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Original poster

Ex has gone on holiday without kids -would you be annoyed?

162 replies

eohlay · 13/08/2023 12:17

We have been separated 5 years.
We have two kids 9 and 7.
He has been with his partner for 4 years ,they don't live together and she also has 2 kids.

Last week I found out that today he is going to Cornwall with her and the two kids and he has paid but not taking our kids with him.
When I asked why,he responded "it's too expensive to take them,it would mean getting another room and that's £550 extra for 5 nights and me and "lucy " having to take a car each.

Our kids are at a age now where they aren't stupid and will be talking to his partners kids about the holiday -obviously wondering why they didn't get to go.

I've last min booked us to go away next week for 4 nights so they still get a holiday

Would you be annoyed ?

OP posts:
DuplicateUserName · 13/08/2023 14:04

wingingit1987 · 13/08/2023 13:17

I think I would be annoyed. If he has no money to do anything with his own kids then he shouldn’t be taking someone else’s kids away.

Rubbish.

This is one year that he can't afford to take all of them and given they're going away to Tenerife in November, it's perfectly fine to take the others to Cornwall in the school holidays, if he can't afford to take them all.

His kids are certainly not missing out and especially now that his mum has felt the need to book a last minute break for them, because God forbid they should understand the other kids are not getting a week off school to go abroad 🙄

TheGoodEnoughWife · 13/08/2023 14:05

Mumsnet is so contrary. If the Ex had posted saying he normally takes his own children away but this year he is paying for his partners and her two children to go and leaving his own out his arse would be handed to him on a plate!

And in the cases where the step mum wants to just take the joint children and wants to leave out the step children her arse would also be handed to her.

But somehow in this situation it is perfectly okay for the dad to prioritise the new partners children. Right. Okay then.

TeapotTitties · 13/08/2023 14:06

eohlay · 13/08/2023 13:59

I have move on
I have moved on to someone with decent morals
I wouldn't go on holiday with my partners daughter and leave my kids at home because I couldn't "afford " to take them -then pay for my partners daughter and partner

Well bully for you if you think it's fair to see your partner's kids without a holiday, when your own kids are getting a week abroad.

It's not the action of any adult with decent morals imo.

TheGoodEnoughWife · 13/08/2023 14:12

Don't be so silly @TeapotTitties

You think it is okay for the father of these children to pay for someone else's children and not them? You think it is okay for his own children to not go on holiday with their father because he is paying for someone else's children?
You think it is okay for these children to have other children telling them all about their family holiday with their father knowing they weren't invited?!

You speak of the morals of the OP. How horrible to be nasty to here. What about the morals of the father. Perfectly fine in your opinion?

MillicentTrilbyHiggins · 13/08/2023 14:16

Children don't always see the situation as "well it's OK that dad isn't taking us away because mum's taking us to Tenerife"
They see it as "we aren't getting a week with our dad, but Lucy's kids are" and that's what's unfair and upsetting.

pinkyredrose · 13/08/2023 14:21

Mumsnet is so contrary. If the Ex had posted saying he normally takes his own children away but this year he is paying for his partners and her two children to go and leaving his own out his arse would be handed to him on a plate!

Do you not think the children's mother would pay to take her kids away?

ZeroFuchsGiven · 13/08/2023 14:21

Thats a really shitty thing for him to do, if he cant afford all kids then he should not be going at all.

TheGoodEnoughWife · 13/08/2023 14:23

@pinkyredrose which mother? The op is taking her children away? Do you mean the ex partner? Because the OP has said the Ex is paying?

Not sure what your point is.

Rollonsept · 13/08/2023 14:27

MillicentTrilbyHiggins · 13/08/2023 14:16

Children don't always see the situation as "well it's OK that dad isn't taking us away because mum's taking us to Tenerife"
They see it as "we aren't getting a week with our dad, but Lucy's kids are" and that's what's unfair and upsetting.

OP hasn't even clarified weather dad usually does holidays with his kids. So I can't understand some of these comments. OP is hell bent on insisting that dad has paid though and despite loosing his job she insists her kids should come along on holiday too! It's unrealistic OPs kids are old enough to understand that it isn't always possible to holiday all together however they should be grateful that OP is booking Tenerife in August which is a lovely place!

