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Original poster

Boyfriend said I need to start behaving before he proposes

564 replies

LouLo2121 · 22/08/2023 10:49

My boyfriend has made this comment a few times ‘that I need to start behaving’ before he proposes (we’ve been together 3 years, lived together for 1.5).

for some context, I'm very respectful towards him, I cook clean, doing all the washing and go 50/50 with most things money wise, he also lives in my house.

i do get emotional and sometimes say mean things in the heat of the moment. Me ‘behaving’ means getting less emotional and not calling him out on anything.

do I really need to be with someone that wants me to ‘behave’ in order for him to propose?

OP posts:
Riiiiighty · 22/08/2023 12:28

context is key. what emotional things you say and what is that you always need to pull him up on?

Simbaiamyourfather · 22/08/2023 12:29

I know this sounds awful but I'm failing to see any benefit in you marrying this man. You stand to lose so much more than you could possibly gain. Especially as you own the house. You're also doing all the cooking and all the cleaning so you're already putting way more into this relationship than 50/50. This isn't fair and you deserve more.

yellowsmileyface · 22/08/2023 12:29

What are you hoping to gain from the conversation with him?

Original poster
LouLo2121 · 22/08/2023 12:29

I appreciate the comment. But I’m a lot more cut throat than I may sound.
im happy to take the trash out when needed. Some advice is never harmful.

OP posts:
Riiiiighty · 22/08/2023 12:29

and why is he living in your house? is it to ease YOUR financial pressures?

Original poster
LouLo2121 · 22/08/2023 12:30

Nope, I can afford the house on my own.

OP posts:
yellowsmileyface · 22/08/2023 12:31

LouLo2121 · 22/08/2023 12:29

I appreciate the comment. But I’m a lot more cut throat than I may sound.
im happy to take the trash out when needed. Some advice is never harmful.

In what way are you cut throat if you do all the cooking and cleaning and make things as easy for him as possible?

LBFseBrom · 22/08/2023 12:31

Get rid, move on. You can do better. Thank goodness you are NOT married to him.

IncompleteSenten · 22/08/2023 12:32

Marrying him would be the biggest mistake of your life.

StopStartStop · 22/08/2023 12:33

It's your house. Kick him the fuck out! Today is a good day for that. No-one but an abuser would tell you to 'start behaving'. And who is he to hold marriage up as a reward for good behaviour? I wouldn't marry him and I wouldn't recommend him as a husband to any living being.

Goldbar31 · 22/08/2023 12:34

You are in such a good financial
position and have your whole life ahead of you to pursue whatever your heart desires!

You don’t need him. You don’t need to suppress your thoughts and feelings. He sounds controlling.

At the very least, take some time out and try see the bigger picture.

Riiiiighty · 22/08/2023 12:35

LouLo2121 · 22/08/2023 12:29

I appreciate the comment. But I’m a lot more cut throat than I may sound.
im happy to take the trash out when needed. Some advice is never harmful.

If this was also in answer to my request for context, you are being evasive. I wonder why!

FWIW and on the little info you are willing to share- I believe he is right to demand you become less emotional- I also wouldn't marry someone like that.

However, if being emotional and saying mean things when frustrated is how you are as a person, then you too should dump him as he doesn't want your personality. And as one poster said, they can't see why you want to marry as you will lose property in divorce etc etc AND it is clear one of you will want to divorce.

So move on- now!

GilbertMarkham · 22/08/2023 12:35

He sounds like the type who'd have you doing pretty much all the work with any kids too.

He clearly doesn't pull his weight around the home, he'll be the same with other work he sees as women's too.

Monkeylimas · 22/08/2023 12:36

Marrying him would mean he is entitled to your money and home. Why on earth do you want to marry him?

He will say ‘I would never ask for any of your house’ experience tells me he WILL want 50% on it when you divorce.

You would be crazy to marry him.

Plus why do you do all the housework? Why is that a sign of you being a good partner? And if that is a sign of you being a good partner why doesn’t he do half?

Spend his share of the bill money on counselling and examine why you think he is a good partner/man. You deserve better and you really need to understand why you accept his shit behaviour in your life. Being single would be so much better than having him around.

Rubiconmango · 22/08/2023 12:36

Please let us know when you've kindly packed his bags and respectfully and obediently told him to GET THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR HOUSE AND FUCK HIMSELF. Thank you.

Howareu · 22/08/2023 12:38

Rubiconmango · 22/08/2023 12:36

Please let us know when you've kindly packed his bags and respectfully and obediently told him to GET THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR HOUSE AND FUCK HIMSELF. Thank you.

This 100%

Riiiiighty · 22/08/2023 12:39

Riiiiighty · 22/08/2023 12:35

If this was also in answer to my request for context, you are being evasive. I wonder why!

FWIW and on the little info you are willing to share- I believe he is right to demand you become less emotional- I also wouldn't marry someone like that.

However, if being emotional and saying mean things when frustrated is how you are as a person, then you too should dump him as he doesn't want your personality. And as one poster said, they can't see why you want to marry as you will lose property in divorce etc etc AND it is clear one of you will want to divorce.

So move on- now!

Show quote history

Typed too fast:

However, if being emotional and saying mean things when frustrated is how you are as a person, and he has no intention to stop doing things that frustrate you like pulling his weight around the house I thin k one poster said, then you too should dump him as he doesn't want your personality. Also, as one poster said, they can't see why you want to marry as you will lose property in divorce etc etc AND it is clear one of you will want to divorce.

So move on- now!

Icedlatteplease · 22/08/2023 12:39

LouLo2121 · 22/08/2023 11:08

Yes, I’m 27 and was lucky enough to have it gifted to me. No mortgage, just bills to pay

Oh ffs don't marry him anyway!! Marry will not be a good protection for you if you own your own property

indyocean · 22/08/2023 12:39

I would rather be alone

Fairymother · 22/08/2023 12:39

Was he joking? What did he say when you laughed in his face?
I mean, you did laugh when he said that, no?

Original poster
LouLo2121 · 22/08/2023 12:41

It was late last night, so rolled over and went to bed. Haven’t spoken to him since

OP posts:
Riiiiighty · 22/08/2023 12:41

Icedlatteplease · 22/08/2023 12:39

Oh ffs don't marry him anyway!! Marry will not be a good protection for you if you own your own property

Show quote history

Another FFS and I don't swear. Don't marry this idiot or another. You are clearly young and don't understand property stuff. Book a lawyer sharpish. It's why he is dating you and he can't even keep his stupid mask on and he already wants to abuse you!

Original poster
LouLo2121 · 22/08/2023 12:43

Thank you. I’m young but fortunately not stupid. My parents are divorced so I know the whole process start to finish when a property is involved. There are things in places

OP posts:
GilbertMarkham · 22/08/2023 12:44

Pre nups are not enforceable in this country.

If you marry him and stay married any amount of time, he'll get a shot at your assets, usually starting at 50%.

Purpleplanes · 22/08/2023 12:45

im a bit confused as to how you can be respectful to someone but also say mean things to them as you’ve mentioned in your original post. Surely by saying mean things to them that in itself suggests you’re not always respectful.

DH and I have many disagreements but I can’t say I’m ever mean to him. You mention being emotional at times but what does this mean or look like when this happens? I agree that your partner telling you to behave isn’t great but depending on what mean things you say to him - that’s far from great too!