends inadvertently humiliating you by assuming he had made some sort of effort and innocently wanting to share in your enjoyment. If you haven't already explain how devastated you were to your dc. And if he is going to leave over this - then your marriage was dead anyway. Chin up - you are worth more than this.

Crickey, I'm glad there's some sense of reason here! People saying you were so out of control the police were called - I could accept this if a neighbour had called because it sounded like things were dangerously escalating but no, it was him that did it because you got shouty as a result of him being a thoughtless tosser. There's no reason for calling the police because someone has raised their voice. It's an absolute wonder he didn't get done for wasting police time. They are overstretched enough without getting called up every time someone has an argument!

I know you feel like you've lost the love of your life but he seems pretty despicable to me. Calling up the police to make a big thing out of an argument in front of his kids. What an appalling thing to do.

You're taking way too much responsibility for this situation. You raised your voice. Big deal. He did the rest of it.

I'm sorry you're going through all this and I hear you. Your partner has made you feel like you're not the priority and whilst it might seem to some "just over the gift", I know myself it's that overall feeling over it and of course, goes WAY beyond the gift. It's hard to know if he made the excuse to leave because you were right all along over how you felt over the lack of effort v's your sensitive/deeper (like me) reaction to it all that went a bit far this night over police. I've been through something very similar where after thinking I was over reacting and made to feel I was, the person did eventually fall for someone else. Long and complex story and I think you're right to be guarded. You're a deep thinker and feeler like me and sensitive, I think. My offer of help going forwards is to PM me and we can chat, if you feel like you could add a new potential friend to your life right now x