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Original poster

Nervous about dating v wealthy man

132 replies

coalsout · 13/08/2023 21:17

I've nc for this as I have a concurrent thread which may be identifying but I am single/ lone parent of three teenagers.
I would like a companion/
Friend/lover but I want to keep him completely separate from other parts of my
Life.
Just something to add joy to my life without any complications.
I have met a man on line.
We have chatted a good bit and get on great!
To add ,
My self esteem is high enough and I do know that I deserve the best having worked hard in myself after an abusive marriage that ended some years ago.

He has asked me for dinner and drinks a few times.
I am interested as he is looking for the exact same set up for the same reasons ...
So dinner, drinks,
Concerts,
Breaks away etc now and again but to be exclusive to each other.
I am also very attracted to him.

My issue is that he is very posh and very wealthy and I'm not so I wouldnt be in a position to spend a lot dating him and I want it to be mutual.
He likes fine dining, fine wines, luxury hotels and holiday locations.
I am relatively comfortable but a world away from his situation.
I don't know how to broach this.
Do I just leave it altogether?

OP posts:
Namechangedforthis2244 · 14/08/2023 06:24

I agree with everyone else saying go on a date with him and see if you fancy him before you start worrying about the future. If he offers to pay for the first date either let him or suggest you split it.

If you do like him and you start seeing each other more, the obvious solution here is to take turns to organise and pay for dates. That way you both choose something within your means.

Fish, chips and a bottle of wine on the beach at sunset is much more romantic than formula one- dating isn’t really just about money.

BingoBastards · 14/08/2023 06:39

@Namechangedforthis2244 sunset on the beach sounds miles more attractive to me as well! Aside from gulls after your chips. I must be a cheap date, I enjoy walks.

OP just meet him and see how it goes. The most important thing is that you get on and are on the same page.

SingingKlingon · 14/08/2023 06:45

I say this most gently ... you haven't even met him!

Why are you even wasting time thinking about it. Meet him and see. You might not even fancy him.

I'm really really surprised if he's as rich as you say he doesn't have an opportunity to meet available women.

Just be careful OP, some things that sound too good to be true, normally are.

inkyblues · 14/08/2023 06:49

If he's spoken to you in chats and video chats he will have a fair idea (just as you have of him) his status. And as much as you protest I would say you might have slight inferiority or esteem issues.

I'd advise not to over invest emotionally too soon as you're still far from knowing him.

AlienInvaders · 14/08/2023 06:50

Have I just walked into a self published novel for middle aged women? What would a superwealthy, jet-setting man want with a middle aged mum of 3 who in her own words has shit clothes and is uncomfortably heavy?
😂

inkyblues · 14/08/2023 06:51

ZolaBudd · 13/08/2023 21:20

I simply LOATHE the words “fine wines “

Because it's snobbish? Unlike this post then Hmm

BingoBastards · 14/08/2023 06:58

I always just think of Withnail&I if anyone says fine wines

Yetisrus29 · 14/08/2023 07:04

Why are you fixating on his money. Everything you have described he does just screams show off to me.

I met someone who earned way more than me he drove an old car and cycled everywhere. Split his time between his Mum's spare room and his brother's as his ex was refusing to sell the family home. I loved that he cycled everywhere and that he was a modest, humble man.

He did have a nice watch though.

Original poster
coalsout · 14/08/2023 07:11

@AlienInvaders I see why you would think that but we just clicked and have loads of
Common interests that don't depend on wealth. I'll just go for dinner and see what happens.

OP posts:
Hoooodoyouthink · 14/08/2023 07:23

he sounds like a supreme bullshitter already as anyone genuinely wealthy wouldn’t flaunt it like that.

Seriously? Social media is full of wealthy people who put photos of their holidays online.

Hawkins009 · 14/08/2023 07:26

@coalsout as long as you have chemistry and get long together then it's a good beginning, then go from there.

All the best, op if you struggle with knowledge about different subjects there's always Wikipedia and google to help with the info.

