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Relationships

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Original poster

Had a one night stand and now feeling like shit

133 replies

thecatsarecrazy · 24/08/2023 02:48

Well at the age of 41 I experienced my first one night stand and walk of shame and I didn't like it.
I was talking to his Friend originally and things were never going anywhere there so he introduced me to him and gave him my number. We messaged a hand full of times and he invited me out for a drink. We got flirting, kissed and spent the night together. The sex was incredible, not a drunken fumble proper sex with him in no way being selfish, we had sex twice that evening, twice in the morning and taking full advantage of the hotel staying until 12. He took me home and then soon after the buzz started to fade. I messaged him saying I hope you enjoyed it and his response was yeah it was fun. No talk about hope to see you again or anything so clearly a one off, I left it at that but now I just feel horrible.

OP posts:

Bluesheeps · 24/08/2023 02:53

There’s no such thing as the walk of shame.
there’s also no problem in knowing one night stands are not for you!
you tried it, you didn’t like it! That’s ok!

Original poster

thecatsarecrazy · 24/08/2023 02:55

How do I get past feeling shitty?

OP posts:

ClaraBourne · 24/08/2023 02:57

You had great sex, which many one night stands are not!

He sounds like a gentleman but not up for more. See it for what it was, which can be emancipating. But also, maybe not for you long term.

ClaraBourne · 24/08/2023 02:58

Why do you feel shitty?

Bluesheeps · 24/08/2023 02:59

stop punishing yourself?
I used to have a fair few hookups….but wouldn’t have sex. Because it wasn’t for me. Sex for me needs some sort of emotional connection. But I only learnt that from having a shitty one night stand.
maybe you wanted more? He thought you were ok with the physical aspect.
regardless. Stop feeling shitty….you tried it, you didn’t like it. End of. Some people do, some people don’t

Laserbeam24 · 24/08/2023 03:02

Glad you had a good night (and morning)! I think you should delve deeper into why you feel shitty.

Do you feel bad because that's potentially all it was? Did you want it to be more? Do you feel you have lowered your self constructed morals/standards? I feel there's an element of shame for you, which there shouldn't be. You're allowed to have no strings attached fun, but it's best if you figure these feelings out.

CarpetDiem · 24/08/2023 04:45

Don’t feel shitty OP, you’re probably starting to regret it as having never had a ONS before you may have been expecting it to be the start of something. ONS are not for you, put it down to experience & reframe it as something ticked off the 40something bingo sheet. C’est La vie.

LBFseBrom · 24/08/2023 04:50

Many of us have been there. I sympathise. The feelings you are experiencing will pass, I promise. Don't do it again, protect yourself from now on.

rwalker · 24/08/2023 05:21

I don’t think it’s the sex I think it’s you would like it to go further and it isn’t going to
its disappointment not shame you feeling

CapEBarra · 24/08/2023 05:49

I don’t think it’s shame. I think you feel rejected by someone you quite liked and your ego has taken a bit of a bruising. Perhaps you wanted it to be the start of something wonderful and you are disappointed and perhaps a little insulted that he doesn’t feel the same. It’s not you - it’s him. Maybe he’s not ready for a relationship or likes playing the field. Maybe he doesn’t have time to devote to a relationship, or maybe he didn’t think you gelled as well as you thought. Maybe your expectations were too high. You had a night and a morning of great sex so I would take that as a bonus and a nice treat, and pack it away as one ticked off your bucket list.

PermanentTemporary · 24/08/2023 05:55

I'd work out why you feel shitty and then put it away as part of life's rich pattern.

Hate to say it but are you hungover?? You may feel a lot better after that...

HollyBollyBooBoo · 24/08/2023 06:17

But why do you feel shitty? Sounds like a bloody amazing night.

