Husband has lost our kids savings

[Helphusbandmessedup]

I am so so so annoyed/angry/upset/fuming.

my husband has invested all our kids savings in crypto mining and lost the f*ing lot £14,500.

I’ve told him he personally needs to pay it all back, he thinks he’s just going to replace it from our other investments. Telling me he’d be poor if he takes it from his monthly money. I’ve long suspected he has a borderline gambling issue. I’m absolutely raging, when I said I don’t think it’s fair it come from our other investments he tried to overbearing me because I said it wasn’t an option.

I’ve said his other options are take a personal loan that he pays for or pay back every month but he’ll need to calculate the lost interest.

I’ve also told him I want to split our money going forward so we split bills but then have our own money. I earn more than him btw.

am I being unreasonable or just full of red mist.

It's annoying because he probably won't see the kids as much if he works lots of extra hours. But what's the alternative?

How did he fund the investment/how was money paid into the scam account?

Is there irrefutable evidence that this was in fact a scam and not just a poor investment?

I knew he was ‘investing’ their money he told me it was all in a secure wallet and if it went wrong he’d repay it.

When he initially proposed this, you ignored your own better judgment and risk-averse financial outlook and let him convince you it was safe. He allowed for the possibility it could go "wrong" he claimed he would repay it. But you knew he didn't have the money to do so and now it seems working the money off was never a realistic plan.

OP, sorry but even if you say you trusted he knew what he was doing, you have some responsibility here. Maybe that is part of the reason you are so angry -- you're angry with yourself? I think you both need to fix this. You should both replace the kids money and ensure it is never used in risky investments again. Put some safeguards in place.

Pratting about with cyrpo isn't investing really is it , it's gambling on someone else wanting to buy said stuff .
It's only value as i see it is to someone else who wants it .
Bit like a pyramid scheme really .

@Sleepydoor there is probably some truth in what you’re saying I’m angry that I didn’t trust my own judgement. He has habit for saying I don’t support his choices so I think I was probably trying to be more supportive of him. Although probably not my finest hour/ choice of option to support him with.

How old are your kids? How soon are they likely to need the money? I'd be raging too!!

@Mywingshurt transferred from his hsbc into a binance wallet. Binance have said nothing they can do not their issue. HSBC fraud team have said they’ll look into it, but I’m not hopeful

I think you are both responsible, you BOTH knew this was happening. I dont understand why any of you were gambling with your childrens money, you say he did it but he told you and so you are responsible also in my mind.

If it was such a good thing why were you not using your own money? Where did the childrens savings come from? How old are they? Asking that because do you have time to pay it back before they are old enough to get that money.

I think its a sad situation all around, why on earth are you gambling away someone elses money.

Personally I couldnt get past it but if it were me, I would be equally holding myself responsible if I knew about it and could be bothered to do any research or stop it.

Could you explain more about how the money came to be lost?

I understand crypto well, but I'm not clear how he lost it. Was he hacked or did he send the money from his binance wallet to somewhere else? Its worth exploring exactly what has happened to it as there could be methods of recovery.

A worst case scenario is that he hasnt actually lost it, but has been using it as extra spending money and is covering that up.

OP,

Make no mistake.

Only the lowest of the absolute low fxxk around with their childrens savings.

Absolutely appalling.

I'm sorry to be harsh but you too have left your children down.

This is really dreadful.

@anothermnuser123 kids still young 8&11 so time to pay back.

as someone else said I think I am angry at myself for trusting him and believing he’s done his research.

I'm sorry, OP. YANBU. DH and I are quite conservative with our spending so I really feel how you're feeling just reading this!

He said he would replace it, and he should. Sure he's upset about it, but he's literally the one who lost their money. It wasn't his to lose. He's upset because you're holding him to his word.

I agree with those saying it's a form of gambling. These companies prey on people who think they're smarter than everyone else (there's always the "I did my own research" coming up, funnily enough). Get in early and make loads of money; it rings like MLM but for investors. I'm not saying they're all BS but it's an absolute minefield and definitely not a place for putting your children's savings account!

Marriage is a business partnership as much as it is an emotional one. I would really struggle if I couldn't trust my other half with our money, personally.

I think if he promised to pay it back then he has to do that, I do think you have a responsibility too.

But what he has shown you ultimately is you cant trust his word and for me thats a bigger deal than the money. He promised something and has immediately gone back on it.

I don't think you're in LTB territory here, but I do agree that if I were him, I would have been more contrite and at least saying I would find extra work and take cuts to my own money to make this back for your kids. But if I were you, I would THEN graciously say that we both learnt a lesson from this and should both make sure we replace the money and it never happens again. FWIW, I am the more risk averse investor -- my investments are conservative, my husbands are a blend including more risky and our kids' investments are ultra conservative and it's all managed by an investment advisor.

You never said how these savings came about. Are they from you or other family members? If from others, I would tell him unless it is replaced, you will be informing them.

I would be devastated if I gave money for children and found out it was lost to a scam or gambled away. Even if this was not a scam, crypto is always a gamble and you dont do that with someone elses money and you definitely dont do it if you cant afford to lose it.

@Cailleachian moved from hsbc into binance wallet and from there from what I understand there was a link within binance to enter the ‘campaign’

If I even hear the words crypto I am out of a relationship- I appreciate others on here may know about it and have had success but I also know people who've had success betting on the football or horses and for me it's no different- it's a big risk-

@anothermnuser123 savings we have put in for the kids plus about £3k from my parents over the years.

I think your parents deserve to know, £3k of their money is a lot to have gambled away. I would be very disappointed if someone did that with my money that I meant for children. At the very minimum that money needs replacing asap.

I dont believe anyone should be touching money not for them, that includes children with savings. We have a medium risk savings account but that is mostly paid in by us and 1 family member and they were the ones that asked us to choose the medium risk option. Had someone given money for our children and not specified it would have been put in something with no risk.

obviously you are not being unreasonable, I don’t think you need us to tell you that (surely you must know that)

@anothermnuser123 yes my parents know, I think they’re very disappointed but would never say it. They’re both very non confrontational but risk adverse like me

So a very similar thing happened in my marriage, right down to agreeing to pay it back if he lost it and backtracking on that because he'd be 'poor'.

I took over responsibility for our finances and he agreed (half heartedly as it turned out) to pay back the money by reducing his own monthly spends. I was stressed out my face running the whole show, he had no appreciation of just how much work it was, he resented me and wouldn't pick up more housework/childcare/clubs/cooking. Lastly, he gambled to increase his monthly money and got himself into tens of thousands of pounds of debt. Oh and there was some substance abuse as well, which sucked up more money and made him even more unreasonable.

It was a nightmare, we split up in the end anyway and I'm still dealing with people who think I was a financially abusive bitch and should have done more to.help him.

My advice to you is that if this is due to gambling addiction you should legally seperate asap to protect your and children's finances. You don't have to divorce and legal separation can be reversed but it adds a layer of protection that married people don't have.

Ok. The first thing to do is check the binance account.

You will probably need

• the email address that he signed up with
• His binance password
• (possibly) his phone for an sms or authenticator message.

BTW do not give this information publicly or in DMs.

Once you are in the account navigate to "wallet" (top menu) then "overview" (first dropdown).

Look for any wallets that have a balance (even if its zero), click on the wallet then use the top menu to go to "transaction history". This will tell you what was deposited and when and where the money has gone.

I could NEVER stay with someone who had done this to my children, just as I would never want my children to stay with a partner who was financially abusing them.
Those are your children and that was their money. This is horrific.

@GaslitlikeaVictorianparlour thank you (live the name btw 🙂) I will look into this as it seems a sensible option