The love of my life has just left me and I am heartbroken.

[Ifuckeditallup]

After a series of arguments, mainly caused by my about the same thing over and over again my dp has left me. He took his bags today and went. My heart shattered into a million pieces watching him walk out that door. He has blocked me on fb which is the only platform either of us use and pretty much is cold as ice now although we have had to message about the kids today.

Help me get over this? I loved him with all of my being and fucked it up with one last argument last night that he is not going to get over. Not ever. Aside from the recent arguments we have only had about others in our relationship. I have lost my best friend, my team mate, my lover all in the space of a day. What can I do to heal? It hurts so very much. I am dying inside right now as I type this because I dont want to tell family or friends. Im shattered. Please help me cope.

As you've been together for a long time, why would they think that ?? Had you mentioned anything to them ? If that's what you were expecting , I can understand why it exacerbated your feelings .

Really? That justifies fighting so loud and bad that police gets called? I think partner is the one who had a lucky escape.

Whenever you explain what happened, your ‘I take full responsibility for my actions’ are always followed by an implied but. But’s have no place in apologies, when you try to qualify your behaviour it just comes across as the opposite of taking full responsibility. I sense a lot of insecurity on your part and it must be incredibly draining to always be mindful of someone else’s insecurities, especially when they erupt like you did the other night.

There’s a self absorption to your posts, which go much further than the normal woe is me I’ve just been dumped. The way you quickly dismissed the impact your behaviour had on your kids is quite concerning. You describe your partner as your best friend, your everything but beyond the cursory apology, you don’t seem that concerned about his feelings. There’s the the self pitying ’he was probably looking for an excuse to leave’ and the yeah it was bad but he overacted given that it’s only been the fourth argument in over a decade and he should have taped it through instead of calling the Police and leaving.

I may have it wrong and maybe shame, guilt, embarrassment and plain old denial have contributed to you not being able to accept the pain your actions have had on your loved ones but something tells me, my observations are probably much closer to the truth.

Again this is a wake up call, it’s up to you if you listen to it.

If this really is the end of your relationship, you owe it to your kids to get help in navigating the choppy waters that are about to follow.

When you say you're insecure, OP, how does this manifest itself? Do you repeatedly compare yourself to his previous partners, looking for reassurance? Has this been happening lots recently? I only ask as it seems you've got all het up about something which isn't really that important and he's then left; is it a 'straw that broke the camel's back' type of situation?

Whatever the root cause, anyway, you accept it's your fault so all you can do is be gentle on yourself and allow yourself time to come to terms with your new position and work on keeping your dignity. Work hard to keep things civil, even amicable, for the sake of your kids.

Calling the police was presumably either because he was genuinely fearful and thought it was warranted or he wants something on record to use as evidence later in any potential court proceedings (and it may give him access to legal aid). As others have said this was extreme - only you will know why he decided to do this, but the cynic in me thinks it's possible he set all this up to create a scenario in which the relationship would end, you would blame yourself and the external world would look at the evidence and decide you are a danger to your children, to him and to yourself. No one on here will be able to tell which it is, but if he manipulated this situation then you need to pull yourself together quickly. Even if you don't think you need it engage with an alcohol abuse support group, ask for anger management referral from your GP, counselling as well maybe and then you also have evidence to show that are not that person. For your heartache, I only have clichés - only time can heal and take one day at a time. Good luck and hope you come out of this stronger and better.

You need to chill. I am sorry, but if you really all do not fight that often, but you blow up huge when you do, then he may have been holding things back for years in order to not get you upset.
Frankly, I think he has wanted to leave for a while and finally decided to do so. If I were you, I would be calm from now on. If neither of you have ever been violent and if you were only yelling and not throwing, breaking or threatening violence-then him calling the police seems less like an actual attempt to de-escalate and more like an attempt to build a case of DV against you.
Now, I have no idea if he would be valid or not, don't know either of you. but, whether it is or not, that is what it looks like to me. He could be just a jerk, or he could have good reason. I don't know.
While I agree that you have the right to be upset about what happened, I think that your reaction was way over the top. Drunk or not. It only takes one or two experiences like that for some partners to just refuse to argue anymore. There could be tons of problems in your relationship that you are not aware of because of him (and possibly others) walking on eggshells around you. I would recommend that you go see someone and maybe also get a couples therapist for both of you.

Jesus Christ! You lost your shit, shouted a bit, so he called the police?

And posters on here pretending they’ve never lost their Shit and shouted are hilarious!!!!!

If my husband called the police every time I raised my voice, I’d be in jail at this stage.

Let me give you an example - this morning I opened the cupboard door to realise that dh had shoved all the shopping in randomly. Now this might sound harmless, but I had spent three bloody hours cleaning it (it’s one of those huge larder things) the day before. It was disgusting. I talked to dh about how it can’t always be me doing these jobs and to pls put stuff back in some sort of order. This morning after making pancakes and all sorts for breakfast, I just saw red. I said something, he said something else (along the lines of calm down it’s only some pasta). And yes I shouted. And yes - the horror - my child witnessed the conflict.

Can we all stop the pearl clutching? Kids see conflict all the bloody time. What matters is that the conflict ends and the parents show the kids how to manage the conflict.

Sure the alcohol isn’t ideal. But I actually reckon calling the police and then leaving because your partner had a drunken rant at you is more problematic than the rant itself.

