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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband has lost our kids savings

352 replies

Helphusbandmessedup · 12/08/2023 16:32

I am so so so annoyed/angry/upset/fuming.

my husband has invested all our kids savings in crypto mining and lost the f*ing lot £14,500.

I’ve told him he personally needs to pay it all back, he thinks he’s just going to replace it from our other investments. Telling me he’d be poor if he takes it from his monthly money. I’ve long suspected he has a borderline gambling issue. I’m absolutely raging, when I said I don’t think it’s fair it come from our other investments he tried to overbearing me because I said it wasn’t an option.

I’ve said his other options are take a personal loan that he pays for or pay back every month but he’ll need to calculate the lost interest.

I’ve also told him I want to split our money going forward so we split bills but then have our own money. I earn more than him btw.

am I being unreasonable or just full of red mist.

OP posts:
Original poster
Helphusbandmessedup · 12/08/2023 21:58

@billy1966 credit check is find on both of us, I’ve checked just in case but I can see all accounts we have x

OP posts:
Original poster
Helphusbandmessedup · 12/08/2023 21:59

@MillWood85 exactly this too, I feel like my trust in him is completely broken 🙁

OP posts:
Maray1967 · 12/08/2023 22:03

My demands would be as follows:

  1. He pays back the money from his own income
  2. I take control of all investments. He relinquishes it.
Deb28777 · 12/08/2023 22:03

It would be the end of the relationship for me.

Original poster
Helphusbandmessedup · 12/08/2023 22:09

Can I just say I appreciate everyone’s advice/views, I’m trying to see outside of my own perspective so it is helpful to see what others may do in this situation. I accept that I knew he was doing it so am also annoyed at myself for letting our kids down and not sticking with my gut

OP posts:
TVstolemyevenings · 12/08/2023 22:18

I think any response from him other than promising he will repay and laying out clearly how he plans to do with no or minimal impact on the rest of you is unacceptable.

I would really struggle to move forward from this. We all make mistakes and scammers can be devious but he accepted there was a risk hence promising he would make it up if the worst happened. It has and now he is going back on that. He’s taken money away from your children that was for their future and yet doesn’t want to be out of pocket for treats himself. That’s not the kind of father I want my kids to have and I couldn’t be in partnership with him.

Barney60 · 12/08/2023 22:20

To me trust is now lost. Id be watching him like a hawk which is not healthy.
If hes lost your childrens money, i feel he seriously has a problem, make sure all savings are secure so he cant touch them urgently.

Gymnopedie · 12/08/2023 22:35

Helphusbandmessedup · 12/08/2023 22:09

Can I just say I appreciate everyone’s advice/views, I’m trying to see outside of my own perspective so it is helpful to see what others may do in this situation. I accept that I knew he was doing it so am also annoyed at myself for letting our kids down and not sticking with my gut

Don't blame yourself. This is his fault and his alone. I would guess that a strong reason for you backing off was his assurance that he would repay the money out of his own accounts if things went wrong. Maybe he genuinely believed it wouldn't, but either he didn't even mean it at the time, or didn't realise what it would actually mean to do so, so now his promise is worthless. He duped you into going along with it and now is expecting either to pretend it didn't happen or for you to bear at least half the cost of replacing it.

I'd be looking to get out, for this instance (how dare he?) and for the others that will surely come. Because if he's a real gambler he will try some other get rich quick scheme to recoup the loss and end up losing even more.

Gymnopedie · 12/08/2023 22:36

PS I'd also be looking to split the joint savings so that I had half in my own name and he can have the other half.

TomatoSandwiches · 12/08/2023 22:37

You can't trust him, not just because he lost the money but because he is going back on his promise of paying it back.

Once the trust is gone that's it really.

Sleepydoor · 12/08/2023 22:39

@Helphusbandmessedup What I'm really interested to know is, was the plan to invest the money and take whatever profit there was for yourselves or was it to grow the kids' accounts?

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 12/08/2023 22:42

I'd split finances from now onwards and insist he takes out a loan for the full amount, and then divorce him. I couldn't be with someone who is so irresponsible with family money, and for him to take no responsibility for it, and insist it comes out of other investments.

McKenzieFriend001 · 12/08/2023 22:45

I watched a couple of age old Jeremy Kyle episodes where people were absolutely lambasted, completely annihilated by the public and those on stage for taking a tenner out of their child's piggy bank and spending it on cheap booze / fags / whatever.

These are not small sums of money.

I would absolutely surmise that there's definitely more missing, that you aren't yet aware of, and there's a bigger gambling issue than you know.

TheAverageJoanne · 12/08/2023 22:55

I'm gobsmacked at the language you're using. Asking if you're being unreasonable? God's sake how reasonable do you think he's being?

You're trying hard not to resent him? You should loathe him.

Absolutely amazed at people giving you advice on how to work through this and insist on this and that. It won't work he'll resent you never mind you trying not to resent him.

He's a shameful, unfit father and a greedy thief.

Just end it as you'll never have peace of mind ever.

TVstolemyevenings · 12/08/2023 22:55

Sleepydoor · 12/08/2023 22:39

@Helphusbandmessedup What I'm really interested to know is, was the plan to invest the money and take whatever profit there was for yourselves or was it to grow the kids' accounts?

That’s a really good question

Sleepydoor · 12/08/2023 23:07

TheAverageJoanne · 12/08/2023 22:55

I'm gobsmacked at the language you're using. Asking if you're being unreasonable? God's sake how reasonable do you think he's being?

