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Original poster

41- I am pregnant from the first time we had sex

433 replies

Pizzapie81 · 24/08/2023 22:10

I will preface this by saying that for several years during my mid to late 30s I tried to get pregnant without any success whatsoever. This was with tracking ovulation etc. I never had it investigated at the time and buried my head in the sand and felt like a failure. Always felt there was something wrong with me.

Anyway, move forward to now and I am 41, almost 42. I met a guy from OLD back in February. We met up a couple of times at that point but he said he wasn’t looking a relationship which I took to mean that he was trying to let me down gently and didn’t find me attractive.

A couple of months ago we got back in touch and started messaging. We agreed to meet up “as friends” even though I still fancied him. I thought that if nothing else a bit of male company and companionship would be appreciated.

To cut a long story short, it turns out that he did find me attractive and we had amazing sex. The first time we had sex we got carried away and neither of us had a condom. I know I will get flamed for this but I honestly thought it would be fine given the hundreds of times I had actively tried to conceive without a single success.

BUT, I have just found out that I am pregnant! I am almost 7 weeks now and don’t know how and when I am going to tell him. I am fairly sure he won’t want to be involved and at least he was upfront from the beginning and gave me no false hope of a relationship. I am definitely keeping the baby whatever the outcome but would just like advice on how to proceed? Would you wait until first scan to let him know? Also, I am aware that I don’t actually know this man very well at all and am wondering if telling him over the phone might be best.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
Winnipeggy · 09/10/2023 19:47

Congratulations! Sounds like it went well and you have lots of family support even if he won't be involved x

ihadamarveloustime · 09/10/2023 19:48

Great update.

Congratulations again on your pregnancy.

AcrossthePond55 · 09/10/2023 19:50

@Pizzapie81

I'm glad things are going well for you and baby, and that he took your news calmly.

I know you don't have any expectations, but just be aware that his attitude may change more than once in the upcoming months. He may go from wanting the baby to denying it is his. From wanting to give financial support to accusing you of being a 'golddigger'. From calmness to unreasonable anger. Just remember that you don't have to subject yourself to anything you don't want to. So don't be afraid to cut communication with him if you need to.

And also remember that he has NO right to be in the delivery room. That is a place for you and someone you are close to who can be an emotional support for you.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/10/2023 20:02

That’s a great update. I hope he continues to be considerate and rational.

ThePoshUns · 09/10/2023 20:32

Thanks for the update. I'm glad to hear the pregnancy is going well and you are happy with how things turned out with the father, good luck with everything.

VelvetUndergrounds · 09/10/2023 20:36

Congrats OP, really pleased for you and good luck with the pregnancy!

Zanatdy · 09/10/2023 20:40

Well done OP. Your baby has the right to know it father and not telling him like some people suggested would have been wrong. Sounds like it went as well as can be expected. Give him some time to absorb, sounds to me like he will be involved in the child’s life

Maharajah20 · 09/10/2023 20:50

Glad to hear all going so well! Thanks for updating, looking forward to to a spring update when Baby Pizzapie makes their appearance!

Munchyseeds2 · 09/10/2023 20:52

I'm glad telling him went well
Who knows what the future holds?
For now just enjoy the fact that you are going to be a mum!

jenny38 · 09/10/2023 20:52

Well done op. You handled it well, and right to leave it there with him to let it sink in. I imagine it was a huge shock and he will have lots of ups and downs as he gets used to tge idea. Lovely to hear the scan went well too.

Rowrox · 09/10/2023 21:09

Aww love to see a good update 😊 This is the definition of honesty is the best policy. You now don’t have to carry about any big secret and it’s up to him what he does going forward. Chances are he wouldn’t have been able to suggest any sort of real life plan yesterday as he wouldn’t have been able to get past the initial shock but I’m sure he will have thought about the practicalities of it all on repeat since he phoned you! If I was a man and got that text I would probably half suspect that could be why when I phoned 😂 Hopefully baby will have some sort of relationship with him, even if it’s only a case of knowing who he is etc. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy, you’re through the hardest bit 😊

Savagecabbage101 · 09/10/2023 21:14

I think you should tell him.
A baby grows up into a little person very quickly. They might want contact!

