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Original poster

Nervous about dating v wealthy man

132 replies

coalsout · 13/08/2023 21:17

I've nc for this as I have a concurrent thread which may be identifying but I am single/ lone parent of three teenagers.
I would like a companion/
Friend/lover but I want to keep him completely separate from other parts of my
Life.
Just something to add joy to my life without any complications.
I have met a man on line.
We have chatted a good bit and get on great!
To add ,
My self esteem is high enough and I do know that I deserve the best having worked hard in myself after an abusive marriage that ended some years ago.

He has asked me for dinner and drinks a few times.
I am interested as he is looking for the exact same set up for the same reasons ...
So dinner, drinks,
Concerts,
Breaks away etc now and again but to be exclusive to each other.
I am also very attracted to him.

My issue is that he is very posh and very wealthy and I'm not so I wouldnt be in a position to spend a lot dating him and I want it to be mutual.
He likes fine dining, fine wines, luxury hotels and holiday locations.
I am relatively comfortable but a world away from his situation.
I don't know how to broach this.
Do I just leave it altogether?

OP posts:
Original poster
coalsout · 14/08/2023 12:28

He and I have been completely
Upfront about what we both want. I didn't realise I had contradicted myself .
We want any emotional investment... just friendship and fun.

OP posts:
Original poster
coalsout · 14/08/2023 12:38

*don't

OP posts:
SophiaElizabethGrace · 14/08/2023 12:48

Is he educated ie degree, Masters? What line of business is he in? If he and his friends are from a similar background and enjoy work/business related conversations, dinner parties, opera, politics etc, you may find that more of an issue than his wealth. Communication, chatting, being able to admit you don't understand something and want to know more is more important to me than someone's wallet especially when you're just casually dating.

As I've said before, you're focussing on the wrong thing - neither of you is looking for marriage, you want fun. Having not met him you don't even know if he has any real intention of going away on holiday or having weekends away with you. He may simply want company and sex eg dinner or drinks and then sex and nothing more 'coupley' than that.

Grenola · 14/08/2023 12:54

Just have the date…. U havnt even met him yet so can’t even know you fancy him. Connecting online isn’t real life so even tho it may feel good, it’s not real till u meet.
but if your having doubts already it’s not even worth it because these issues will be the same when u meet, it sounds like u are too different for you. Sometimes it’s not worth the stress if bresking it off later down the line… 🤷‍♀️

blankittyblank · 14/08/2023 13:00

coalsout · 13/08/2023 22:21

I know this from his car, his house, his holidays , his watch , his clothes , his company is one of the top firms in its field in its area , his hobbies eg going to formula one in Japan, weekends in UAE, Playing at all the best golf courses in the world etc . I've seen the photos. He does not boast.it's almost like it's the most natural thing in the world for him. For me, it's a life I can only dream about .

Can I ask, when you face time him, is there a delay with his words and the picture? Does he claim to have a bad connection cus of where he is or something?

The reason I ask is the above makes me think this is a scam. The scanner uses a real persons identity and pretends it's them. They face time you using existing videos the real person has posted, using their real voice over the top, which obviously doesn't match the video, but claim the internet is bad etc

Obviously if you meet him in person then this isn't the case! But if he makes excuses as to why he can't meet, then I'd be very wary!

Original poster
coalsout · 14/08/2023 13:03

There is no disruption in the connection whatsoever.

OP posts:
blankittyblank · 14/08/2023 13:06

coalsout · 14/08/2023 13:03

There is no disruption in the connection whatsoever.

Ok good! Hopefully it's genuine then 🙂

Do let us know how you get on, and good luck!

