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Original poster

Ex has gone on holiday without kids -would you be annoyed?

162 replies

eohlay · 13/08/2023 12:17

We have been separated 5 years.
We have two kids 9 and 7.
He has been with his partner for 4 years ,they don't live together and she also has 2 kids.

Last week I found out that today he is going to Cornwall with her and the two kids and he has paid but not taking our kids with him.
When I asked why,he responded "it's too expensive to take them,it would mean getting another room and that's £550 extra for 5 nights and me and "lucy " having to take a car each.

Our kids are at a age now where they aren't stupid and will be talking to his partners kids about the holiday -obviously wondering why they didn't get to go.

I've last min booked us to go away next week for 4 nights so they still get a holiday

Would you be annoyed ?

OP posts:
Dutchesss · 13/08/2023 17:30

It is normal for a family to go away as a household. Your kids are not part of that household.
Yes they are.

HotPringles · 13/08/2023 17:34

kitsuneghost · 13/08/2023 17:18

It is normal for a family to go away as a household. Your kids are not part of that household.

That’s certainly how it will make the dcs feel!

Alongside the fact they don’t matter as much as the dcs of his new partner.

Chchcheckingitout · 13/08/2023 17:45

How do you know he’s paid for the kids that are going?

TVstolemyevenings · 13/08/2023 17:51

kitsuneghost · 13/08/2023 17:18

It is normal for a family to go away as a household. Your kids are not part of that household.

Of course they are!
The kids who live there with their mum may well spend time away from then household with their own dad.

The OPs DC spend time as part of that household with their dad.

its so sad to consider them separate from their dads life

Funhouse8 · 13/08/2023 17:53

Absolutely not, I'd be very upset with this. Me and my partner have already agreed we would never do this. As he said he couldn't imagine going on holiday with my children and leaving his behind. When we went on a holiday abroad with my family, I explicitly said it needed to work around his children so they could come.

Poorlilthing · 13/08/2023 18:14

TVstolemyevenings · 13/08/2023 17:51

Of course they are!
The kids who live there with their mum may well spend time away from then household with their own dad.

The OPs DC spend time as part of that household with their dad.

its so sad to consider them separate from their dads life

Show quote history

Surely just separate from his dating life?

my children are completely and utterly separate from my dating life. And it will remain that. No man ever moving in to this home. And we sure as heck aren’t moving into a man’s house.

never in a month of Sundays would I want to holiday with anyone else’s children, let alone without mine present. But I absolutely would go on holiday with a boyfriend without my children. But even if I did mention to them… not a chance they’d want to go on holiday with my partner and sure as heck not his kids as well

Poorlilthing · 13/08/2023 18:14

Funhouse8 · 13/08/2023 17:53

Absolutely not, I'd be very upset with this. Me and my partner have already agreed we would never do this. As he said he couldn't imagine going on holiday with my children and leaving his behind. When we went on a holiday abroad with my family, I explicitly said it needed to work around his children so they could come.

But why not just go with

Poorlilthing · 13/08/2023 18:15

Your children.

the idea of working my entire family holiday around other kids that aren’t mine…. Shudder

Poorlilthing · 13/08/2023 18:19

I just can’t fathom ever wanting my children to go on holiday with an ex and another woman and her two children, whom my ex doesn’t even live with.

I would be SO relieved that my children weren’t going to be dragged along to this

but it would seem I’m in the minority!

miniegg3 · 13/08/2023 18:32

Do you know it's definitely him that's paid for the holiday?

