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Original poster

Husband has lost our kids savings

352 replies

Helphusbandmessedup · 12/08/2023 16:32

I am so so so annoyed/angry/upset/fuming.

my husband has invested all our kids savings in crypto mining and lost the f*ing lot £14,500.

I’ve told him he personally needs to pay it all back, he thinks he’s just going to replace it from our other investments. Telling me he’d be poor if he takes it from his monthly money. I’ve long suspected he has a borderline gambling issue. I’m absolutely raging, when I said I don’t think it’s fair it come from our other investments he tried to overbearing me because I said it wasn’t an option.

I’ve said his other options are take a personal loan that he pays for or pay back every month but he’ll need to calculate the lost interest.

I’ve also told him I want to split our money going forward so we split bills but then have our own money. I earn more than him btw.

am I being unreasonable or just full of red mist.

OP posts:
Sleepydoor · 12/08/2023 18:45

Why would he invest his children's money in something risky? Why did you not insist their money be invested in a very conservative manner? If he said he would replace their money if he lost it, then it should have been his own money he was gambling with in the first place.

HousePlantNeglect · 12/08/2023 18:46

BCSurvivor · 12/08/2023 18:33

I agree with this, 100%

Show quote history

I kind of agree if it's a shared responsibility.

I'm not as savvy as I should be on finance and our kids savings are in ISAs which my DH manages. If he makes any change at all, like switching to get a better rate, he lets me know and we discuss it. It's usually a very short discussion because we are just swapping one product that I already understand for another of the same. If he one day said 'I'm going to invest this in crypto' I'd absolutely say no. If I happened to agree with him then I'd be doing some research into what he was doing and check that I was comfortable with the level of risk.

But can totally see why OP is furious about him not taking responsibility for his actions. Here's hoping he's in shock and embarrassed but will come around to taking responsibility for it. It's a horrible situation but surely not worth ending a marriage for.

Busubaba · 12/08/2023 18:46

I don't think it's fair to bash the op. He told her he had investigated and obviously he didn't or was too thick to understand what he was doing.

Ultimately the only person responsible for flushing £14,500.00 down the toilet is her husband and he should shoulder ALL of the blame with his stupid idea of 'get rich quick'.

HundredMilesAnHour · 12/08/2023 18:47

I accept it’s happened but I know feel we’re going to end up resenting each other if I insist he pays it back out of his own pocket.

But HE lost all the money. Of course he should be paying it back out of his own pocket. If he only have £100 left for 7 years that's on him! He can get another job or a better paying job or sell some stuff. But I think you're going to let him off the hook (once you've been angry for a few days) because you can't face him being a miserable martyr. But don't you see he's playing you? He made a commitment to pay it back out of his own money and now he wants to renege on that, and you're going to let him for the sake of an easier life. But he stole your childrens' money!!! And you're letting him. He is not a good man, and he's definitely not a good dad. He puts himself before his children! What kind of father is that?! I couldn't bear to live with someone like this. It would be over for me. But it would have been over when he wanted to take the childrens' money to "invest". You should have stopped him then.

Sleepydoor · 12/08/2023 18:48

houseonthehill · 12/08/2023 17:03

I mean… if he was scammed, he’s also a victim in this. People do fall for scams of various kinds and we don’t tend to punish them even if they look stupid in retrospect.

I'd agree with you if it was his own money. As a parent, you have a duty not to take huge, uneducated financial risks with your kids' money.

Cas112 · 12/08/2023 18:56

I would be leaving him

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/08/2023 18:58

I accept it’s happened but I know feel we’re going to end up resenting each other if I insist he pays it back out of his own pocket.

However resentful he would be, how resentful would I be that he'd robbed my children? Was it for university? A car? A deposit? They don't get that now. Through no fault of their own.

BeenThereDoneThat101 · 12/08/2023 18:59

It’s not abuse. The OP went along with it, it’s only because he lost that the OP is fuming.

And while a lot of people have lost serious amounts of money on crypto, there are people who have made money from it, which is why the pull is so strong.

If he hadn’t lost, if he’d won, the OP would be happy. And I wonder what they were planning to do with the profits?

As for “it’s theft/stealing from his children” unless the money came from other sources I disagree. Ultimately parents invest for their children. That money IMO isn’t theirs until they’re actively given it.

