Active discussions

Help end medical misogyny. Sign our petition.

Help end medical misogyny.
Sign our petition.

Sign the petition

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Nervous about dating v wealthy man

132 replies

coalsout · 13/08/2023 21:17

I've nc for this as I have a concurrent thread which may be identifying but I am single/ lone parent of three teenagers.
I would like a companion/
Friend/lover but I want to keep him completely separate from other parts of my
Life.
Just something to add joy to my life without any complications.
I have met a man on line.
We have chatted a good bit and get on great!
To add ,
My self esteem is high enough and I do know that I deserve the best having worked hard in myself after an abusive marriage that ended some years ago.

He has asked me for dinner and drinks a few times.
I am interested as he is looking for the exact same set up for the same reasons ...
So dinner, drinks,
Concerts,
Breaks away etc now and again but to be exclusive to each other.
I am also very attracted to him.

My issue is that he is very posh and very wealthy and I'm not so I wouldnt be in a position to spend a lot dating him and I want it to be mutual.
He likes fine dining, fine wines, luxury hotels and holiday locations.
I am relatively comfortable but a world away from his situation.
I don't know how to broach this.
Do I just leave it altogether?

OP posts:
Olika · 13/08/2023 23:41

I did online dating for 3 years before I met my now husband. I met several men I would get along online, even over the phone. Then we met face to face and I never wanted to meet them again. Go on a date with him and then think what to do next. Smile

readingmynightaway · 13/08/2023 23:42

Go in a date and see how it goes.
You can suggest the types of restaurants and wine you like.
I went on a date several years ago being told he was well off. He was so boring and talked about his assets as if to impress me,, it did not.
My now partner likes to be thrifty I not so much...sometimes it just works.
He might like to delve into your world of lesser weathly taste.

AutumnCrow · 13/08/2023 23:48

He might like to delve into your world of lesser weathly taste.

Like Henry Newton-and-Ridley and Gemma whatsherface.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 13/08/2023 23:50

I know a multi millionaire who married the carer he employed to look after his DF. He'd dated models, posh interior designers and the like but he really fell for this woman. They have a child and are blissfully in love.
Go for it OP and don't over think

mibid · 13/08/2023 23:58

ZolaBudd · 13/08/2023 21:20

I simply LOATHE the words “fine wines “

Why?

MysteryBelle · 14/08/2023 00:03

You’re concerned that he’s posh and rich.

Sure you are.

😄

CockneySignora · 14/08/2023 00:08

MouseMinge · 13/08/2023 23:23

I sometimes say it sarcastically in a silly voice.

Show quote history

It has to be said in a drunken Withnail and I voice: ‘We want the finest wines known to mankind!’

OP, I agree with pps. Don’t waste this much headspace on the possible helicopters of someone you’ve never met.

aurynne · 14/08/2023 00:08

You're way overyhinking this. You haven't met. You may not fancy him, he may not fancy you. Just go for a drink with him, FFS, or one of us will.

Original poster
coalsout · 14/08/2023 00:12

I've shit clothes and certainly, as someone unthread suggested , won't be able to look the part. Seems
Like a lot of pressure. Plus I'm heavy and uncomfortably so.

OP posts:
QueenBitch666 · 14/08/2023 00:12

MangoMandy · 13/08/2023 23:14

The finest wines available to humanity…

Grin
QueenBitch666 · 14/08/2023 00:14

You need to work on your self esteem if you feel intimidated by dosh ( and fine wines 😂 )

Original poster
coalsout · 14/08/2023 00:25

I don't have self esteem issues, I have shit clothes and little disposable income but wouldn't be comfortable being treated more than equally .

OP posts:
Mmhmmn · 14/08/2023 00:37

ZolaBudd · 13/08/2023 21:20

I simply LOATHE the words “fine wines “

So not Jacob's Creek then? 🍷 🤭

lousyatchoosingnames · 14/08/2023 00:40

Are you absolutely sure? I started dating a guy who said he owned a company worth £40 million.

A year or so later I figured out that he was completely bullshitting. He did have a company, made out he's done this big deal, months and months rolled by ready for him to 'sign on the dotted line' never happened. He was just a chancer.

He was barely scraping by.

Parseley · 14/08/2023 00:46

Is he in the sas too

ZebraD · 14/08/2023 00:47

coalsout · 13/08/2023 21:21

Those are my words, not his.
Sorry for offending you.

Don’t be sorry for your words. Why would something put a totally irrelevant comment on about fine wines anyway!
I would say from the start that you don’t have the same budget but would like to pay for yourself on dates etc but that you want to meet up. I am quite sure they would be expecting some sort of statement like that.

Oblomov23 · 14/08/2023 01:33

You say you don't have self esteem issues but some of the things you say give away that you can't hold your own in the circles he'll mix in. Even if you now bought a few items of expensive clothing for your Grand Prix helicopter weekends abroad, will you still feel like you can't hold your own, when you go to the Pretty Woman Polo match?

skinnytobe · 14/08/2023 01:43

I've also been you.

We're getting married next year. I was genuinely worried about the differences when we first met... but we get along so well, it's never been an issue! We live together. Mortgage free and he pays the bills now I can now afford the nicer things we do together :)

Codlingmoths · 14/08/2023 02:12

W

Codlingmoths · 14/08/2023 02:15

Sorry mY phone is getting old. What do you mean by he doesn’t have opportunities to meet other women? He clearly has hundreds of such opportunities all the time, if he can jet off to f1 and various golf courses.

I would absolutely not end it to due to feeling insecure if you otherwise feel the connection you think you do, ridiculous to think it’s easier to disappear than talk about it. I would probably buy some nice clothes to be honest, you can buy nice clothes cheaply, they just aren’t designer. Or charity shops too. It’s a good reminder perhaps that you matter too.

CrazyArmadilloLady · 14/08/2023 02:29

You’re sure he’s not married……?

Someone swanning around the F1 circuit and luxury golf course, laden with £$€ - and he needs to find action online…..?

Something doesn’t add up.

But if all is as it seems, just go and meet the guy! He’s obviously targeting online ‘normals’ for a very specific reason.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 14/08/2023 02:31

SophiaElizabethGrace · 13/08/2023 21:22

I don't know that I've understood your post correctly but you've not actually even met him yet. The life and wealth that you think he has may not be real. Conversely, he could also be extremely wealthy but not care about your status.

You're over thinking it. Just go for dinner. Get to know him properly. You can easily suggest restaurants or bars which are cosy/fun but don't charge £££.

Why has the talk turned to money at all!?
How tacky.

I've dated men for more than a year without the talk turning to salaries, assets or cash flow.

Oblomov23 · 14/08/2023 03:04

Plus, are you really sure you want what he's offering. An occasional fuck buddy. With no strings, no emotional commitment, no future, no long term relationship, no possible marriage. Fucking. But no emotions? I couldn't do that. Are you sure you want to?

blisstwins · 14/08/2023 03:18

I am dating someone much wealthier than me. The way we work things is he usually pays for expensive things—like hotels, airfare, etc. I often buy concert tickets, pay for dinners, etc. I don’t free ride or make him feel used in any way, but I cannot keep up with him and ultimately it’s the way you make each other feel.

Loopylooni · 14/08/2023 06:14

@coalsout check he is who he says he is, do a video call etc. Honestly I think you are floating away on things before actually meeting him. For the record I'd love this situation! But there are so many fakes/liars online that I'd hate you to be played.