Heartbroken - husband scared off my crush

[Lou153Lou]

My husband has some inheritance and he lives off it. Not enough to be frivolous.

He doesn’t do anything or see anyone from one day to the next. No interests. We have nothing to talk about and I find him pathetic and unattractive in his idleness and insecurities.

I feel like I’ve tried everything. Advice, honesty, suggestions, opportunities… even tender affection but he thinks its a green light for him masterbating in me.

We get this builder in for several months and long story short, he fancies me and eventually lets me know it.

I don’t find him physically attractive at all but he’s alpha and fit and chasing me.

Compliments and suggestive comments. I’m not sure I believe it - who would fancy me at nearly 40?! He’s seen me dog rough too.

I’m suddenly excited about getting dressed into something nice, a bit of make up, new bras.

It all feels safe. Nothing in common, rarely alone together and nothing sexually explicit. We’re never going to fall in love.

I didn’t hide my developing friendship from my husband but excluded the flirtation bit.

I started getting messages from him. Tried including my husband. How’s your day been type things, music interests, pretty boring but they made me smile.

Husband must have seen me smiling too much… suddenly completely exploded at me. Next thing he’s messaged the builder and exploded at him.

Immediately the builder has drop kicked me and I’m heartbroken. Not even checked I’m ok.

He’s turned ultra professional. Cold.

I get it, no drama, but I’m so fucking miserable without him showing an interest.

It’s not even the builder really. The worst thing is that I don’t think I’ll ever feel like that again. Desired. No one will ever notice me.

I wish we’d kissed. I wish we’d had a fumble. I wish I’d got chance to run my hands over his rock hard arms and chest.

I’ve thought about divorce but for what? My life is fine, children happy, no worries.

I only needed a secret flirty friend and my life would have been complete and now my husband had ruined that and I resent him even more for it.

My husband asked how I’d feel if it was him and my honest thought was relieved. I’d invite her and her family around for dinner!

Can anyone relate? Similar stories to share? Broken hearted within a secure marriage? Feeling forty?

Why don’t you leave your husband.? The builder is irrelevant here. Life is too short!

Why would you want to stay with a man you find pathetic and unattractive? You could have builder man or someone like him, just ditch the husband first!

Get divorced FFS. Mooning over the builder is ridiculous.

I echo above PP. Life is way too short to live in misery. Get out.
Don't look back in resentment.
Surely your kids can even see how unhealthy this relationship is? How old are they?

Just leave this empty marriage. You clearly despise your husband so why stay?

your husband sounds like a terribly depressing person to have in your life.

You tried including your husband?

I think you've been reading too many romance novels - he's an alpha?! His rock hard arms and chest? 😂

Your life isn't fine if you're this moony over a builder who gave you the eye is it, you literally typed you're "so fucking miserable" a few lines above. Sounds like you're lying to yourself?

Why do you need a secret flirty friend if your life is fine? Genuinely?

Your life doesn't sound fine. It sounds miserable.

Sounds like a mid life crisis. My advice? Grow up and either shit or get off the pot.

You had an emotional affair within a very unhappy marriage. Your husband is entitled to be angry with you. You need to be honest with yourself that your marriage is over and you are only staying for security. If you are only in your thirties why would you put up with this for the next 40 years? Leave and be free to find a partner that loves and appreciates you. Life is too short to be so unhappy.

You do realise you can divorce and stand on your own 2 feet people do it every day

Why on earth don't you leave your husband if you don't like him?

Also, I've noticed a lot of unlikely sounding stories on this site are written partly in the present tense.

Perchance are you a Jilly C reader?

What? If the builder was so important to you, why tell your husband? You were goading your husband, trying to get a reaction and you did. You can’t now be surprised at his reaction, surely!

Your behaviour is petty, immature and disrespectful. Work on your marriage or end it, particularly with children involved. Find and maintain your grace and dignity rather than playing a desperate, affection-starved woman out of a tacky novel!

I'm sorry op, but this makes you sound as bad as your husband. Having an emotional affair was awful, and to add insult to injury it was with a guy on your dh's (and your) payroll. You have a choice, either drift like this for the next 40 years, in what can't possibly be a happy home for your dc, or you take control and do something about it.

More like Razzle and Readers' Wives.

You sound very immature to be honest. Just have the honesty and guts to leave your husband and find another relationship. How do you know this builder isn’t married? You need to get a grip and do something positive that doesn’t involve mooning over a builder and staying in a dead marriage with someone you clearly hate.

Or this is a builder with fantasies.

who would fancy me at nearly 40?!

😭😭

Sure. Could happen….

🤣🤣🤣