Luciansmum6 · 12/08/2023 19:01

Helphusbandmessedup · 12/08/2023 16:46

I knew he was ‘investing’ their money he told me it was all in a secure wallet and if it went wrong he’d repay it. Now it’s at that stage it seems like he’s not actually prepared to take ownership of that mistake because he’ll be left with no monthly money.

no didn’t invest any of his own money to see if it was legit. He’s trying to say it was a bad business investment

hes defo embarrassed but I’m annoyed he’s not taking personal responsibility for it

All investments are a gamble. You didn’t stop him. You knew and allowed it but are now mad that he lost it?!

winterchills · 12/08/2023 19:02

I would make him pay back every single penny and divorce him. What a waste of space

Sleepydoor · 12/08/2023 19:05

Legoroses · 12/08/2023 18:30

How is it abuse if OP agreed with him? Wouldn't you just google crypto for 5 mins before letting your husband take ALL the kids' savings and putting it in it?

yup

Freeme31 · 12/08/2023 19:06

He said he'd pay it back so he should. So why does he not want to now his mistake he should own it. Put your children & yourself first & maybe next time he won't be so remiss with his family unless him being happy is more important than anything else !

TooOldForThisNonsense · 12/08/2023 19:07

He stole from his own kids. I couldn’t get past this. LTB.

monsteramunch · 12/08/2023 19:10

Helphusbandmessedup · 12/08/2023 18:36

@Legoroses i did and warned him against it, he said he’d done his own research and it was in a secure wallet on a regulated platform and if for any reason it didn’t work out then he would repay the debt.

I accept it’s happened but I know feel we’re going to end up resenting each other if I insist he pays it back out of his own pocket.

we give each other pocket money every month as other bills are paid from joint income so essentially he’s going to have £100 to his name per month for the next 7 years which he’ll end up resenting me for.

either way we’ll end up resenting each other

So his plan for repaying it if it was lost, was to repay £100 a month for seven years? Didn't you say no fucking way to that as a back up plan?!

Or does he have separate savings he's refusing to repay it from?

I would be asking to see proof of all his savings accounts as it sounds like he's potentially completely cleared himself out.

Being so reckless with the kids saving would be almost certainly unforgivable for me.

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/08/2023 19:11

I would be asking to see proof of all his savings accounts as it sounds like he's potentially completely cleared himself out.

This plus everyone checking their credit.

monsteramunch · 12/08/2023 19:13

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/08/2023 19:11

I would be asking to see proof of all his savings accounts as it sounds like he's potentially completely cleared himself out.

This plus everyone checking their credit.

Yep.

OP your priority needs to be getting completely transparency and safeguarding in the immediate future.

You need to see all accounts (current acc / savings acc / everything) and run credit score checks against both your names.

I would be really surprised if this is the only balls up you'll find but let's hope it is.

Original poster
Helphusbandmessedup · 12/08/2023 19:19

@MrsTerryPratchett i see all other accounts and he hasn’t touched any of them. In his eyes it was just a bad investment and he feels very stupid.

his way of paying was to do private work, he’s an electrician. But now he’s back tracking on that saying it’ll be hard to find private jobs, he won’t see kids as much

OP posts:
anotherside · 12/08/2023 19:20

They really need to teach finance in schools. You can’t invest in crypto in any meaningful sense, it’s just a long term gamble. And I say that as someone who has a few thousand in it.

Original poster
Helphusbandmessedup · 12/08/2023 19:20

@monsteramunch his plan was to do more private jobs as he’s in the trades

OP posts:
Tiqtaq · 12/08/2023 19:21

Can DH get a better paid job or a side hustle?

Original poster
Helphusbandmessedup · 12/08/2023 19:22

@Tiqtaq he earns a decent wage and is just starting a new job. Side hustle yes he’s in the trades so he initially said he’ll do private work but now he’s backtracking a bit on this

OP posts:
anotherside · 12/08/2023 19:24

@Luciansmum6

In a sense that true, but there are different kinds of gambles. ie, smart calculated ones, poor/very risky ones - and then there’s just throwing away a fortune on a “get rich quick“ scam.

Busubaba · 12/08/2023 19:25

Helphusbandmessedup · 12/08/2023 19:20

@monsteramunch his plan was to do more private jobs as he’s in the trades

Get him on Only fans like Katie Prices ex Kieran Hayler. He's heterosexual but he has big following from gay men who pay to watch him swing his Willy around and spread his bum cheeks, all dimes by his female partner Michelle.

Busubaba · 12/08/2023 19:25

Dimes means filmed ^

McKenzieFriend001 · 12/08/2023 19:26

My now exH did similarly with DCs savings / birthday money / Christmas money to the tune of £10k plus each. He has yet to pay it back, I found out in 2017, I threw him out, we divorced in 2019.

Someone somewhere has told me they are able to go to court to get it back from him directly, when they're 16.

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