Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Heartbroken - husband scared off my crush

140 replies

Lou153Lou · 22/08/2023 06:13

My husband has some inheritance and he lives off it. Not enough to be frivolous.

He doesn’t do anything or see anyone from one day to the next. No interests. We have nothing to talk about and I find him pathetic and unattractive in his idleness and insecurities.

I feel like I’ve tried everything. Advice, honesty, suggestions, opportunities… even tender affection but he thinks its a green light for him masterbating in me.

We get this builder in for several months and long story short, he fancies me and eventually lets me know it.

I don’t find him physically attractive at all but he’s alpha and fit and chasing me.

Compliments and suggestive comments. I’m not sure I believe it - who would fancy me at nearly 40?! He’s seen me dog rough too.

I’m suddenly excited about getting dressed into something nice, a bit of make up, new bras.

It all feels safe. Nothing in common, rarely alone together and nothing sexually explicit. We’re never going to fall in love.

I didn’t hide my developing friendship from my husband but excluded the flirtation bit.

I started getting messages from him. Tried including my husband. How’s your day been type things, music interests, pretty boring but they made me smile.

Husband must have seen me smiling too much… suddenly completely exploded at me. Next thing he’s messaged the builder and exploded at him.

Immediately the builder has drop kicked me and I’m heartbroken. Not even checked I’m ok.

He’s turned ultra professional. Cold.

I get it, no drama, but I’m so fucking miserable without him showing an interest.

It’s not even the builder really. The worst thing is that I don’t think I’ll ever feel like that again. Desired. No one will ever notice me.

I wish we’d kissed. I wish we’d had a fumble. I wish I’d got chance to run my hands over his rock hard arms and chest.

I’ve thought about divorce but for what? My life is fine, children happy, no worries.

I only needed a secret flirty friend and my life would have been complete and now my husband had ruined that and I resent him even more for it.

My husband asked how I’d feel if it was him and my honest thought was relieved. I’d invite her and her family around for dinner!

Can anyone relate? Similar stories to share? Broken hearted within a secure marriage? Feeling forty?

OP posts:
BodegaSushi · 22/08/2023 07:56
Confused
Fourlegsandatail · 22/08/2023 07:58

Jilly Cooper meets Motherland (remember the episode with Gary the Builder)

BodegaSushi · 22/08/2023 07:58

anyolddinosaur · 22/08/2023 07:29

Troll hunting is not permitted. There is a report button with a "not a genuine poster" for anyone who wants to use it.

OP leave your husband, he deserves better.

Have you read the children's book Super Dooper Jezebel? The titular character is just like you Grin

Hiddenvoice · 22/08/2023 07:58

If you’re this unhappy in your marriage then you need to end it. You can’t be angry at your husband stopping a potential affair.

also nearly 40 isn’t old

willWillSmithsmith · 22/08/2023 08:03

I don’t think this is real. As well as describing his arms etc as if you’re writing a bodice ripper you’re asking for other people’s stories. Hmm.

Sunflowersinthewind · 22/08/2023 08:07

This is that Motherland episode

deydododatdodontdeydo · 22/08/2023 08:08

Was in for the happy ending but it ended in tragedy.

TyrannosaurusSex · 22/08/2023 08:08

I wish I’d got chance to run my hands over his rock hard [...] arms and chest

Very disappointed with the end of that sentence Grin

HelpMeGetThrough · 22/08/2023 08:09

TyrannosaurusSex · 22/08/2023 08:08

I wish I’d got chance to run my hands over his rock hard [...] arms and chest

Very disappointed with the end of that sentence Grin

Tool belt?

Yetisrus29 · 22/08/2023 08:09

I feel like this could be one of those Channel 5 weekday afternoon movies.

K8ate · 22/08/2023 08:11

This must surely be a made up fantasy post.

SmileyClare · 22/08/2023 08:11

I don’t find him physically attractive at all

An odd basis for a crush but I guess your options are limited if you’re stuck at home living off your husband’s inheritance.

At least this has motivated you to buy some new bras.

readbooksdrinktea · 22/08/2023 08:12

Itsokay2020 · 22/08/2023 06:38

What? If the builder was so important to you, why tell your husband? You were goading your husband, trying to get a reaction and you did. You can’t now be surprised at his reaction, surely!

Your behaviour is petty, immature and disrespectful. Work on your marriage or end it, particularly with children involved. Find and maintain your grace and dignity rather than playing a desperate, affection-starved woman out of a tacky novel!

This!

You're being ridiculous.

Preeeettyprettygood · 22/08/2023 08:12

Gosh they start early don't they?!

Utter tosh

SoupDragon · 22/08/2023 08:13

Your H was right.

However, just divorce him!

Bansheed · 22/08/2023 08:14

A mess all round. Even as a fictional marriage, it is poisonous and terrible.

Leave.

fuckmyuteruslining · 22/08/2023 08:15

I strongly suggest nobody shares any stories on this thread!

SecondhandSalute · 22/08/2023 08:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

But in the idiom of Take A Break.

‘Gary my husband was a plodder, a decent man, a hard worker, but no compliments. He said ‘good girl’ when I put his dinner on the table, that was it. Then I set eyes on Barry, our builder. I was dog rough, half-awake, in my dressing gown, and he was fit, with rock-hard abs and a cheeky grin. There was a spark. Suddenly I started buying new bras for my secret alpha builder crush. Would we ever have a fumble in the utility room? Would I get to run my almost 40 year-old hands over his tattoos?’
Etc.

TyrannosaurusSex · 22/08/2023 08:21

My mum used to read Take a Break in the 90s - that's a real flashback moment for me Grin

TwoShyShy · 22/08/2023 08:22

You call your husband pathetic when you are the biggest most pathetic here.
Divorce your husband. The builder probably fancies your house and pockets, silly fool.

BitOutOfPractice · 22/08/2023 08:22

Preeeettyprettygood · 22/08/2023 08:12

Gosh they start early don't they?!

Utter tosh

This AI generated tosh won’t write itself…oh, actually it will!

at least there’s new bras.

longwayoff · 22/08/2023 08:22

Oh, it's just.like a Mills & Boon fantasy isnt it? Do something with your life.

NashvilleQueen · 22/08/2023 08:24

If anyone has watched Motherland this is like Julia and Garry's glove.

Mum2Fergus · 22/08/2023 08:26

"My life is fine". Really??!!

DontYouThreatenMeWithADeadFish · 22/08/2023 08:27

HelpMeGetThrough · 22/08/2023 07:24

I wish we’d kissed. I wish we’d had a fumble. I wish I’d got chance to run my hands over his rock hard arms and chest.

What's the name of his company, "Poldark and Son"?

Ha, that made me laugh.

"No emotional affair too big, no desperate housewife too small"

Swipe left for the next trending thread