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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How often does your give you the silent treatment?

143 replies

Loadofoldshart · 17/08/2023 20:16

My dh hasn’t spoken to me or our 17 year old since Monday. Not even to congratulate her on her as results today.

He yelled at her in the airport on Monday for asking a perfectly reasonable question. I defended her and told him not to speak to either of us like that.he Went off on one and drove at 125-130 mph on the way home. Has been banging doors, throwing bags about etc since.

Have had the silent treatment before from him but this is the first he’s directed it at her and done the mad driving.

we've been together 18 years.

any thoughts? I’ve tried to be as balanced as possible here

OP posts:
Original poster
Loadofoldshart · 17/08/2023 20:17

title should read ‘how often does your DH give you the silent treatment’! It’s missing a word 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
Gnomegnomegnome · 17/08/2023 20:18

Never to answer your question.

Your Dh is a dick.

Original poster
Loadofoldshart · 17/08/2023 20:19

Thanks gnomex3!

Anyone else?

OP posts:
IDontLikePinaColadas · 17/08/2023 20:20

Never. Not once.

Your ‘D’H sounds like a childish idiot with the silent treatment whilst the driving thing is just a while other level of complete arsehole.

clopper · 17/08/2023 20:20

Never. He sounds childish and abusive. Who needs that in your life? The driving sounds insane. He could have killed you all and other innocents.

MBailey99 · 17/08/2023 20:21

Silent treatment is abuse.
Driving fast to scare you is abuse.
Being aggressive with inanimate objects is abuse.
All of the above are common tactics used by abusers.
I advise speaking to women's aid as I'm sure your list is a lot longer than what you've just told us.
We are all here for you.

always2323 · 17/08/2023 20:22

How awful. It must break your heart that he does this to you but doing it to your daughter too.

Jellybean23 · 17/08/2023 20:22

Never.

Haggisfish3 · 17/08/2023 20:22

Never. Your dh is an abusive cunt.

idkbroidk · 17/08/2023 20:22

this is not normal and most definitely abusive

first of all, yelling at someone for asking a question, especially your 17 year old daughter is verbally abusive

then, driving 130mph on the way home? in order to scare you both? is he insane? he could have injured himself, you, or his daughter, or even innocent people!!! this is NOT okay

also silent treatment as well as the door slamming from anyone over the age of maybe 18 is unbelievable. he's acting atrociously. you and your poor daughter

good on you for standing up for your daughter!!!

but yeah

not normal

absolutely awful :(

Original poster
Loadofoldshart · 17/08/2023 20:22

it’s so out of character (like I say - will do silent treatment but this was a bit nuts)

I’m sort of at a loss 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
colachive · 17/08/2023 20:23

Never. And driving incredibly dangerously with you both in the car is despicable. Report him to the police!

CrazyArmadilloLady · 17/08/2023 20:24

Never.

To put it bluntly, why do you want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t like you?

I’m not even going to touch on his treatment of your daughter, because it’s too appalling for words.

Miscellaneousme · 17/08/2023 20:24

Never. What you describe sounds like domestic abuse. What about giving women’s aid a call? I suspect what you’re describing here is the tip of the iceberg.

MBailey99 · 17/08/2023 20:24

colachive · 17/08/2023 20:23

Never. And driving incredibly dangerously with you both in the car is despicable. Report him to the police!

You can't just report someone to the police for driving fast however if you are being abused and wish to report to the police then absolutely do so (just don't expect a decent reapinse depending on which force area you live in).

Vretz · 17/08/2023 20:24

Never. Just wouldn't stand for it. Adults use their words in a calm, respectful manner to deal with issues - and if they do lose their shit (we all do), they apologise immediately and its out of character.

BLT24 · 17/08/2023 20:24

I’m sorry but are are in an extremely abusive relationship, it doesn’t matter how many times it’s happened, it’s completely unacceptable and if I were you I’d be ending the relationship immediately

Driving like a maniac - incredibly dangerous to try and frighten you like that so so abusive

Now he is using a technique called ‘Stonewalling’ another attempt to abuse and control you

All the work your child has put into their exams and he can’t even say congratulations

You are all better off without him 👋

CapEBarra · 17/08/2023 20:25

Never, but then he’s a grown up, fully functioning adult and not a large toddler. This is psychological and emotional abuse. Do not let your daughter become conditioned to think this is part of a normal relationship, because it’s not.

colachive · 17/08/2023 20:26

Driving dangerously is breaking the law, you can and should report that

whiteroseredrose · 17/08/2023 20:26

Never had the silent treatment. We get cross sometimes but then move on.

ZolaBudd · 17/08/2023 20:26

Never. In 30 years

Olika · 17/08/2023 20:27

That is too much. He is not a kid.

Malificent1 · 17/08/2023 20:28

What does your daughter make of his behaviour?

CrazyArmadilloLady · 17/08/2023 20:28

As a follow-up to my previous post, do you like him @Loadofoldshart ?

Okki · 17/08/2023 20:29

To answer your question - never.

How often and for how long have the other instances been? Does he respond to you if you've made dinner for example?