Had a one night stand and now feeling like shit

[thecatsarecrazy]

Well at the age of 41 I experienced my first one night stand and walk of shame and I didn't like it.
I was talking to his Friend originally and things were never going anywhere there so he introduced me to him and gave him my number. We messaged a hand full of times and he invited me out for a drink. We got flirting, kissed and spent the night together. The sex was incredible, not a drunken fumble proper sex with him in no way being selfish, we had sex twice that evening, twice in the morning and taking full advantage of the hotel staying until 12. He took me home and then soon after the buzz started to fade. I messaged him saying I hope you enjoyed it and his response was yeah it was fun. No talk about hope to see you again or anything so clearly a one off, I left it at that but now I just feel horrible.

A one night stand with incredible sex?? Lucky you! It's usually crap 😉

Not sure why you feel shitty about it. If it's not for you, don't do it again. But you stop feeling shtty about it by appreciating it for what it was - great sex and a nice memory to think back on.

As women we get a lot of mixed messages about sex. Sex is something to be done to a woman by a man after he has been clever enough to convince her into it. It is the man's right to have and enjoy sex, but if a woman dares to freely want and enjoy it then that's shameful. Do you think there are many men out there who would feel shame in this situation? No, because they're conditioned to feel like sex is an achievement.

As others have said it's completely valid if what you've learnt from this is that you prefer sex within a committed relationship. The feelings you have right now are probably multi layered and may take some time to work through.

It sounds like you're disappointed by his reaction more than anything. You had a great night. His response put a downer on it. Understandable. ONS aren't for everyone.

I can't see the appeal. I don't get how you an have mind blowing sex with someone who could have gonorrhea (hence the condom) and where neither party can do oral. Or where the crushing or love there but I digress!!!

This. If your night was as "active" as you describe you've probably not slept much which feels weird the next day if you've had a fair bit to drink, so absolutely could be an element of Beer Fear too.

You may feel more philosophical and at peace with it after some proper rest

Absolutely could be this. I'm sure I'll be handed a new one for saying this but generally in my experience, even if very keen, many men aren't huge communicators by phone/message.

If you do like him I wouldn't immediately read too much into his silence

Also if your not fussed that's also ok as is deciding you've done a ONS and it's not something you want to repeat.

Get some rest and be kind to yourself

OP, I'm 53 and have never had a ONS but think what you have explained sounds ideal. Why feel shitty? You are consenting adults, u enjoyed yourselves. That's what I would keep remembering. Maybe they are not for you for whatever reason. Take care OP

Very well summed up

Also jealous your first ONS was loads of amazing sex

I had one at 40 & it was awful. Truly awful. I didn't even stay the night. I left him asleep and wrote a note. Awful.

I had massive anxiety the next day.

Give it a few days & the feelings will pass.

You need to reframe it in your mind. Some empowering music, fantasising and a quick session with a vibrating tool will probably see you right!

You've drained the life force from him. Give it time, he will probably get touch.
If he doesn't, then you at least gained a life lesson that you're not someone who enjoys one night stands.
Better the lesson learned from a Sex God than with a 2 pump chump. It's a win win situation.

Go easy on yourself x

@DontBeBitterGlitter2023 the stride of pride haha I love it!

Like the expression 2 pump chimp and stride of pride. Made me laugh🤣

Chump not chimp😫🤣

Emotions like shame are usually telling you something about what you want or need. I had a longish fling with a guy who didn't want anything more some years back. I remember driving home at 5am to go to work one Monday after another "amazing weekend" and , finally, just thinking, no.... I can't do this. I felt so lonely! A month later I was lucky enough to start dating my now husband.

Yes to the Hangover question and also did you get the message that women only should only want sex if they are in love?

You enjoyed yourself and that is all that matters 😎

I think that after such a great night you hoped it might turn into something more and when it didn't you were disappointed. To me that says that (like me) you're not cut out for one night stands and want more than just sex.

For me, I felt so shit after a ONS because I was trying to find someone to care about/love me where at the time I felt no-one did. Took me years to understand that! The shitty feeling usually went away after a few days.

You feel used I suppose and becauae it is out of character you feel bad. We have all been there. Just don't message again etc the feeling woll fade for you or you could have a FWB but then don't get atrached

Don't feel bad! You had some fun, ONS's are not for you, it's all okay.

Please try not to stress 🙂

It looks to me like you had a night/morning of great sex.

Agree maybe one night stands aren't for you but I bet he is feeling nothing but great sex after glow-there is no shame at all in 2 consenting adults!!!
Take it for what it was and move on!

Correct

OP, enjoy it for what it was and the sex was good.

For most of us sex is intensely personal and private. Part of the walk of shame (and of course woman should not be ashamed of or be shamed for having sex) is that he private becomes public.

We tend not to advertise that we have sex, even when it is expected. For example many dislike jokes or bawdy comments about the bridal night. It is the business of the happy couple and no one else.

The walk of shame lets everyone know your private business.

May well be something to do with all those female sex hormones - they can make you feel a bond that isn't there.
Plus the intimacy that comes with sex can create a false feeling of connection.
So you're feeling all connected and open to opportunity and he's happy with a night of sex.
It's a tough one but don't chase - it'll make you feel far worse.
Take it as learning one of your boundaries

Sounds awesome