Posters keep referring to the fact her behaviour was so bad "the police got called" as if this is something that is automatically triggered after your behaviour reaches a certain level of unacceptability.

In reality anyone can call the police on any situation. I could call them now and claim my partner was threatening me. It wouldn't alter the fact he is currently calmly lying in bed......

I'm unclear as to why OP's partner called them. Arguing, even arguing while drunk, isn't a çriminal offence.

Possibly OP was violent, threatening pr destructive, but we can't necessarily assume that. On some occasions men (and women too I suspect) will call the police when their partner argues with them, as a form of gaslighting.

This.

You will be better off without him OP as he sounds like a bit of an arse but getting plastered and rowing to the extent police were called is poor behaviour by you as well. Especially in front of your kids.

Hopefully you can tackle your drinking and just focus on you and the kids now x

^ This ^

I also agree that this was probably just an excuse for him to get out and there’s likely an OW

So many differing views. I am reading and absorbing them right now and will mull them over later in the day or week etc but it is great to get different perspectives.

Agreed with @BustyLaRoux that the whole relationship might not be quite what it seems on the surface.

You've accepted that your behaviour was not ok, no matter what. But agreed that it seems very likely indeed (to me at least) that there's something going on under the surface, and it's not all you by a long way.

Stop. Drinking.

Of course he has exes. But he had a home and a family with you.

Yes, they can be thoughtless empathy vacuums when it comes to the little important features like a well considered present.

But you went so over the top while under the influence the teens were frightened, the police called, and he did what women advise other women to do every single day here - he left.

It must be devastating for you. Do you want to mend it?

Write to him setting it all out calmly and clearly. Promise to stop drinking. You seem to turn into something frightening.

Consider getting some professional help for it and your anger.

Well yes, but I note the differing views tend to fall into one of two categories;

1. people looking only at your behaviour yesterday, a one off incident. Some people say firmly but kindly that your behaviour wasn't okay, some people just shove the boot in hard.

2. people who are looking under the surface a bit. There are a variety of views here, but at least some people are trying to look at where this one incident fits into the whole picture. Because there -is- a whole picture. This really hasn't just come out of the blue. There were days and weeks and months and years before this, and this behaviour is very out of character for you from everything you've said. When people behave out of character all of a sudden - there's reasons, and they can be more subtle and more complex than it looks on the surface.

@JFDIYOLO my kids were not in the least frightened. A bit shocked that mum and dad were arguing although I monopolised the argument as i felt i had more to say but no ultimately they were like hmm ok they are arguing and when the eldest found out that dad had not bought me a gift he was annoyed too but this is when dad decided to call the police. All I did was rant and rave, nothing was thrown, I did not result to name calling as I am never disrespectful to him especially around our kids I just ranted that he was a bit selfish and thoughtless and I felt underappreciated etc the usual drunk diatribe I assume in situations like this but the kids thought nothing of it. Not cos we argue, we dont, it was a different thing for them to see and then he called the police.

Hmm my thoughts are he is setting you up. Calling the police on shouting? Even the police and your kids being confused why..4 arguements in all these years...

We all make mistakes but you sound like you literally believe you are the devil incarnate...for getting drunk after a nightout (which if once in a blue moon many do) and having a verbal bust up...i mean did you threaten him? Call him rude words with heinous slander?

Careful you do not make yourself to sound worse then you are and get incriminated into a person you arent to fit his agenda.

He didnt get you a birthday gift which he has always done..pretty sure he would preempt you feeling neglected..then ignored the issue allday until you had been out drinking...

Sounds like a massive plan of action that is working perfectly.

Have a think..if this could be true then dust yourself off and get one step ahead incase a more sinister intention is afoot.

Were the children shocked then by him calling the police ?, did they voice that opinion, could they voice that opinion ?

Did he tell them to leave with him or did they request it.

Havve the children ever been upset by your drinking ?

I suggest you take a cup of tea to bed and try to sleep.

Careful you do not make yourself to sound worse then you are and get incriminated into a person you arent to fit his agenda.

I'm thinking the 'crazy ex' scenario.

Did you hear what he said to the police, and how long did it take for them to arrive? Was the argument still happening when they arrived or had it stopped, and why do you think they were baffled?

I ask because the police don't generally come out because someone is shouting the odds when they've had too many.

@RandomForest no never have dealt with the police at all bar a car being stolen some years ago off our drive. That is not the life we lead at all. I rarely go out usually stay home with the family and we might crack a bottle open of a weekend but it was my bday week so me and he and kids had dinner and wine (plus more wine when kids in bed) the first night and second night I was out with friends which is when I came home possibly emotional as I was heartbroken to tell them no he didnt propose. I am not sure where the insinuation came from but we have been 'saving' for a few years 'just because' and maybe I was more emotional because he didnt. So not only are we not engaged but now we are over. I cannot quite comprehend it.

@RandomForest also no the police just said go to bed both of you type thing and that was it. He decided this morning to pack a bag and go to our holiday home so i was the one suggested he take the kids as he can compartmentalise and i cannot so my emotions show on my face and kids dont need to see that.

@YesIReallyDidOK no I thought he went upstairs to go to the toilet and did not know a thing about the police till i opened the door to an officer asking to come in and ask if I was being abusive to him. They were in the house under 15 mins.

He was maybe hoping you'd be carted off by the police. When you weren't, he had to think again.