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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ex has gone on holiday without kids -would you be annoyed?

162 replies

eohlay · 13/08/2023 12:17

We have been separated 5 years.
We have two kids 9 and 7.
He has been with his partner for 4 years ,they don't live together and she also has 2 kids.

Last week I found out that today he is going to Cornwall with her and the two kids and he has paid but not taking our kids with him.
When I asked why,he responded "it's too expensive to take them,it would mean getting another room and that's £550 extra for 5 nights and me and "lucy " having to take a car each.

Our kids are at a age now where they aren't stupid and will be talking to his partners kids about the holiday -obviously wondering why they didn't get to go.

I've last min booked us to go away next week for 4 nights so they still get a holiday

Would you be annoyed ?

OP posts:
lunar1 · 13/08/2023 21:27

It hurts when your dad goes away with random unrelated kids and leaves you behind.

TheCrystalPalace · 13/08/2023 21:30

@kitsuneghost "It is normal for a family to go away as a household. Your kids are not part of that household."
Nor are the other kids. The ex doesn't live with his girlfriend.

Look, the bottom line here is that what the ex is effectively saying to his kids is that he's got some holiday time that he could spend with them but he's choosing to spend it with some other kids. THAT is what they will take away from this. Tenerife has nothing to do with it.

Chchcheckingitout · 13/08/2023 21:48

@lunar1
They’re not random kids…MN is so hypocritical. If a SM dare say she doesn’t see DSC as her own DC then she’s leapt on. Now a SF is treating DSC as such and he’s on holiday with “random” kids 🙄

Titicacacandle · 13/08/2023 22:15

eohlay · 13/08/2023 21:20

He paid for the full £550 for the hotel for partner and her kids
He is driving his own car
He said if our kids came he would have to pay for a extra room and also his partner would have to take her car which would cost more.
He paid

That's really shitty of him.

Don't let your dc pick up on the rejection 😠😫

ZeroFuchsGiven · 14/08/2023 10:40

I am utterly baffled how anyone could actually think this is an ok thing for a father to do.

Mari9999 · 14/08/2023 11:09

@eohlay
As long as he has taken my kids on trips, I probably wouldn't care very much what he does at other times. If my children are usually happy to spend time with him, I wouldn't care what he did on his own time

The kids will probably discuss the trip at some point, but it is highly unlikely that they will know or discuss who paid for what.

If you kids do become upset, you should direct them to discuss that with their dad. It should be his responsibility to explain his decisions to them.

mondaytosunday · 14/08/2023 11:37

No. My husband and I went on holidays without his first two, though he also invited them on occasion and a couple times he went away with them on their own. They also went away with their mother.
Not every holiday has to involve every kid. I'd expect him to have them with him for some part of the summer holidays though - maybe you should get a formal agreement.

gotmychristmasmiracle · 14/08/2023 11:45

eohlay · 13/08/2023 12:55

My problem is he can't afford to pay for his own kids but can pay for someone else's kids ...

Yeah he really shouldn't have said that, surely she must be paying half the holiday, especially now he isn't in work!

LanaL · 05/12/2023 09:22

I would be furious. Regardless of wether it was his time with them or not - how sad for your children to hear that their dad is taking his stepchildren on holiday without them . Lucky they have a caring mother who has arranged a holiday to make up for it x

BeckiBoBecki · 26/09/2024 22:30

eohlay · 13/08/2023 12:37

He got dismissed from his last job
They paid him off a few thousand pound
He openly said he paid but couldn't take our kids as it would cost too much.
They have been away (our kids ,her kids ) many times to the caravan /Blackpool etc
This is actually the first year they haven't

Me and kids are going away to Tenerife in November and that's our main holiday this year as the 6 weeks are too busy and expensive
I only booked this last min trip because I didn't want them feeling sad /left out
We normally do little day trips (1 a week ) to different places
Theme park /beach (weather dependant) etc

He paid for his partners kids? Then told you he can't afford for his OWN kids to go? Fucktard. You can see where his priorities lie.

StormingNorman · 26/09/2024 22:33

If your ex could only afford to take two kids on holiday they should have been his own.

That would probably mean no Lucy…so no sex and having to parent his own kids. Men are selfish cunts.

TeapotTitties · 26/09/2024 22:55

@BeckiBoBecki why on earth would you bump a thread from last year and use that horrible ableist phrase?

Do you realise it means fucking ret**d?

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