PimpMyFridge · 09/10/2023 22:05

Glad you went with your gut, honesty is rarely a bad thing! You can't control his reaction of course but you can stand by your voice, and it sounds like the conversation went as well as it possibly could do all things considered.
Congratulations on everything going well with pregnancy so far, I hope that continues. Exciting times!

PimpMyFridge · 09/10/2023 22:05

Voice=choice

Duchessofspace · 09/10/2023 22:15

TaylorsSwimShorts · 24/08/2023 22:26

I wouldn't tell him at all... you'll run the risk of an almost stranger having your child half the time...

This

he made it clear it didn’t want a baby or a relationship really.

Congratulations and go it alone!

Duchessofspace · 09/10/2023 22:16

Pizzapie81 · 09/10/2023 19:38

Hi there, just wanted to give an update as I hate when the OP just disappears and you never find out what happened- depending on personal circumstances of course!!

Anyway, I haven’t seen him since the last time I posted but knew that ultimately it was the right thing to do to let him know he was going to be a dad. My sister and mum were trying to convince me over the last couple of weeks that maybe I shouldn’t tell him at all as he obviously isn’t interested in a relationship with me and it would just complicate matters, but I knew I couldn’t carry around the burden of “what if” for the rest of my life. I also took note of those posters who said to think of the child and the questions they might have in the future and how would I explain if I had never told him.

I had my 12 week scan last week and all went well. Baby is thriving and was wriggling around so much they found it difficult to take a measurement.😍The midwife has actually classed me as a low risk pregnancy for the time being as the single risk factor I have is my age.

Yesterday, I bit the bullet and messaged that I needed to talk to him. Almost didn’t expect to hear back from him as it has probably been 9 or 10 weeks since we’ve been in touch. Anyway, to my surprise he phoned me straight back and I made the announcement! To say he was shocked was an understatement but it went much better than expected. He actually asked how this could happen and I didn’t want to point out the obvious!😂

We had a really good discussion about it all and I made it clear I had zero expectations from him and it was entirely his decision if he wanted to be involved. He asked if I was planning to keep the baby to which I made it very clear that I absolutely was. He said that he prefers to plan things but that it was my body and my choice and he respected my decision.

He said again that he wanted to be honest in the fact this wouldn’t mean he would want a relationship and I said I didn’t expect that. He did say though that if I ever need anything just phone him and he will be there to help. He also talked briefly about seeing the baby although at this stage I thought it best not to query any further on what this meant. He was obviously in extreme shock!!

I was glad that it actually gave me the opportunity to ask him about his family medical history as that had been something that had been on my mind since the appointment with the midwife.

So all in all I feel like a massive weight has been lifted and that no matter what he decides from here on in, I at least let him know he is going to be a dad.

I should have read the thread - great update

whattodo22222 · 09/10/2023 22:45

What a great update, I'm happy for you, fellow MNer. And thanks for coming back to tell us! All the best with the rest of your pregnancy x

Vinrouge4 · 09/10/2023 23:05

Thanks for the update. Do let us know how it all goes.

Pockettopic · 09/10/2023 23:20

I would wait until you had the scan. I would give him your back story too. I think the child may want to know him. If he does want to be involved. Also he has a financial obligation. If he does step up it could be helpful for you if he doesn’t it will be frustrating.

WhatapityWapiti · 09/10/2023 23:27

Cancel the cheque!

Burntouted · 09/10/2023 23:41

Delete.

I would have a paternity test done to prove to him that it's his child.

ThePoshUns · 09/10/2023 23:44

Read the whole thread people or at least all the OPs updates 🙄

Burntouted · 09/10/2023 23:47

You're going to need that.

Gooseysgirl · 09/10/2023 23:53

Lovely update OP, glad to hear all was good at the scan 🥰

Thisisworsethananticpated · 10/10/2023 07:26

What a wonderful update

baby pizza is wriggling !

and I (personally ) think you did the right thing

let it sink in