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Original poster

Husband has lost our kids savings

352 replies

Helphusbandmessedup · 12/08/2023 16:32

I am so so so annoyed/angry/upset/fuming.

my husband has invested all our kids savings in crypto mining and lost the f*ing lot £14,500.

I’ve told him he personally needs to pay it all back, he thinks he’s just going to replace it from our other investments. Telling me he’d be poor if he takes it from his monthly money. I’ve long suspected he has a borderline gambling issue. I’m absolutely raging, when I said I don’t think it’s fair it come from our other investments he tried to overbearing me because I said it wasn’t an option.

I’ve said his other options are take a personal loan that he pays for or pay back every month but he’ll need to calculate the lost interest.

I’ve also told him I want to split our money going forward so we split bills but then have our own money. I earn more than him btw.

am I being unreasonable or just full of red mist.

OP posts:
alexdgr8 · 12/08/2023 18:04

but presumably as parents you are were both responsible for your children's assets.
why did you hand over management of these funds to him.
you should have insisted on running any proposal of his by an independent financial advisor or similar expert.

BCSurvivor · 12/08/2023 18:05

It’s all very well saying that he and only he was responsible for this, but the fact is that the OP went along with it. Presumably because she also believed that there was money to be made. It’s only now that the money has gone she’s decided to blame him and only him.

They’ve both been stupid here.

@BeenThereDoneThat101 THIS, 100%
The OP's initial post was very misleading.

Original poster
Helphusbandmessedup · 12/08/2023 18:05

@BeenThereDoneThat101 yes I knew he was doing it an he assured me he could get the initial investment back as it was in a secure wallet. I don’t gamble/invest I’m low risk and happy with isas reg savers. It’s more the fact we had the conversation before what if it doesn’t work out and he said he would pay it back. Now we’re at that point he’s trying to pull from other joint investments to cover his losses.

it wasn’t a decision I was happy with or wanted to do but silly old me trusted him when he said it’s safe. I don’t know much about or really understand how crypto blockchain etc works

OP posts:
Ridemeginger · 12/08/2023 18:10

I would not be investing in another property with this man, and making sure my finances were as separate as possible.

C1N1C · 12/08/2023 18:14

Helphusbandmessedup · 12/08/2023 18:05

@BeenThereDoneThat101 yes I knew he was doing it an he assured me he could get the initial investment back as it was in a secure wallet. I don’t gamble/invest I’m low risk and happy with isas reg savers. It’s more the fact we had the conversation before what if it doesn’t work out and he said he would pay it back. Now we’re at that point he’s trying to pull from other joint investments to cover his losses.

it wasn’t a decision I was happy with or wanted to do but silly old me trusted him when he said it’s safe. I don’t know much about or really understand how crypto blockchain etc works

All crypto/blockchain is a gamble, especially over the past few years as the "bubble has burst". Those people still in it are those trying to make money from the legends of those that have already made lots, jumping on the bandwagon too late.

His mistake. His duty to rebuild that account. Don't help him out. Otherwise, as a gambler, he'll feel he can gamble without consequence. I wouldn't be surprised if he tried again with new money if you topped up the account yourself.

alwaysmovingforwards · 12/08/2023 18:14

He's certainly made an idiotic mistake.

As per many posters on this thread, you should divorce him.
It's the 'go to' solution for most when a mistake is made after all.

It'll be a life changing event for you, him and especially your children - the whole course of all your lives will be forever different with no turning back.

I'm sure that in years to come when your children are young adults and the 'so what was the reason you divorced dad?' question arises, you'll have no qualms explaining that a £14.5k mistake was the cost of breaking up a family.
No doubt they will nod in a agreement you made absolutely the right call.

RivieraVera · 12/08/2023 18:16

It would mean divorce for me.

Gh12345 · 12/08/2023 18:16

It’s unbelievably greedy and disgraceful that he did that. I don’t think I could really forgive it.

angela99999 · 12/08/2023 18:18

Another moron from the something for nothing brigade who thinks "investing" in crypto currency will give a return. Does he not know it's a glorified con?
I wouldn't necessarily think he's a gambler, unless he has prior. Just an idiot.

sparkleshin · 12/08/2023 18:19

theres always risks with this sort of thing. he could have tried £500 but he did it with the lot. what did he think would happen

Cailin66 · 12/08/2023 18:19

Helphusbandmessedup · 12/08/2023 16:55

@UsernameNotAvailableNow no he’s not wealthy. We have joint savings/investments but this was our kids savings and he assured me it was safe and if not he’d pay it back

How did you find out he had lost the kids money? Have you checked the status of your joint savings?

billy1966 · 12/08/2023 18:25

Ridemeginger · 12/08/2023 18:10

I would not be investing in another property with this man, and making sure my finances were as separate as possible.

