Crush on friend's son

[Emmysass]

I've recently been at a number of events where my friend's son has also been there and I've started to look at him in a different way. At one event there was some flirty body language and conversation from his part, but we had been drinking. I did not reciprocate because I'd never looked at him in that way before and only ever thought I'd him as "my best friends son".

For context he is 25 and I am 34 so there is a bit of an age gap but both adults.
I've been caught totally off guard by how I find myself thinking about him and really uncomfortable and guilty about feeling attracted to my best friend's son. It's developed in to what I guess is a pretty intense crush.

Should I tell her? Is it off limits? If so, how do I stop thinking about him?

I wouldn't do anything to jeopardise our friendship as she is my world.
However, with her son there's a physical attraction but also similar values and interests. He is very much 'my type' and if he weren't her son I would be keen to get to know him more.

Opinions and advice needed.

If you were my friend having feelings toward my son I would be done with you for good and think a whole lot less of you too. It feels desperate and gross.

It might help to look at it more long term @Emmysass . Let's say that your friend is fine with it, you and her son date, it gets serious.

Your friend is now essentially your mother in law. Your relationship with her will necessarily change, it'll go from one of equals to a more parental setup.

Now let's say you've lived with him for a while, found out he eats his toenails, can't hit the toilet bowl etc. You're thoroughly sick of him, and need to end it. How is your relationship with your friend now, she's going to take sides and it's not going to be yours.

Even in the very best of situations, you're going to be introducing a boundary with your friend. There will be you, friend, and her son in the middle.

It's not going to work.

Don't tell her.

However I don't necessarily think he's off limits if your both single.

@Pinkbonbon

Men trying to brush you off, don't mention sexual tension.

He didn't he said 'chemistry' and as OP said "he has said he feels the chemistry too" then she must have said it first and he was responding. Men who are into you don't say nothing can happen.

He was trying to gage if op would be into it despite the relationship she has with his mum.

Or he was politely shutting her down.

Me. Who aren't into you, ignore you.

Rubbish, I know lots of flirty people, men and women, who do just flirt (with anyone sometimes) but wouldn't dream of taking it further.

According to OP this all stems from one event where they had both been drinking and were a bit flirty. It's quite possible that what he thought was harmless flirting with one of mum's friends has been taken very seriously by her and he is trying to gently side step the situation without causing offence.

Simply No!

Immediate gut instinct is absolutely don’t tell your friend! If a friend of mine told me she fancied one of my sons I’d be distancing myself (or completely cutting off) the friendship.

You could try what a pp suggested and tell your friend as you’re now single you’re looking and does she know anyone that might suit. If she doesn’t mention her son then you know it’s completely off limits.

I really don't understand all the negative comments on this 🤷‍♀️
Op didn't know this MAN when he was a minor. Life's too short I really don't see the problem you're both adults x

Worrying you even had to ask, OP. I read the title and cringed. My god.

Read up on limerance, OP, and try to snap out of this asap. No good will come of it.

Just no

Oh my god.
Stay well away.
Most men in their 20s are a bag of hormones who'd anything.
He'll use you and chuck you for a younger model later.
Plus - you'll wreck your friendship.

Beyond grim.

I agree with this. Personally, I would find it awkward if it was my friend‘s son and I‘m also not into younger men anyway, but I don’t see the age difference as shocking.
There is a bigger age gap between OP and her friend, it’s not like her own son could have been the same age as her friend‘s.
My kids are not that age yet, so I can’t say for sure, but I can’t imagine trying to interfere so much in a 25 year old‘s love life (I mean the reservations about the age gap and the fact that OP is going through a separation). I mean, at what point do you let your child make their own decisions (and potential mistakes)? A nine year age gap and a divorce are not exactly like a drug addiction or something.

Nope. Gives me the ick to even think about it. He's her kid, OP! Why are you even entertaining this?

youre already crossing boundaries by entertaining him, he is off limits and if you were my friend i would cut you off

If, as you say, your friendship is your world, this would be a bad idea. You're both adults, but I just think that it would cross the line in your friend's eyes.

I do know of a similar ish situation which worked... my friend caught the eye of our mutual friend's dad when we were out at lunch one time. The dad mentioned to his daughter that he liked the look of her friend. The daughter was a little weirded out at the time but helped them exchange numbers. They started dating. My friend was 27 at the time and he was 43. It's now 10 years on and they are getting married next year. My friend and our mutual friend were never super close though and still aren't. I think it totally depends on your friend (the mum)'s personality. Some people would love the idea (probably more if they see you as a bit like a daughter rather than a friend friend.. ) others would be very against it. Maybe test the water on a jokey way. Wow your son is hot haha. See which way she reacts.

Keep clear. You will lose your valued friendship. He is 25, you are nearly 10 years older. Different needs and wants from a relationship. You may be feeling the excitement of being single once again. Have your flirty fun but not with your best friends son. You will lose more than you 'll gain.

If your friend fancied your 25 year old would you support it? Other than sex what would you have in common? Let's be real this will end your friendship and put a unnecessary strain on your friend and her sons relationship. There are other younger men to approach.

She doesn’t have a 25 year old though.
She’s only 34 herself, so quite a bit younger than her friend. I think it would come across differently if she was her friend‘s age.

I can see how the guy being the friend’s son makes the whole thing awkward (and probably best avoided), I just don’t find the age gap between 25 and 34 all that crazy. Plenty of women in their mid twenties date men in their mid thirties.