Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Nervous about dating v wealthy man

132 replies

coalsout · 13/08/2023 21:17

I've nc for this as I have a concurrent thread which may be identifying but I am single/ lone parent of three teenagers.
I would like a companion/
Friend/lover but I want to keep him completely separate from other parts of my
Life.
Just something to add joy to my life without any complications.
I have met a man on line.
We have chatted a good bit and get on great!
To add ,
My self esteem is high enough and I do know that I deserve the best having worked hard in myself after an abusive marriage that ended some years ago.

He has asked me for dinner and drinks a few times.
I am interested as he is looking for the exact same set up for the same reasons ...
So dinner, drinks,
Concerts,
Breaks away etc now and again but to be exclusive to each other.
I am also very attracted to him.

My issue is that he is very posh and very wealthy and I'm not so I wouldnt be in a position to spend a lot dating him and I want it to be mutual.
He likes fine dining, fine wines, luxury hotels and holiday locations.
I am relatively comfortable but a world away from his situation.
I don't know how to broach this.
Do I just leave it altogether?

OP posts:
SylvanianFrenemies · 13/08/2023 21:19

Just date him. If he suggests something you can't afford tell him so, and suggest an alternative.
Rich people deserve love too!!

ZolaBudd · 13/08/2023 21:20

I simply LOATHE the words “fine wines “

Original poster
coalsout · 13/08/2023 21:21

Those are my words, not his.
Sorry for offending you.

OP posts:
SophiaElizabethGrace · 13/08/2023 21:22

I don't know that I've understood your post correctly but you've not actually even met him yet. The life and wealth that you think he has may not be real. Conversely, he could also be extremely wealthy but not care about your status.

You're over thinking it. Just go for dinner. Get to know him properly. You can easily suggest restaurants or bars which are cosy/fun but don't charge £££.

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 13/08/2023 21:26

SylvanianFrenemies · 13/08/2023 21:19

Just date him. If he suggests something you can't afford tell him so, and suggest an alternative.
Rich people deserve love too!!

This

Original poster
coalsout · 13/08/2023 21:27

I've done the research.
He is very wealthy and his standard of living is mikes higher than mine which makes me nervous.

OP posts:
Timetochangegonzo · 13/08/2023 21:29

You sure you’re not being scammed?

SophiaElizabethGrace · 13/08/2023 21:29

coalsout · 13/08/2023 21:27

I've done the research.
He is very wealthy and his standard of living is mikes higher than mine which makes me nervous.

Then don't meet him then. Find someone who is similar to you.

I don't know what advice you want when you're yet to actually meet him.

Original poster
coalsout · 13/08/2023 21:30

I'm positive!
I've nothing to scam anyway !!!

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 13/08/2023 21:32

I agree with just going with the flow.

However, be careful.that he isn't infact someone who lives beyond his means. Eg, you might think him well off...but he's bad with money. Spending all he earns.

Even if he has it now, he might not in future.
And whilst it's good if he's not a tight arse... you also don't want to date someone who cant save or is incapable of saying no to purchases beyond his means.

A respectful person in his situation would either, match your means (so wouldn't ask you to overly expensive places in the first place) or, pay for you too. However...too much of the later could also be considered vulgar and he might be a love bomber. So ideally it would be a mix of both.

If he isn't considering what you can't afford then he isn't someone you should date.

However, you can always say 'hey, I want to date within my means so do you mind if we don't buy lobster'. Ect... then see how he adapts to that.

Mensuckbigtime · 13/08/2023 21:33

If you've been talking he surely knows what you work and can make assumptions about how much yih may earn.

If he's very rich, I'm.guesding he knows that most people can't keep up with him.

I wouldn't worry too much and if he's expecting you to pay for caviar every day, then raise the issue.

Hope all goes well

BHRK · 13/08/2023 21:36

I think you’re overthinking it. Just go on a date and see what happens! if he’s rich it doesn’t mean he’s either scamming you, expecting you to match him etc etc.
he might be a perfectly lovely straightforward guy who has done very well in life.
just meet him and see!

AutumnCrow · 13/08/2023 21:36

You haven't even met him?

And it can't ever be 'mutual', can it, if what you say is true.

Janieforever · 13/08/2023 21:39

How can you be very attracted to someone you’ve never met. And why if he’s asked have you not met him, but focusing on how much money he says he has?

Oysterbabe · 13/08/2023 21:39

You've never even met him. He might have dog breath and the charisma of a wet wipe. Have a date before stressing about your future.

Original poster
coalsout · 13/08/2023 21:42

I guess we face time a bit and just bounce off each other on those calls.
I've never dated anyone with that level
Of wealth before and I don't want to have the embarrassing conversation where I tell him I can't really afford to date him.
I have no issue staying in a shitty hotel for a weekend . I'm pretty sure he would .

OP posts:
AnxiousFairyQueen · 13/08/2023 21:54

I imagine he’ll be expecting to pay. Why not just let him? If he’s as rich as you say and he doesn’t offer to pay then he probably isn’t very nice.

Janieforever · 13/08/2023 21:56

coalsout · 13/08/2023 21:42

I guess we face time a bit and just bounce off each other on those calls.
I've never dated anyone with that level
Of wealth before and I don't want to have the embarrassing conversation where I tell him I can't really afford to date him.
I have no issue staying in a shitty hotel for a weekend . I'm pretty sure he would .

But you’re not dating anyone of that level now. You’ve never even met the bloke?

StarPotential · 13/08/2023 21:57

Why don’t you meet him first and take it from there?

Mother87 · 13/08/2023 22:02

coalsout · 13/08/2023 21:42

I guess we face time a bit and just bounce off each other on those calls.
I've never dated anyone with that level
Of wealth before and I don't want to have the embarrassing conversation where I tell him I can't really afford to date him.
I have no issue staying in a shitty hotel for a weekend . I'm pretty sure he would .

Why would it be "embarrassing" though? If there's a huge disparity in wealth, that's not a "fault" - it's just the way it is. If he wants to do things you can't afford - TELL HIM, otherwise, what's the option? If he wants do those things, that's his choice if he wants to pay & your choice to accept.
You're sounding as if neither of you have choices - but you BOTH do... and without direct honest communication, there would only be confusion & contention.

BatheInTheLight · 13/08/2023 22:03

ZolaBudd · 13/08/2023 21:20

I simply LOATHE the words “fine wines “

Fascinating! You felt like sharing that, because? 🙄

Schemes · 13/08/2023 22:09

I'm not too keen on the word loathe.

I think you are worrying about this far too soon. Nothing has happened here at all. And if you did meet him and then if you did start a relationship with him and felt embarrassed to say that you couldn't afford to do something then you would just have to cross that bridge when you came to it.

Awittyfool · 13/08/2023 22:11

Why is he internet dating?

Most of us date because we don’t have the time or money to meet people “normally”. He’ll have opportunities to meet lots of people. He would also be wary of people who want him for his money so would go for women who run in similar circles.
Supposing he’s genuine then take it very very slow. Let him do all the work. If he thinks you’re worth his time he will. Don’t make it easy for him. You have much more to lose emotionally.

inloveandmarried · 13/08/2023 22:11

Someone I worked with decades ago had this type of relationship. Same situation as you.

They loved it. Both were transparent about what they wanted and needed from the relationship.

I recall her being collected in a helicopter to be flown to a beautiful weekend away. She was very grounded. It was good sex and good company without complications.

She really wasn't wealthy but she was fun to be around and very genuine. I think he appreciated her honesty.

watyawant · 13/08/2023 22:15

How wealthy are we talking? Can you give some examples of where he is showing how wealthy he is??