Nervous about dating v wealthy man

[coalsout]

I've nc for this as I have a concurrent thread which may be identifying but I am single/ lone parent of three teenagers.
I would like a companion/
Friend/lover but I want to keep him completely separate from other parts of my
Life.
Just something to add joy to my life without any complications.
I have met a man on line.
We have chatted a good bit and get on great!
To add ,
My self esteem is high enough and I do know that I deserve the best having worked hard in myself after an abusive marriage that ended some years ago.

He has asked me for dinner and drinks a few times.
I am interested as he is looking for the exact same set up for the same reasons ...
So dinner, drinks,
Concerts,
Breaks away etc now and again but to be exclusive to each other.
I am also very attracted to him.

My issue is that he is very posh and very wealthy and I'm not so I wouldnt be in a position to spend a lot dating him and I want it to be mutual.
He likes fine dining, fine wines, luxury hotels and holiday locations.
I am relatively comfortable but a world away from his situation.
I don't know how to broach this.
Do I just leave it altogether?

I could be way off the mark but I think it's because he doesn't want anything more than companionship , friendship and sex .
He has been clear
And honest about that as have I .on the contrary, he does not have a lot of
Opportunities for meeting women socially,
It seems.

I know this from his car, his house, his holidays , his watch , his clothes , his company is one of the top firms in its field in its area , his hobbies eg going to formula one in Japan, weekends in UAE, Playing at all the best golf courses in the world etc . I've seen the photos. He does not boast.it's almost like it's the most natural thing in the world for him. For me, it's a life I can only dream about .

You are definitely over thinking

I’ve done this exact scenario and you just have to be upfront and not over commit yourself to things you can’t afford. I always like to pay my way so if it’s my turn, it’s cheap hotels and cheap restaurants….if he’s not a dick, that should be fine! If you like each other, you’ll work it out.

Oh fgs just met him irl then come back to us if you need advice in dating a “wealthy” man you’ve only met online.

he sounds like a supreme bullshitter already as anyone genuinely wealthy wouldn’t flaunt it like that.

you’re likely richer than him and don’t live in your mums basement. Slow it down and meet first.

You should just meet him and enjoy it. You want something casual and away from your day to day life, so why not let him show you a luxury life? I’ve dated wealthy men and am not at all from a wealthy background myself and I’ve never felt embarrassed about that. Rich men generally understand that not everybody is as privileged as them and fully expect to pay for dates/holidays etc. But, on the other hand, if you’re already feeling inferior and uncomfortable then leave it because it will only get worse and damage your confidence.

This is exactly the bit that potentially will stuff things up.
You’ll not have the time, money or energy to do anything else but be in this fun relationship. You’ll be invested. His money can buy him all three.
Unless he decides he wants a proper romantic relationship he can leave at any time and you’ll be left wishfully remembering the helicopter trips and fun weekends abroad. kicking yourself that did something wrong. Which you won’t have.
Go and have a great time but make sure you are still keeping up with friends and have half an eye on finding someone who thinks you are worthy of being “the one”.

It’s just so snobby. No one actually says fine wines out loud.
but thanks for telling me what I can and can’t say

I’ve been you.

honestly don’t let the money get in the way

it’s not all he is. It doesn’t even matter tbh

all that matters is that he’s a nice and kind person. Just date him. See where you get to and enjoy.

we’re about to mark our 7th year together 🥰

I’d probably get the meeting him in real life bit out of the way first, he might be a complete knob. I once dated a man who drove a Bentley and had a beautiful house on a posh estate. He also turned out to be a swinger! I wasn’t up for that lifestyle so I ended it, I was a single mother living in an apartment I couldn’t afford! My next date was a fella with a beaten up Ford focus that wouldn’t start on cold days who’d just moved back to his mothers after his ex cheated on him. I’m married to him now 😂 money isn’t everything!

Everyone's got something to scam. Your mind for a start. Even if I did research online I wouldn't believe someone who told me that they were very wealthy. A lot of people seem to feel a need to inflate themselves in OLD - I haven't done it for quite a while, but the men I met when I did were often either very wealthy or with the SAS or equivalent - for some reason some men think those things epitomise alpha masculinity.

The fact that you are nervous about dating him means that you think the wealth is a big deal. I would suggest that you don't meet him because you're already putting him above yourself just because you think he has money (I bet he isn't as wealthy as he says). Think about it: what's his money got to do with you? Why should it bother you?

Because this is MN, and any excuse to hate on men or things they say is fair game 😅

Hw doesn't want to date you, he wants something casual so why stress? If you can't afford something tell him, he's probably wooing many women online so he's not going to be bothered.

I’ve had boyfriends who were from very wealthy backgrounds, went to boarding school etc. It was fine.

Does he know your occupation and the fact you have 3 teenagers? If so he will have an idea of your financial circs and either doesn't care or expect a potential casual partner to match his income.

I know you could have a private income/ be servicing large debts/ other factors that could skew your disposable income from what's expected but these facts should give him some idea.

@LaDeeDa123 did you meet them online with them saying they just wanted friendship and sex though?
Or did you meet them in real life and then start dating.

I mean fair play if you did it virtually but your chances of this sort of disparity in lifestyles is better if you’ve had the real life connection first?

You're not attracted to him as you haven't met him!

You are attracted to the profile which may or may not be a genuine impression of who he really is!

It's quite possible that the terms you have set out indicate that he is a married man and you would be his side chick/mistress.

The finest wines available to humanity…

@Awittyfool I met them in real life. I was younger and went out with both of them for quite some time. To be fair I managed to get into a very good profession by that time but I was still from a different world. I ended both relationships but not because of class issues. I did sometimes wonder if it was a bit of a fetish thing in the sense that they were both boarding school boys and I was very much a rough comprehension type. I didn’t feel inadequate compared to them but there were moments when I was a bit shocked by their wealth or when we hosted a dinner party and one of the guests slated my home town as the worst place he’d ever visited.

I sometimes say it sarcastically in a silly voice.

Yeah just forget it

I'll have him

Sounds a bit like a catfish situation. Just be careful. And make sure he pays. For now.

Maybe just meet the guy before you get so ahead of yourself. There may not even be a vibe, you may not be as into it in person, or he, and then your quandary is solved!

If you do both like each other there is nothing stopping with you, I'm sure he wouldn't expect you to spend more than you're comfortable with, and if he did, bin him :)

Ah well, if it's fine wines, top firms and best golf courses then why didn't you say from the get-go?! Of course you should start a relationship with him! He can take you to Musk v Zuckerberg which let me tell you is the hot ticket on the wealth circuit right now in acquisition terms. All you have to do is turn up and look the part. A bit like Monica from Friends.

If he's wealthy just make sure he knows you're not and he'll probably pay for most of it. He's got the money to spend so it's unlikely he'll begrudge actually spending it.

You havnt met him so this is a bit premature

you might not even have a spark !

just go for a drink with an open mind and them
come back when you have the gist of him ?