Boyfriend said I need to start behaving before he proposes

[LouLo2121]

My boyfriend has made this comment a few times ‘that I need to start behaving’ before he proposes (we’ve been together 3 years, lived together for 1.5).

for some context, I'm very respectful towards him, I cook clean, doing all the washing and go 50/50 with most things money wise, he also lives in my house.

i do get emotional and sometimes say mean things in the heat of the moment. Me ‘behaving’ means getting less emotional and not calling him out on anything.

do I really need to be with someone that wants me to ‘behave’ in order for him to propose?

You will never regret sacking this one off.

tick what items off exactly ?

Op you've already expressed doubts and when you do that he calls you 'mean'.

He'd be an awful husband and you may possibly lose your house.

What are the doubts you mentioned to him?

Noooooo OP run away! My friend had a live-in boyfriend who said this to her. He said he might propose if she "played her cards right" and basically proved she loved him by constantly putting up with whatever controlling crap he came up with and never complaining.

Happy to say it didn't come to that and she got rid! It's typical controlling behaviour from a shitty man who thinks dangling the prospect of a proposal is enough to make any woman do whatever he wants. That's not someone you want to end up married to. If he wants to marry you it should be because he loves you and wants to be with you - not as a way of controlling you.

The whole relationship sounds weird and unhealthy.

Kick his arse out OP, what a wanker

Jesus, dump this entitled little wannabe lord and master. And for god sake, NEVER skivvy for a man, he won’t respect you for it, and it’s very hard to love someone you don’t respect.
If you do go ahead and marry this twat, at least make sure you protect your house.

You should be grateful. Him making a proposal conditional on you 'behaving' means at least you're not married and it's much easier to end the relationship and tell him to move out. He'll be manipulative and possibly refuse to leave so it might be worth having a male relative pop in just to ensure it all goes as smoothly as possible.

OP don't marry a man you are already having doubts about, who you could lose your house to and certainly one who wants to correct your behaviour like an untrained dog.

Throw this one back.

If he’s like this now imagine what he’ll be like if you had a kid. I’m not usually in the JLTMFA camp, but in this case, I recommend it.

WTF have I just read??!!

Why on earth do you want him to propose? All he seems to be proposing is that he gets a skivvy wo has to obey his every command.

Ye Gods woman - dump him.

And he proposes,marries you,divorces you and walks away with a full 50% of the house that was gifted to you that he currently lives in rent free whilst doing nothing except getting a free housekeeping service

He's a total cocklodger;get rid.

Imagine having kids with him;you'd be left to do everything.

If you get married (hopefully not to him) no matter how nice they are;get a legal agreement in place to protect your home in the case of divorce.

@LouLo2121 Everyone gets snappy at some point, it's how you communicate and work through it that the difference. I dunno how you or he is in general obviously but I am calm, I rarely get angry but it still wasn't enough I had to change myself for my wife until I was no longer who I was. There was no end to it.

I wanted to get married, have kids, the house and we did all that. Only it got worse and it turned abusive after marriage. She's now taken everything from underneath me including the children.

It may not be that case but just be wary is all, I was blindsided now I have nothing, not even a relationship with my children. What was sold was a lie, basically.

Please come back and tell us when you've dumped him, OP! Given how hard you work and what you contribute to the relationship, he should love you for the person you are.

Are you Mrs.Waterford?

Hmm your BF needs to start pulling his weight or the relationship is over! What a cheek.

Defo do not marry this man, your only 27 Xx

Get rid of him while it's easy. It becomes a right mess when you're married, have dc and he gets half your assets.
Share your life with a decent man who values you.

He’s controlling you.

Yeah, maybe he can give you a star chart OP and rate your performance in different areas each day such as cooking, blow jobs, how well you’ve ironed his shirts etc, before a quarterly review of your progress? 🙄

What the fuck!! Behaving?

Run 🏃‍♀️

I cannot see what benefit there would be for you in marrying him. He is bringing nothing into your relationship, not even a place for you to live in (you already have that). He doesn't pay for anything other than the bare minimum and doesn't do any housework, cooking or cleaning. There is nothing for you here. Can't believe he thinks he is some kind of "catch" that you have to earn the right to be with. He is trying to gaslight you into believing that he is.

Don't bother to talk to him beyond saying "this isn't working for me and you need to leave". He won't want to do that so will probably try stalling tactics. Ignore them, keep sticking to the line that it is over and start packing his things for him. He isn't going to step up and do anything in the house no matter what promises he makes and would cost you a lot to get rid of once married and tied down with kids. Don't go there.

One day you will meet a decent guy who will be concerned that he isn't seen as a gold digger and will want to have a legal agreement that your property is ring-fenced as an asset you had prior to the marriage and you can leave it to any children rather than him. He will have some assets of his own and be happy to contribute fairly both financially and in doing his share in the home. He will be worth marrying, not your current "D"P.

This does not bode well. It sounds like he's a control freak. Plus he's nasty.

Please leave now.

Tell don’t bother proposing then and don’t let the door hit his arse on his way out.