Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Heartbroken - husband scared off my crush

140 replies

Lou153Lou · 22/08/2023 06:13

My husband has some inheritance and he lives off it. Not enough to be frivolous.

He doesn’t do anything or see anyone from one day to the next. No interests. We have nothing to talk about and I find him pathetic and unattractive in his idleness and insecurities.

I feel like I’ve tried everything. Advice, honesty, suggestions, opportunities… even tender affection but he thinks its a green light for him masterbating in me.

We get this builder in for several months and long story short, he fancies me and eventually lets me know it.

I don’t find him physically attractive at all but he’s alpha and fit and chasing me.

Compliments and suggestive comments. I’m not sure I believe it - who would fancy me at nearly 40?! He’s seen me dog rough too.

I’m suddenly excited about getting dressed into something nice, a bit of make up, new bras.

It all feels safe. Nothing in common, rarely alone together and nothing sexually explicit. We’re never going to fall in love.

I didn’t hide my developing friendship from my husband but excluded the flirtation bit.

I started getting messages from him. Tried including my husband. How’s your day been type things, music interests, pretty boring but they made me smile.

Husband must have seen me smiling too much… suddenly completely exploded at me. Next thing he’s messaged the builder and exploded at him.

Immediately the builder has drop kicked me and I’m heartbroken. Not even checked I’m ok.

He’s turned ultra professional. Cold.

I get it, no drama, but I’m so fucking miserable without him showing an interest.

It’s not even the builder really. The worst thing is that I don’t think I’ll ever feel like that again. Desired. No one will ever notice me.

I wish we’d kissed. I wish we’d had a fumble. I wish I’d got chance to run my hands over his rock hard arms and chest.

I’ve thought about divorce but for what? My life is fine, children happy, no worries.

I only needed a secret flirty friend and my life would have been complete and now my husband had ruined that and I resent him even more for it.

My husband asked how I’d feel if it was him and my honest thought was relieved. I’d invite her and her family around for dinner!

Can anyone relate? Similar stories to share? Broken hearted within a secure marriage? Feeling forty?

OP posts:
kittensinthekitchen · 22/08/2023 07:32

anyolddinosaur · 22/08/2023 07:29

Troll hunting is not permitted. There is a report button with a "not a genuine poster" for anyone who wants to use it.

OP leave your husband, he deserves better.

😂😂😂

Gnomegnomegnome · 22/08/2023 07:33

Do you have a white horse?
If so you should clamber up on to its cool silky back and ride into the wind. Go and seek out your one true love.

Tiredalwaystired · 22/08/2023 07:35

I give this a C+. Next term, work on your creative writing a little more by avoiding cliches.

Tryingmuchharder · 22/08/2023 07:36

Sounds very Mills and Boons.

Grow up, move out, sort your finances, get a divorce, stop mooning around and take control of your own life.

Create a REAL life your yourself.

WalkingThroughTreacle · 22/08/2023 07:37

It was never to be. My friend is a builder and gets lots of attention from female customers. He always ends up bricking it though and never cements the relationship.

Whattodo112222 · 22/08/2023 07:37

Unfortunately. You can't have your cake and eat it.

ChrisPPancake · 22/08/2023 07:43

Read your post objectively @Lou153Lou - you'll see that your life is not 'fine'.

ThreeRingCircus · 22/08/2023 07:43

You can tell it's the Summer holidays.

Next time try ChatGPT. It'll be better written.

ButterflyOil · 22/08/2023 07:44

Ah yes, ‘almost forty’, the time when womenz turn into desperate horny characters looking for that last chance sex with a stranger before they shrivel up forever. You definitely got how women behave down, 10/10 no notes.

BSintolerant · 22/08/2023 07:46

WalkingThroughTreacle · 22/08/2023 07:37

It was never to be. My friend is a builder and gets lots of attention from female customers. He always ends up bricking it though and never cements the relationship.

He could at least fill their cracks (especially if they’re 40)! 😉

TarquinOliverNimrod · 22/08/2023 07:46

I thought Barbara Cartland was dead

HelpMeGetThrough · 22/08/2023 07:47

stop mooning around and take control of your own life.

Mooning?? That's now conjured up the image of "builders arse".

TarquinOliverNimrod · 22/08/2023 07:48

anyolddinosaur · 22/08/2023 07:29

Troll hunting is not permitted. There is a report button with a "not a genuine poster" for anyone who wants to use it.

OP leave your husband, he deserves better.

That’s us told 😬

😂

WandaWonder · 22/08/2023 07:48

HelpMeGetThrough · 22/08/2023 07:47

stop mooning around and take control of your own life.

Mooning?? That's now conjured up the image of "builders arse".

I had a pun about a builders crack but maybe too rude

Window82 · 22/08/2023 07:49

You’re not in a secure marriage, you’re desperately unhappy. That read awfully tbh OP, it was really de-valuing of yourself. You’re worth so much more. You should leave.

BlastedIce · 22/08/2023 07:49

MichelleScarn · 22/08/2023 06:37

Perchance are you a Jilly C reader?

😂

CrapBucket · 22/08/2023 07:49

Normally in these situations the heroine, sorry - the OP - finds out an elderly aunt has died and left her a cottage in Cornwall, moves there and runs a cafe. Try that maybe?

DrMarshaFieldstone · 22/08/2023 07:50

You despise your husband. What on earth do you mean by a ‘secure‘ marriage? It sounds anything but. Are you staying for his money?

AffableApple · 22/08/2023 07:51

Can the virginal kid who's bored on school holidays please stand up?

JusthereforXmas · 22/08/2023 07:52

So you want an open relationship?

Either you discuss it with DH and he agrees or you split with him or you stay miserable... those are your 3 options.

A secret affair regardless of if its physical or emotional is a shitty thing to do and you know it.

topnoddy · 22/08/2023 07:52

Still school holidays OP ?

Againstmachine · 22/08/2023 07:53

I'd be embarrassed to have wrote this, that said trash novels sell look at fifty shades.

AlmostTotallyFake · 22/08/2023 07:54

Almost 40? You must have really let yourself go if you think men wouldn't fancy you at that age.....I think at this point in your novel (oops I meant life🙄) you need to go and have an amazing makeover, in the movies they usually swap the dowdy girls glasses for contact lenses and sort her out with a bouncy blow dry and then poof......she's stunning. Should work especially as you have your new bras as well.
Alternatively get a life.

MrsMcisaCt · 22/08/2023 07:55

CrapBucket · 22/08/2023 07:49

Normally in these situations the heroine, sorry - the OP - finds out an elderly aunt has died and left her a cottage in Cornwall, moves there and runs a cafe. Try that maybe?

😅
You can get 3 of these stories for £6 in The Works.