I do think it's pretty shitty for you your kids to not get to go, but can see the logistics of an extra car etc. I suppose in my mind it depends if he paid for the holiday or maybe just contributed a bit to it. Having said that he could have not got sacked from his job as well 🤔

Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 13/08/2023 18:35

Your kids are getting their holiday in November so I think you were bonkers to nook 4 days away!

toomuchlaundry · 13/08/2023 18:55

His kids should be more priority to him than his partner's children

Cas112 · 13/08/2023 19:25

I can get why people saying no wouldn't be bothered if not his time with them, but still how shit for his kids. He will fork out for the other kids and partner but not them. It's tight if he's not planning a holiday for them as well

Neonyellowfish · 13/08/2023 19:26

toomuchlaundry · 13/08/2023 18:55

His kids should be more priority to him than his partner's children

For all the OP knows his partner paid for the holiday with her kids and he tagged along.

MillicentTrilbyHiggins · 13/08/2023 19:48

Neonyellowfish · 13/08/2023 19:26

For all the OP knows his partner paid for the holiday with her kids and he tagged along.

Show quote history

Then why did he tell her he paid?

Rollonsept · 13/08/2023 19:50

Cas112 · 13/08/2023 19:25

I can get why people saying no wouldn't be bothered if not his time with them, but still how shit for his kids. He will fork out for the other kids and partner but not them. It's tight if he's not planning a holiday for them as well

OP hasn't clarified if dad usually does holidays or not. I can't believe people are just assuming the step mum wants another 2 kids added on to her holiday plus her own kids 😳

MillicentTrilbyHiggins · 13/08/2023 20:00

Rollonsept · 13/08/2023 19:50

OP hasn't clarified if dad usually does holidays or not. I can't believe people are just assuming the step mum wants another 2 kids added on to her holiday plus her own kids 😳

Show quote history

Have you read OPs posts? She said they usually take all the DC away.

Chchcheckingitout · 13/08/2023 20:07

@MillicentTrilbyHiggins
I can’t see where OP said that - he said it would be too expensive at another £550. Maybe it was too pricey as his DP is paying…

MillicentTrilbyHiggins · 13/08/2023 20:25

^He openly said he paid but couldn't take our kids as it would cost too much.
They have been away (our kids ,her kids ) many times to the caravan /Blackpool etc
This is actually the first year they haven't^

@Chchcheckingitout (in OPs 3rd post)

Chchcheckingitout · 13/08/2023 20:32

@MillicentTrilbyHiggins
he said it cost too much, not who it cost too much for

Chchcheckingitout · 13/08/2023 20:33

@MillicentTrilbyHiggins
sorry, rephrase - he may have paid for himself but not half the whole cost

Neonyellowfish · 13/08/2023 20:36

MillicentTrilbyHiggins · 13/08/2023 19:48

Then why did he tell her he paid?

Show quote history

He never said he paid for all of them. He may of just paid for himself considering he obv didn’t want to spend extra money.

Titicacacandle · 13/08/2023 20:48

I don't think we've got all the facts to make a judgment OP.

On the surface it sounds horrible for your dc but.. he's lost his job, we don't know if it would have been his gf needing to fork out the extra £550 and second car, we don't know if he paid for the holiday or not, it might be that they couldn't afford to take all the dc this year because of his job loss and as yours are already going abroad they've decided that although it seems unfair it's more fair that all the dc get to have a holiday this year even if it's not altogether.

Your dc are getting two holidays now.

But if it was me I'd be sad not to be going with my dad.

In your situation I'd make sure my dc didn't feel rejected or left out from this. I'd explain that daddy doesn't have enough money this year and that they are super lucky to be getting two holidays and not to rub it in daddy's gf children faces that they get 4 days in cornwall compared to their abroad holiday.

Original poster
eohlay · 13/08/2023 21:20

He paid for the full £550 for the hotel for partner and her kids
He is driving his own car
He said if our kids came he would have to pay for a extra room and also his partner would have to take her car which would cost more.
He paid

OP posts:
Poorlilthing · 13/08/2023 21:21

eohlay · 13/08/2023 21:20

He paid for the full £550 for the hotel for partner and her kids
He is driving his own car
He said if our kids came he would have to pay for a extra room and also his partner would have to take her car which would cost more.
He paid

And he told you all this…why?