Cloudsandrainnotsunandsand · 13/08/2023 14:29

Give you really don't know how his life is now there be reasoning he wants time with his gf and her dc. Building a decent relationship with them also benefits your dc in the long run. Better than a new relationship time after time.

TheGoodEnoughWife · 13/08/2023 14:31

@Rollonsept the OP has said that all the children have been away with the Ex and his partner on holiday previously.

Poorlilthing · 13/08/2023 14:46

He’s just been sacked
He now has no income

and you are getting worked up about a 4 day uk trip that he presumably paid for before he lost his job

OP - presumably he paid you maintenance? You’re worried about a holiday (that I personally would be SO relieved that my children weren’t going on) when surely…. your CMS from here is going to fall sharply!

Poorlilthing · 13/08/2023 14:47

Why can’t you just go on their one annual holiday with just your two children? Why bring another man and his daughter that presumably your children behave only known a few years?

FarEast · 13/08/2023 14:47

Well, your DC will know, and eventually they will judge him accordingly. He'll reap later what he's sowing now.

TeapotTitties · 13/08/2023 14:48

TheGoodEnoughWife · 13/08/2023 14:12

Don't be so silly @TeapotTitties

You think it is okay for the father of these children to pay for someone else's children and not them? You think it is okay for his own children to not go on holiday with their father because he is paying for someone else's children?
You think it is okay for these children to have other children telling them all about their family holiday with their father knowing they weren't invited?!

You speak of the morals of the OP. How horrible to be nasty to here. What about the morals of the father. Perfectly fine in your opinion?

Yes it's ok.

It's ok because their dad has lost his job.

It's ok because before he lost his job he took them every year.

It's ok because they're being taken out of school for a week in November to enjoy a holiday abroad.

It's ok because mum has now booked them another holiday.

It's ok because if he doesn't take the other kids without his, the other kids will not get any holiday at all.

And you know another reason it's ok? Because if the OP's kids are over the age of about 4, they should be learning to understand how fortunate they are and understanding the other kids wouldn't get a holiday unlike them due to money being tighter at the moment.

TheCrystalPalace · 13/08/2023 14:49

Surely if he can't afford to take all four kids away on holiday, then the kids he should be prioritising are his own? Or pick a cheaper holiday?
These kids' mother should be paying for them. And perhaps their own father is taking them away too?
The Tenerife trip is irrelevant.

toomuchlaundry · 13/08/2023 14:49

Many stepmums on here would say he is being reasonable as they don’t always want their stepkids tagging along on the family holiday

pinkyredrose · 13/08/2023 14:51

TheGoodEnoughWife · 13/08/2023 14:23

@pinkyredrose which mother? The op is taking her children away? Do you mean the ex partner? Because the OP has said the Ex is paying?

Not sure what your point is.

The ex partners girlfriend.

I obviously missed the bit where it said the ex was paying.

Zanatdy · 13/08/2023 14:51

He’s out of order

MrsMarzetti · 13/08/2023 14:52

My ex used to do this with whatever woman he was with. He took great delight in posting photo's on FB for our teens to see them. No wonder they hate him.

sadaboutmycat · 13/08/2023 14:53

Will they also be taking your children way without hers?
That would be the best set up imo.

DiddyHeck · 13/08/2023 14:54

MrsMarzetti · 13/08/2023 14:52

My ex used to do this with whatever woman he was with. He took great delight in posting photo's on FB for our teens to see them. No wonder they hate him.

Your ex used to take his kids away every year and then lose his job, so he can't afford to take them one year?

Dutchesss · 13/08/2023 14:55

YANBU
He's paying to take two children on holiday, but not his own children. I'd have booked a cheaper place and hired a 7 seater before leaving my own children behind. He's a horrible Dad.

Beaverbridge · 13/08/2023 14:57

My ex used to pull this stunt. First year after he bailed he went to Spain with partner and her 2 kids, who incidently he'd told me the week before he "hated them". It didn't last and he's currently on wife number 3. My 2 kids don't see or speak to him for various reasons. He's not missed.

jods19 · 13/08/2023 15:00

I understand both points on here i.e he should of taken them and that if it's not his set days etc but.. my dad and stepmother did this all the time... She'd purposely book things for her own kids when I wasn't around so she didn't have to take me!! So yeah from my own experience i would be fuming

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