Naunet · 14/08/2023 13:18

AlienInvaders · 14/08/2023 06:50

Have I just walked into a self published novel for middle aged women? What would a superwealthy, jet-setting man want with a middle aged mum of 3 who in her own words has shit clothes and is uncomfortably heavy?
😂

Fucking charming. I mean there’s some nasty responses here but this one might be the most bitchy. Good forbid any middle aged woman thinks for even a second that she has any appeal whatsoever. 🙄

Original poster
coalsout · 14/08/2023 13:28

Thanks for that comment and you're right.... the place of full off nasty bitches on here but that's the risk you take by posting.

I am educated to the same level as him, if not higher, cumulatively.

I seem to be more knowledgable in politics and current affairs based on conversations to date.
I am
Fluent in three languages. Languages of countries that he has business interests. He is fluent in one language . English.

We share interests in authors, music and travel.

I don't feel' less' than him. I just feel like we will have had very different experiences while engaging in the same adventure eg travel, eating out .. even down to concert ticket seats!
I have also put on a lot of weight while waiting for HRT to settle. It feels uncomfortable but he seems to find me attractive . I am fit, outdoorsy and adventurous. His interests are more risk averse, let's say. He seems to enjoy the energetic and adventurous spirit .
I'm pretty happy with myself .
I just feel uncomfortable in my
Clothes presently and dont have a lot of disposable cash.

OP posts:
Naunet · 14/08/2023 13:40

Mumsnet can be such an amazingly supportive place, full of wisdom and kindness, and then you get the nasty pricks who seem to get pleasure from mocking and insulting others - just like life I guess!

I'd say go meet him, have a date before you start over thinking things, keep it light! If I was looking for a proper relationship, I’d have the same reservations as you, and can completely understand your hesitation, but for just a casual fling, I don’t think it really matters? Don’t over think it, don’t question yourself or allow yourself to feel self conscious etc, you just need to be upfront re budget when making plans if things do proceed after the date.
Good luck!

DrSbaitso · 14/08/2023 13:44

the place of full off nasty bitches on here

Not all of them are bitches, if you see what I'm saying, but they can be safely ignored whatever they are.

May I ask, if you don't want any emotional entanglement, why does it matter if you both see other people? And how do you plan to keep meeting for dates and sex without that developing?

Hibiscrubbed · 14/08/2023 14:16

If it’s just hanging out and shagging, I wouldn’t overthink it. He’s not looking to marry you, thus putting his wealth at risk. He may not even want to go out with you. He may just enjoy your company at his convenience. If that suits you too, crack on.

eurochick · 14/08/2023 14:18

It's possible everything he is saying true but my spider senses were tingling reading the OP's posts about this man. I know quite a few people who are pretty wealthy but I had no idea until I had known them for a while. Particularly when online dating, wealthy people tend to hide it so they don't get targeted by gold diggers.

Trez1510 · 14/08/2023 14:27

Regarding your clothes, if things progress i.e. the attraction moves to the physical realm, the Style & Beauty Board on here is a wealth of info/useful tips to make the most of what you have, or what little you can afford to buy. Just ignore the ones who will post £10k dresses when you ask for recommendations for, say, a business related dinner. 🙄

As others have said, alternate dates and the person choosing pays. I've done that and I've noticed the very wealthy 'forget' how much fun a pizza and a comedy club with a few drinks can be!

FWIW, I have dated three really wealthy men - I did meet them IRL first though so the mutual physical attraction was not in question.

None of those relationships ended for reasons that were wealth disparity related. One was (literally) the most vacuous man I have ever met, one lacked the emotional intelligence I like in a partner, and the third it was a distance issue - long distance wasn't working for either of us.

So go, as others have suggested, for a coffee and suss it out from there. Good luck!

Trez1510 · 14/08/2023 14:32

What @eurochick says is IME true about wealthy people, well wealthy men really.

Having no experience of OLD, I assumed it was part of that process?

If it's not the normal way of OLD, then perhaps a good pinch of scepticism should be applied.

Thisistyresome · 14/08/2023 16:50

Have you considered alternating dates. If he wants to do something expensive, allow him to pay, but then you organise something in your budget and you pay. You could try and make your choices things he would never do, if he like that idea. It may be a chance for you to both do things you enjoy be also things you wouldn’t otherwise do.