Justleaveitblankthen · 24/08/2023 06:35

He's currently all shagged out OP.
He'll be back in touch before the end of the week

siblingrevelryagain · 24/08/2023 06:42

Look back at your message to him; might he have got the impression that you weren’t leaving it open to a repeat? Might he be having the same thoughts as you and it’s a mis-communication?

if there’s a chance that could be the case, there’s nothing wrong in one final message, breezily suggesting you meet up again (if you want to), then leaving the ball in his court. If he doesn’t reply you’ve lost nothing, and if he does it might be because he wanted to but misinterpreted your original response.

otherwise, try to see it for what it was: really great sex with a considerate man. Bonus!

Dotcheck · 24/08/2023 06:49

Aw, you haven’t done anything wrong, but you did learn one nighters aren’t for you. Try and let it go- chalk it up to experience ☺️

Buffypaws · 24/08/2023 06:51

It’s a moral hangover. I used to have them but the feeling fades and my conquests became a point of pride.

I don’t think it’s rejection it’s more of a come down.

GilbertMarkham · 24/08/2023 07:02

Oxytocin

datinginmy40s · 24/08/2023 07:03

You probably feel bad for a few reasons

it's yours first one night stand, maybe you expected more from this guy as the sex was so good.
as women, society (and a lot of Mumsnet) willl have you believe that having a ONS/sleeping with someone on the first date isn't good behaviour. You probably feel a certain shame, because the societal judgement that is placed on women! You have nothing to feel shitty about , you had an amazing night of fantastic sex! Surely that should be celebrated.
sadly, unless you communicated what it was you were after before you slept with this guy he doesn't really owe you anything. Chalk it up for next time and if this experience has made you feel crap, maybe communicate your expectations during a date.

As previous poster said there is no walk of shame and you have nothing to feel terrible about. Safe, enjoyable sex should be celebrated

Janieforever · 24/08/2023 07:08

I’m also unsure it’s the fact you slept together that’s making you feel bad, it’s the fact he hasn’t asked to see you again.

so you’ve learned something about yourself, which is you want a relationship, or dating, so sleeping with someone the first time you meet them isn’t for you, you need to ensure you’ve communicated what you wish and the other person is on the same page, before you go there.

one night stands are fine if that’s what you both wish, but if you wish more then you need to hold back and communicate your needs.

DuploTrain · 24/08/2023 07:08

Are you hungover? I get terrible feelings of doom when I’m hungover (or hanxiety as some people like to call it). Even if I’ve had the best night I was feel that I must have embarrassed myself some how. It fades as I start feeling better.

There’s no reason to feel terrible (as you know), maybe its just coming back to reality after a night of escapism.

thaisweetchill · 24/08/2023 07:10

I've had two one night stands and the second one I felt shit about purely because I really liked him, I was definitely punching so didn't know what he saw in me (well I do now a quick fumble 😂) this was over 10 years ago and it did take a while to get over. However it was bloody great sex so take that from it!

My first one was on a girls holiday so I knew there was no strings attached and the likelihood of seeing him again were slim so I never gave it a second thought.

Just move on and just put it to experience.

DontBeBitterGlitter2023 · 24/08/2023 07:11

It's not the walk of shame it's the stride of pride...

Seriously though please don't beat yourself up!

At least you had great sex which is more than most one night stands achieve

Whataretheodds · 24/08/2023 07:15

You do some exercise, have a bath, call a mate and eat something nourishing to restore your strength after your massive session. You're craving oxytocin.

And you rejoice in the night of great sex. If he decides not to message you that's on him, it is NOT a reflection on you.

On our deathbed we'll all wish we had more great sex with near strangers in hotel rooms. There's plenty of time for loving familiar sex with life partners but once you're there it's pretty difficult to go back.

TrudyCampbell · 24/08/2023 07:20

oh sorry to hear that.

you didn't have a one night stand, because a one night stand is were you already ready know it's a one night stand. You go into it with yours eyes open.

love this edit button! My fat fingers are a nightmare

supercali77 · 24/08/2023 07:23

Itll just pass over the next couple of weeks. At least now you know that it's not for you.

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