Ispiltmytea · 14/08/2023 07:28

Keep us updated OP on how it goes!

Yetisrus29 · 14/08/2023 07:30

Have you also considered that he's looking for someone genuine. It must be hard if he so wealthy finding someone who is genuinely interested in him and not his wallet/status.

BingoBastards · 14/08/2023 07:33

Quite a lot of my friends are very wealthy, I don't really think about it much, although it makes me smile when they talk about buying their new house and I'm talking about buying my new chair!

In a relationship with wealth disparity you'd just have to make sure your expectations are aligned. Majority of people just want a nice partner and to have a relationship which makes each other happy/content.

Original poster
coalsout · 14/08/2023 07:33

I'll come back to
Update thanks.

OP posts:
Luizaa · 14/08/2023 07:36

Go for it, income and wealth disparity with a man being richer usually works. It is when the woman is richer that problems start.

crostini · 14/08/2023 07:45

Don't be nervous, be excited. If he wants to spend time with you, he'll happily spend his money on posh hotels for you to enjoy together.

TookTheBook · 14/08/2023 07:51

Personally I think it sounds a bit dodgy but in case it isn't, please meet up for the first time for something more low key. Coffee or at a push brunch, not dinner at a fancy place. Get to know him without feeling like you have to spend to keep up or you're being treated. Split the bill/pay your way over coffee.

FutureThroughLensOfThePast · 14/08/2023 07:55

Just be wary of him asking to borrow money (to solve a temporary cash-flow crisis etc) or encouraging you to 'invest' money in something. It's a common scam for someone to present themselves as wealthy as a precursor for fleecing innocent victims. Otherwise, go for it if you like him.

ZolaBudd · 14/08/2023 08:01

Faine waine

User63847484848 · 14/08/2023 08:06

You’re overthinking it at this stage

i think it will be his attitude towards it that will be interesting, I find materialism and flashy-ness really unattractive or a focus on money and wealth. Maybe it’s that which is not sitting well with you.

DrSbaitso · 14/08/2023 08:14

If you connect on a personal level, you won't have to worry about all that because you can just be yourself and when it's your turn to pay, you simply go where you can afford. If he can't handle that, he'll extricate himself.

If he wanted a super hot young trophy for arm candy, I'm sure he could find one easily, so don't let that worry you.

Agree with PPs to be aware in case it's some sort of scam, but don't assume it must be.

Tbh, the thing I'd be most wary of is the idea of being exclusive to each other while not committed in any other way. Totally separate from each others' lives except for the meetups, but can't see anyone else. I'm not saying it can't happen, just that that, to me, would be more of a difficult point than the finances because I'm not sure how many men would really adhere to that. But some would.

Just meet him and be yourself.

SingingKlingon · 14/08/2023 09:34

AlienInvaders · 14/08/2023 06:50

Have I just walked into a self published novel for middle aged women? What would a superwealthy, jet-setting man want with a middle aged mum of 3 who in her own words has shit clothes and is uncomfortably heavy?
😂

Having been online dating for many years and I hope with all my heart we're wrong!!!

I hope OP comes back with stories of a wonderful date.

I suspect though, the date will be cancelled last minute. :(

MangoMandy · 14/08/2023 10:05

It is a bit odd that he’s been so upfront about being rich- IME wealthy people tend not to advertise the fact. Not saying that definitely means it’s not true, just keep your wits about you, OP.

DameCurlyBassey · 14/08/2023 12:25

coalsout · 13/08/2023 22:16

I could be way off the mark but I think it's because he doesn't want anything more than companionship , friendship and sex .
He has been clear
And honest about that as have I .on the contrary, he does not have a lot of
Opportunities for meeting women socially,
It seems.

You contradict yourself in this post...

You say you could be way off the mark but that you THINK he just wants friendship and sex

And in the next breath you say he has been clear and up front about that.
Which is it? Do you just think this or did he make it clear?

And why doesn't he have the opportunity to meet women socially?