Wherearemymarbles · 14/08/2023 16:58

OP
money buys you options until you have enough when it buys you power

so he has the option to have an fwb who is much poorer than him
he has the option of going to the Maldives at Easter and paying for you to
and in all honesty just about the only men are better at than women is accepting a much lower income partner!

DameCurlyBassey · 14/08/2023 17:21

Yetisrus29 · 14/08/2023 07:30

Have you also considered that he's looking for someone genuine. It must be hard if he so wealthy finding someone who is genuinely interested in him and not his wallet/status.

If he’s looking for someone genuine why mention the wealth at all? Why not just go on some nice dates and see what happens? Does he think it’s easier to find a fwb if the woman thinks you’re loaded?

DrSbaitso · 14/08/2023 17:34

Does he think it’s easier to find a fwb if the woman thinks you’re loaded?

Would he be wrong?

SophiaElizabethGrace · 14/08/2023 18:41

coalsout · 14/08/2023 13:28

Thanks for that comment and you're right.... the place of full off nasty bitches on here but that's the risk you take by posting.

I am educated to the same level as him, if not higher, cumulatively.

I seem to be more knowledgable in politics and current affairs based on conversations to date.
I am
Fluent in three languages. Languages of countries that he has business interests. He is fluent in one language . English.

We share interests in authors, music and travel.

I don't feel' less' than him. I just feel like we will have had very different experiences while engaging in the same adventure eg travel, eating out .. even down to concert ticket seats!
I have also put on a lot of weight while waiting for HRT to settle. It feels uncomfortable but he seems to find me attractive . I am fit, outdoorsy and adventurous. His interests are more risk averse, let's say. He seems to enjoy the energetic and adventurous spirit .
I'm pretty happy with myself .
I just feel uncomfortable in my
Clothes presently and dont have a lot of disposable cash.

Great so it sounds as if you're v similar. So, you're stalling not because he's super wealthy but because you don't feel comfortable/confident?

He's presumably seen full length recent photos of you, likes you and wants to meet. The weight issue I understand in terms of not feeling comfortable in clothes. I would buy a couple of new staple items that you can mix and match with. The weight won't drop off over night but you either meet him soon or wait six months until you've lost some weight.

I would simply bite the bullet and meet now. If he likes you and it's casual dating, it could simply be fun.

Oblomov23 · 14/08/2023 18:53

Where are all the bitchy comments? 120 posts. And some had concerns, as they should do.

YRGAM · 14/08/2023 19:52

AlienInvaders · 14/08/2023 06:50

Have I just walked into a self published novel for middle aged women? What would a superwealthy, jet-setting man want with a middle aged mum of 3 who in her own words has shit clothes and is uncomfortably heavy?
😂

What an absolutely hideous thing to say. Take a look at yourself

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 14/08/2023 20:28

Timetochangegonzo · 13/08/2023 21:29

You sure you’re not being scammed?

Yes I was thinking of the tinder swindler

DuesToTheDirt · 14/08/2023 20:44

I dated a rich man once, and I did find the money was an issue. Partly this was due to his attitude to money (it made him arrogant), but also it was because I don't like being paid for. I couldn't pay half for the things we did, but I often paid more than I could really afford, just because he wouldn't always do cheap things and I was trying to contribute.

Awittyfool · 14/08/2023 21:00

YRGAM · 14/08/2023 19:52

What an absolutely hideous thing to say. Take a look at yourself

Show quote history

Oh come on. It’s not unreasonable to wonder what his motives are. He has a much better chance of meeting a partner than the Op especially if sex and friendship are all he wants.
Imagine if the roles were reversed and the Op had millions. Would will all be saying that lovely Dave with a dad bod and a masters but a very average job was a good match? Or would we be saying he won’t get your lifestyle/ watch your money?

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