This.

I wouldn't trust the idiot as far as I would throw him.

He gambled your childrens money away.

I view that as theft.

Separate your finances asap.

He's a dangerous idiot.

Naddd · 12/08/2023 18:27

Helphusbandmessedup · 12/08/2023 16:46

I knew he was ‘investing’ their money he told me it was all in a secure wallet and if it went wrong he’d repay it. Now it’s at that stage it seems like he’s not actually prepared to take ownership of that mistake because he’ll be left with no monthly money.

no didn’t invest any of his own money to see if it was legit. He’s trying to say it was a bad business investment

hes defo embarrassed but I’m annoyed he’s not taking personal responsibility for it

Nah if he was at all embarrassed/ashamed he'd be offering to replace the money himself with no financial loss to either you or the kids.

ThreeLittleDots · 12/08/2023 18:28

He stole your children's money just to be a crypto twat. Why didn't he use his own money?!

I'd have zero respect for him, especially as he's gambled, PLUS broken his promise to repay out of his own pocket (lied).

It's financial abuse.

Legoroses · 12/08/2023 18:30

How is it abuse if OP agreed with him? Wouldn't you just google crypto for 5 mins before letting your husband take ALL the kids' savings and putting it in it?

BMW6 · 12/08/2023 18:31

He's stolen his children's money. It wasn't his to "invest".

He said he'd replace if it went tits up, now he's backtracking on that promise.

It'd be marriage over for me. This isn't the first time and it won't be the last.

BCSurvivor · 12/08/2023 18:33

Legoroses · 12/08/2023 18:30

How is it abuse if OP agreed with him? Wouldn't you just google crypto for 5 mins before letting your husband take ALL the kids' savings and putting it in it?

I agree with this, 100%

WimbyAce · 12/08/2023 18:33

I am not sure how you agreed to this in the first place. If my partner suggested it I would say no. If he wants to do it with his own money fine but not with the kids.

Fallingthroughclouds · 12/08/2023 18:34

You're not being unreasonable at all. The division of finances sound like the ideal option. I'd be fuming too, but I hope you can work it out. He needs to make the financial sacrifice, if that means no social life, a smaller car, giving up drinking etc then he should be prepared to do it.

Can you put this into an ISA that only your daughter's can touch when they are 16/18?

Original poster
Helphusbandmessedup · 12/08/2023 18:36

@Legoroses i did and warned him against it, he said he’d done his own research and it was in a secure wallet on a regulated platform and if for any reason it didn’t work out then he would repay the debt.

I accept it’s happened but I know feel we’re going to end up resenting each other if I insist he pays it back out of his own pocket.

we give each other pocket money every month as other bills are paid from joint income so essentially he’s going to have £100 to his name per month for the next 7 years which he’ll end up resenting me for.

either way we’ll end up resenting each other

OP posts:
NualaG · 12/08/2023 18:36

I agree this could be the tip of the iceberg I would be considering seriously getting rid of him. Any kind of addiction that leads to this level of deceit I’d find very difficult to come back from.

BeckiWithAnI · 12/08/2023 18:39

Whatever you decide to do, splitting finances going forward is a must. Although not completely safe if you later divorce, it offers some protection.
As for going ahead with buying a house, if you do then don’t go in as joint tenants, but tenants in common and either ring fence a portion of the equity or go into it with unequal shares in your favour to account for the lost money.
Good luck OP.

Oatycookies · 12/08/2023 18:43

Helphusbandmessedup · 12/08/2023 18:36

@Legoroses i did and warned him against it, he said he’d done his own research and it was in a secure wallet on a regulated platform and if for any reason it didn’t work out then he would repay the debt.

I accept it’s happened but I know feel we’re going to end up resenting each other if I insist he pays it back out of his own pocket.

we give each other pocket money every month as other bills are paid from joint income so essentially he’s going to have £100 to his name per month for the next 7 years which he’ll end up resenting me for.

either way we’ll end up resenting each other

Yes either way there will likely be resentment ,so you may as well proceed with the fair option which is for him to pay your children’s money back as agreed. This may also act as a deterrent to him for future financial escapades. Unless you feel his comfort is more important than yours?

cestlavielife · 12/08/2023 18:43

What were you plannjng to do with the wins from the gamble?
What were you plannjng to do with £14.5k x whatever?

Oatycookies · 12/08/2023 18:44

Agree with pp that it’s not only what he’s done but the fact he has been deceitful by claiming he would pay it back but now trying to renege on that. Really sneaky behaviour that shows a poor character.

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