How often does your give you the silent treatment?

[Loadofoldshart]

My dh hasn’t spoken to me or our 17 year old since Monday. Not even to congratulate her on her as results today.

He yelled at her in the airport on Monday for asking a perfectly reasonable question. I defended her and told him not to speak to either of us like that.he Went off on one and drove at 125-130 mph on the way home. Has been banging doors, throwing bags about etc since.

Have had the silent treatment before from him but this is the first he’s directed it at her and done the mad driving.

we've been together 18 years.

any thoughts? I’ve tried to be as balanced as possible here

Never. It's just not something either of us would ever do.
It wasn't something I experienced growing up, and neither did dh.

My husband did all of this, always a drama and an arsehole at airports. The last time (he did it 3 times) he drove really fast like this I told him I was dialling 999 whilst in the car and reporting him for endangering our lives-that stopped him in his tracks. My Counsellor said I accepted unacceptable behaviour-don't be me, it wasn't worth it.

Not even speaking to his own dd - that's really bad and definitely not normal parent, or adult, behaviour.

As for ignoring her on her A level results day - unforgivable. He will be damaging his relationship with her forever. I'm not sure I could forgive dh if he blanked dd on such an important milestone.

I missed the driving - that's so dangerous, he could have killed you both!

You say it's out of character. How does he normally behave if you and he, or dd and he, argue?

But if he gets a ban, you will be picking up the slack and doing all the driving? And will It affect his job? If so then it will impact on family finances.

He sounds fucking foul like my EXH. As soon as he started that shit on my kids and I realised that they were going to start getting the sharp end of his ways, I was done. The crazy driving he did when my eldest was tiny, and I went ballistic and we broke up. Should have stayed broken up then, but he worked his way back to continue to be subtly (and not so subtly) abusive for another ten years.

Don’t be me. Don’t waste your life with someone who thinks it’s ever acceptable to drive like a maniac because their ego is bruised. Ask yourself if you’d ever put your child or other innocent lives at risk because you were angry? Of course not - he is not normal because not only did he do this, but he’s remorseless.

As pp said above, he is waging psychological war against you and your dd. This is not him being angry or upset, he’s not emotional, he is deliberately and knowingly trying to break both of you. He is trying to grind you to nothing with his insane behaviour, so you both know never to dare push against his authority again. This is abuse and manipulation that you will never fix, as a person who can do these things is too far gone. All you can do is leave, this won’t get better, I’d bet my house on it. I’d also lay money on him having a long history of small but nasty manipulation tactics that may have even been missed or dismissed by you.

Something about your dd, age or ability or becoming a woman or whatever, has triggered him into needing her to be now ground down and submit to him, too. If she pushes back he will become intolerable. If she gives in, she will always walk on eggshells until uni, and never want to come home. Believe me.

Thanks everybody

I saw this and thought of you. I recognise how hard it is to accept that your husband is behaving abusively. I've been there

He's an abusive dick. My ex used to do the silent treatment for weeks. The last time it went on for 2 months and I actually was so used to it it actually stopped bothering me.. he hated that it didn't upset me anymore so ramped up the physical and verbal abuse as a consequence.
It only gets worse OP. Its a tactic abusers employ

No doubt I'll be accused of victim blaming here but why are you still under the same roof, waiting around for him to treat you like a human being again? What on earth are you modelling to your daughter? She is at an age where she's impressionable and probably either entering into or at least thinking about, romantic relationships of her own. She's looking at the pair of you to model a healthy relationship. Quite clearly her father is dangerous and abusive. You also have a role to play here in showing her that this is not behaviour that can ever be tolerated. The only acceptable amount of abuse in a relationship is none. It doesn't matter how long he wasn't abusive for; he is now. He's had a week to reflect on his behaviour and to calm down, and he is not remorseful. He doesn't feel he's done anything wrong.

You don't seem to really have a clue how serious this is. He could easily have killed you both. I don't feel like this has landed with you. You and your daughter were almost killed. Your beautiful daughter, who has just received her exam results and is starting out in life, could very easily be dead now at the hands of her own father. Not to mention he could have wiped out an entire family or any number of other people just going about their day. This is extremely serious. I very sincerely hope he was picked up by the camera and has the book thrown at him. IMO people like your husband should have their cars seized, licenses revoked and should never be on the road again.

The silent treatment is the least of your worries really, but to answer your question, never. My husband and I don't stonewall each other because at the thin end of the wedge it's just deeply immature, unintelligent and the hallmark of a failed relationship with terrible communication and conflict resolution, and at the more serious end of the spectrum (where you are) it's abusive.

Bitta tough love there @BalletBob

Nope my dh had never done that and if he did I would be gone . No reason why someone can’t not communicate like an adult .

Hm
So your daughter is on the brink of adulthood and your husband is now giving her the silent treatment, which he does to you. Does he actually generally respect women?

Never.

@Dotcheck could you elaborate? Your point about on the brink of adulthood - what’s your thinking there…?

Never. If DH has a problem, we discuss it.

I had this A LOT with my ex partner. The silent treatment, dangerous driving, throwing things and damaging the house.

I finally decided to leave, I left when he was at work one day and that was just over a year ago. It was the best decision I made and I'm so, so much happier.

I know it is harder with children involved, and it is already hard without, but it is so worth it. You deserve better💜

Both my exes did this

and sadly my sons have learnt this also to a
lessor degree

but if he’s starting to do this to your DD it’s a big problem

as it will mess up her MH and you are the one who’s going to have to pick up the pieces