You're trying hard not to resent him? You should loathe him.

Absolutely amazed at people giving you advice on how to work through this and insist on this and that. It won't work he'll resent you never mind you trying not to resent him.

He's a shameful, unfit father and a greedy thief.

Just end it as you'll never have peace of mind ever.

People are giving advice based on the additional information in the OP's subsequent posts where she says he told her what he was going to do and she agreed to it. Just click SEE ALL on OP's posts.

TheAverageJoanne · 12/08/2023 23:32

Sleepydoor · 12/08/2023 23:07

People are giving advice based on the additional information in the OP's subsequent posts where she says he told her what he was going to do and she agreed to it. Just click SEE ALL on OP's posts.

Show quote history

Christ what a mess.

JibbaJab · 12/08/2023 23:45

I'm still a bit confused as to where those funds have gone from within Binance like @Cailleachian suggested also. There will be a log of where it went if it was external.

I could be wrong but isn't the campaigns a referral scheme for recommending people to join?

You are 100% sure you have actually lost all the.money and it's not just ended up somewhere else in your own account on Binance?

As said could be wrong, been a while since I've done it but worth checking.

caringcarer · 12/08/2023 23:58

I'd divorce him for stealing from our children. I'd never forgive or forget what he did so no point staying with him.

Cailleachian · 13/08/2023 00:33

Cornishclio · 12/08/2023 21:30

Well in future you know not to trust him. Crypto, bitcoin or any of those dodgy investments are gambling. Separate your finances immediately and tell him he needs to pay back the money by doing private jobs, reducing monthly spends or whatever. Don't trust him with any financial decisions again. Surprising he decided to use the kids money rather than his.

They are not necessarily gambling but can be,

I've been around bitcoin/crypto along time and the first - the very first - rule that you need to understand is not your keys, not your crypto. If anyone or as a family - are going to get involved in crypto then you need to understand this.

Binance is an exchange, once he sent it to Binance you do not have any money or any crypto (as you do not control the private keys), you have a promissory note from Binance. Binance is a well respected company with a lot of regulations surrounding it, while I am critical of some of their behaviour, for someone new to crypto it is not a bad choice.

The key question is how did it get from his binance wallet to "lost".

I can think of a number of ways.

  • He traded it for high volatility high risk coins (he is gambling)
  • He used it to trade leverage (he is gambling)
  • He sent it out of binance to a scam (he need to be more aware of scams in crypto
  • He sent it to his own secret wallet ( he has stolen your childrens money)
  • He has been gradually cashing it out (look for a gambling/drug habit)
  • He deposited it somewhere, either within or outwith binance, and now does not know where (possibly recoverable).

You need access to the binance wallet @Helphusbandmessedup in order to work out which one of these it is. Funds in Binance wallets do not just "disappear".

Original poster
Helphusbandmessedup · 13/08/2023 00:41

@Cailleachian i think it’s the last option

OP posts:
Original poster
Helphusbandmessedup · 13/08/2023 00:45

@Cailleachian i don’t understand it all myself but from what I know from him it wasn’t buying currency but profiting from people trading in crypto and he would be getting daily returns (that is what he researched and thought he was investing in)

he definitely hasn’t splurged it/squirrelled it away from us, and defo doesn’t have a drug problem.

I just have a real issue with his attitude to high risk investments and his complete lack on due diligence.

OP posts:
Cailleachian · 13/08/2023 00:55

@JibbaJab There have been a few campaigns in binance not only referral, but also leverage, trading and staking.

A best case scenario is that the funds are not lost so much as "misplaced" - he has put them somewhere and now cannot find them (binance is quite confusing for a newbie).

@Helphusbandmessedup I feel like you've been a little irresponsible trusting such large sums of your childrens' money to your husband, but I think it is super common and part of cultural pressure that women are expected to trust that their husbands both know what they are doing and have the best interests of their familty at heart.

I would really encourage women to learn about crypto because I know of far too many instances where men have outright stolen their wives/childrens' money and used "crypto" as an excuse. There is also the male archetype of the hero where a lot of men leverage or use risky strategies with a fantasy of unveiling a disneyland dreamlife to the wife and kids.

When it comes to crypto, personal responsibility is everything. YOU (not your husband, a bank or a third party) is responsible for your crypto. Its the wild west and there are no protections, if you fuck up, its on you.

Children are in a unique position that their parents protect their assets, this is on both of you I'm afraid, you for being to trusting and him for being so untrustworthy.

Cailleachian · 13/08/2023 00:56

Helphusbandmessedup · 13/08/2023 00:45

@Cailleachian i don’t understand it all myself but from what I know from him it wasn’t buying currency but profiting from people trading in crypto and he would be getting daily returns (that is what he researched and thought he was investing in)

he definitely hasn’t splurged it/squirrelled it away from us, and defo doesn’t have a drug problem.

I just have a real issue with his attitude to high risk investments and his complete lack on due diligence.

Do you now have access to the Binance account and can you see the wallet history?

Sleepydoor · 13/08/2023 00:59

TVstolemyevenings · 12/08/2023 22:55

That’s a really good question

Show quote history

Sorry @Helphusbandmessedup Can you answer this question? Was the plan to invest the kids's money and make a profit for yourselves-- and then return the capital to the kids' accounts? Or was the plan to grow the kids' accounts?

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