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Original poster

Work wife. Is this cheating?

228 replies

parker06 · 13/08/2023 21:03

My husband told me he had a work wife a few months back. All happy and open about it so I didn't mind at all. The other day he confessed that although nothing happened between them he told her that if we weren't married then he would be with her. Is this cheating? Not sure how I feel right now.

OP posts:
H112 · 14/08/2023 21:10

I would run. Let her have him. Obviously flirting away in work.

Olika · 14/08/2023 21:38

This is getting even worse. Absolutely unacceptable behaviour.

CKL987 · 14/08/2023 22:29

Fuck me, I had a work husband for a couple of years but neither of us ever felt anything and my real life husband was comfortable with it and still doesn't mind when I meet up with ex wh now. I doubt my real husband would be pleased if I told him I found my wh attractive.

Mmhmmn · 14/08/2023 22:33

Sorry OP, he is being so cruel with this behaviour.

I'd be dumping his stuff out the window in black bags. Or sending all his shit round to his office in a taxi with the wedding ring. Sod that, sell your wedding ring and buy yourself something nice. There are other, more honest and decent men out there.

H112 · 14/08/2023 22:34

I've a work husband BTW. It's literally only acceptable when they're not attracted to you. I've known my 12 years and he's gay.

H112 · 14/08/2023 22:34

Let him think you're fine and in the meantime secretly go to a good solicitor

elsbelsx · 14/08/2023 22:42

I wouldn't class it as cheating but it's borderline and extremely disrespectful to you!! Sounds like an utter waste of time.

MyDarlingWhatIfYouFly · 14/08/2023 23:55

I don't want to upset you even more than you already are OP, but you need to consider that most cheaters will never give the full story straightaway, they drip feed bits of information. There's a real possibility that this has already gone past holding hands.

I think you need to insist that he changes jobs and cuts all contact now. It may be difficult for him to move jobs, but if he wants to remain in this marriage that's the price he pays for having absolutely no boundaries.

OnlineExxxcitement · 14/08/2023 23:58

This is hurtful OP. Any coming back from this? I fear there is no going back now. He has idolised her and will risk losing you for her.

1FootInTheRave · 15/08/2023 00:35

This is already an affair.

Hawkins009 · 15/08/2023 00:37

All the best op.
It seems odd to confess such feelings. Any other motive than guilt

Whattheactualwhatnow · 15/08/2023 00:44

OP if they felt able to tell each other that I’m a world where you didn’t exist they’d happily be with each other… and held hands with each other… it’s already an emotional affair!!!
As PP have said the work wife term is a red herring. There’s no context where the above is ok.

Original poster
parker06 · 15/08/2023 08:51

Thanks for all the replies. He came home yesterday. He came home from work yesterday and I instantly questioned him. He seemed embarrassed and didn't walk to talk but I insisted. After alot if me talking he admitted he feels jealous when she talks to other men at work. He doesn't seem to think any of this is an affair and doesn't believe in emotional affairs as he swears he hasn't kissed her although he said they had a moment when they stared in each other's eye the night where they were drunk. I can't even breathe atm just sitting on my bed upstairs

OP posts:
Original poster
parker06 · 15/08/2023 08:55

Writing all this down has helped thank you all. I haven't told any of my family telling you all and hearing your stories is really helping

OP posts:
Callyem · 15/08/2023 09:01

I'm sorry you are going through this. Take some time to process it all and analyse where you want to go from here. Put whatever boundaries you need to in place. Just don't sit around waiting for him to leave you x

Daddylonglegs123 · 15/08/2023 09:01

Amsooverthis · 13/08/2023 21:39

Wow, I would definitely be pissed off. He's basically telling you he has strong feelings for someone else, that's a horrible thing to hear especially as you are now supposed to be okay about them continuing to work together.

This exactly.

Acornsoup · 15/08/2023 09:03

Did he say what if anything he is going to do about it? Is he going to ask to move at work? Or does he just expect you to put up with it? He's got to know this is not acceptable. If he wants to keep the status quo ask him to pack his bags.

SunRainStorm · 15/08/2023 09:03

@parker06 and what is his plan for how to manage this?

Or is he just dumping it on you to feel less guilty and he continues to flirt with danger

HVPRN · 15/08/2023 09:04

Callyem · 15/08/2023 09:01

I'm sorry you are going through this. Take some time to process it all and analyse where you want to go from here. Put whatever boundaries you need to in place. Just don't sit around waiting for him to leave you x

Agreed. Sending loads of loving support Flowers

Original poster
parker06 · 15/08/2023 09:06

He has said he will find a new job but also made it clear that she goes to the same gym and he's not leaving that and we do live in quite a small town so the chances are high we will jump into each other at some point

OP posts:
Daddylonglegs123 · 15/08/2023 09:09

Just read your update. I am really sorry you are going through this OP. He basically thinks the grass is maybe greener with this work wife either temporarily or permanently and he has been open about this albeit in a shitty slightly indirect way. Either way his behaviour is not on and you deserve better.

He has shown his true colours and let you know about it now you need to take some time to decide what you would like to do about it.

Can you and do you want to move forward with him in view of all this and if so you need to set some boundaries and expectations in place now. Or are you happy to settle as things are or do you want to cut your losses now?

Take care x

Acornsoup · 15/08/2023 09:11

@parker06 I would make it very clear that one whiff they are timing their gym visits and there will be hell to pay. He needs to make the new job a priority - not just a smoke screen.

He has acted very very badly and it will be very difficult for you to trust him ever again. His head seems to have been very easily turned. Look after yourself OP, think about your long term happiness and well-being Flowers

Feverly · 15/08/2023 09:16

So he plans to meet her at the gym and you’re expected to meekly accept that just to keep some shitty bloke around? Time to find your anger and plan for a better life.

Callyem · 15/08/2023 09:17

parker06 · 15/08/2023 09:06

He has said he will find a new job but also made it clear that she goes to the same gym and he's not leaving that and we do live in quite a small town so the chances are high we will jump into each other at some point

Is the finding a new job a smokescreen because his work doesn't allow office relationships? Is he buying time to see how things pan out with her? Is he reassuring you that your marriage is what he wants to be in? Sorry to ask that and plant seeds but I would be thinking it constantly.

rainbowstardrops · 15/08/2023 09:22

Honestly, he just sounds worse and worse.

He gets jealous when other men talk to her and they had a 'moment' staring into each others eyes?! And he expects you to be ok with all of this?

I wonder how he'd feel if it was you who had a work husband who you bought gifts for, told them you'd be with them if it wasn't for husband sat at home, held hands and stared into each others eyes and then refused to give up the gym that work husband also goes to?

I can't imagine he'd shrug and tell you it was fine! He's taking you for a fool I'm afraid.

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