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Original poster

I've fallen in love and it's bad news

163 replies

Faghag · 28/02/2008 21:33

because I am married with three children and he is gay and fifteen years my junior. That says it all. We've drifted into this. We've been talking for an hour a day every day for over a year - just as the best of friends. I thought I was perfectly safe - who wouldn't with a gay man young enough to be my son. It became a very intense friendship with a lot of emotional involvement. DH was jealous, unreasonably so, I thought. Until we had sex last weekend and now my whole world is falling apart. I feel wretchedly guilty.

OP posts:
Youcannotbeserious · 28/02/2008 21:49

FH - What would this chap do if you called it off? (Set aside how you feel about this right now)

WHat would he say / do?

SoupDragon · 28/02/2008 21:49

The age difference and his supposed sexuality are not what's wrong with this. The fact that you are married with 3 children is.

KerryMum · 28/02/2008 21:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Faghag · 28/02/2008 21:50

He would be destroyed if I called it off. It's a complete mess.

OP posts:
Youcannotbeserious · 28/02/2008 21:51

Sorry, I disagree.

His age and his sexuality, coupled with the fact he's seeing an older woman, say that this is a guy who might be a bit confused and almost certainly isn't ready for the harsh reality of life with divorce / 3 kids looming...

This is not simply a case of a man and woman who want to be together... I think there are other issues.

Original poster
Faghag · 28/02/2008 21:51

Am I serious? I wish I weren't. It's that ludicrous? I suppose it must be from the outside.

OP posts:
KerryMum · 28/02/2008 21:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Faghag · 28/02/2008 21:53

We're at completely different stages of life and I didn't realise how emotionally vulnerable he was and this is just awful.

OP posts:
mrsruffallo · 28/02/2008 21:53

Agree Soupdragon.
Doesn't really matter that you describe him as gay or younger than you.
You have 3 children and a husband.
Couldn't you have waited until you had left your husband and given the children time to adjust?

Youcannotbeserious · 28/02/2008 21:54

Can I ask? What do you get out of the relationship which is missing with your DH?
I'm guessing this younger man listens to you, is attentive, perhaps lets you take control...

ANd for him? He has a soulmate / someone to listen to him and to understand.... Does he find it difficult to talk to people of his own age group? Perhaps he finds his sexuality a barrier? (has he had any proper relationships with men?)

I am not trying to be mean, but I really think you both need to understand why you have gotten to this point (I'm sure with hindsight you could see it coming - your DH did!).

Dior · 28/02/2008 21:54

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Faghag · 28/02/2008 21:54

Yes we had safe sex. His last boyfriend was HIV positive. Of course we had safe sex. It's a total headfuck. Sorry.

OP posts:
KerryMum · 28/02/2008 21:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dior · 28/02/2008 21:55

Message withdrawn

expatinscotland · 28/02/2008 21:55

it wasn't just a headfuck, you know.

pedilia · 28/02/2008 21:56

ShockHmm

Original poster
Faghag · 28/02/2008 21:56

You are very wise Youcannot. I didn't see it coming. I have no idea how I got here. I've been married for 19 years.

OP posts:
KerryMum · 28/02/2008 21:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrsruffallo · 28/02/2008 21:56

Have you told your dh?

Youcannotbeserious · 28/02/2008 21:57

I think, whatever your relationship is with this boy, you need to stand firm and tell him to get a HIV test sorted NOW.

For his safety, your and your family.

How old is he?

lou33 · 28/02/2008 21:58

oh i've been here, tho i wasnt with my h when it occured

it's caused a definite shift in our relationship, i dont see him anywhere near as much, because he doesnt know what to do with how he feels, especially when i am seeing someone

he now says he is bi, btw

we were exactly the same, going away fro weekends together, nothing improper went on when i was married, we used to share hotel rooms

as far as i was concerned he was gay, a v close friend and a lot younger

then 6months after i left my h it all came out

much as i love him, it wouldnt work, and our relationship will never be the same, even tho when we do see each other we have the best tiem

Shaniece · 28/02/2008 21:58

How can you fall in love with a GAY man who obviously is BI or wouldn't be shagging you. He is also years younger and probably shagging other people (men and women) and you have a DH and 3 DC's at home . What a bizarre situation to be in . Poor DC's I say.

KerryMum · 28/02/2008 21:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Faghag · 28/02/2008 21:59

I've not told my DH. What Youcannot said struck a chord - we really believed we were soulmates.

OP posts:
Slouchy · 28/02/2008 21:59

expat glad someone else is as snurky as me!And glad I didn't offend, Faghag.

Am pretty ed that you have had sex (safe/upthebum or otherwise) with someone who knows he has had a lot of sexual contact with someone who is HIV+. Never mind the friend, or your dh or even your kids..what about your own safety?