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Original poster

Crush on friend's son

169 replies

Emmysass · 08/08/2023 22:56

I've recently been at a number of events where my friend's son has also been there and I've started to look at him in a different way. At one event there was some flirty body language and conversation from his part, but we had been drinking. I did not reciprocate because I'd never looked at him in that way before and only ever thought I'd him as "my best friends son".

For context he is 25 and I am 34 so there is a bit of an age gap but both adults.
I've been caught totally off guard by how I find myself thinking about him and really uncomfortable and guilty about feeling attracted to my best friend's son. It's developed in to what I guess is a pretty intense crush.

Should I tell her? Is it off limits? If so, how do I stop thinking about him?

I wouldn't do anything to jeopardise our friendship as she is my world.
However, with her son there's a physical attraction but also similar values and interests. He is very much 'my type' and if he weren't her son I would be keen to get to know him more.

Opinions and advice needed.

OP posts:
whynotwhatknot · 08/08/2023 23:58

and when it doesnt work out how awkward will that be

MumblesParty · 09/08/2023 00:04

A lad I was at school with married a friend of his Mum’s. I think they made it work - they’ve been together decades now, got kids etc.

EmmaEmerald · 09/08/2023 00:05

Emmysass · 08/08/2023 23:09

So how do I stop thinking about him?

He has said he feels the chemistry too and it's really hard but nothing can happen cos I'm his mums best friend.

The best friend bit isn't worth jeopardising

I'm dating a man half my age so your age gap seems like nothing, but the best friend bit...don't lose that person.

Motheranddaughtertotwo · 09/08/2023 00:11

This really depends on how much she likes you. A colleague of mine mentioned to another colleague that he thought her daughter was really nice and she was over the moon; they’re now married with kids. Speak to her, be honest and her reaction will tell you.

LemonadeSunshine · 09/08/2023 00:20

Reverse the scenario: Dad's friend fancies his daughter, first knew of her when 18, bit of an age gap. Oh, and he's going through divorce.
Why wouldn't Dad think his friend was a complete catch for his daughter?

Does it still sound reasonable? Or a complete no?

Whelm · 09/08/2023 00:21

OP, imagine your dad's best friend telling him how hot young Emmy is. Would it end well?

Seddon · 09/08/2023 00:22

Yuck.

Plus he already blew you off anyway, so it's time to move on.

JudgeRudy · 09/08/2023 00:25

I think it depends what you want/expect. Even if he wasn't your friend's son...let's say he was a work college or a guy at the gym...age wise I'd be cautious.
Has he tried it on with you, asked you out of made any serious attempt to take things further? Is he genuinely interested, or does he just enjoy the 'banter' and flirtation?
I'm not sure I'd want to date anyone who lives with their mum (especially if she was my mate!). Next time he flirts ask him where he thinks all this passion will be taking place because I wouldn't want to be in a situation where you were limited to meeting at yours.

Of course if you think there's genuinely potential for a proper relationship ask him to put his money where his mouth is and whisk you away for a weekend/city break. Get down n dirty n if your bubble doesn't burst take it from there....but no secrecy.
We shall then look out for your posts in a few years moaning about your interfering friend...or should j say MIL 😉

If he's not all you thought (maybe does something to give you the ick) don't say anything straight away but maybe casually drop it into a convo 6 months later with friend, keeping it lighthearted and along the lines of 'what was I thinking?'....if she sounds shocked say oh I fought yd kind of guessed n just didn't wanna face it...

Tbh I think you're gonna do what you want to do irrespective of advice....or maybe do what you feel you just have to do. Sounds pretty intense!

BigBeeee · 09/08/2023 00:25

No.

SirVixofVixHall · 09/08/2023 00:28

Similar age gap (8 years) between DH and I, and he was a couple of years younger that that when we got together. Thirty years later we are still very happy.
So the age gap isn’t the issue, I know much bigger age gaps than that.
The problem is more that if you dated and it went awry then that would be really awkward for your friendship. Do you not have any idea how your friend would take it ?

Wilson79 · 09/08/2023 00:45

I know someone in this situation who asked the mum if it was ok to set them up - they were work colleagues rather than besties so a degree easier I suspect - she was a bit taken aback by the request but did put it to her son (who was a bit clueless with girls anyhow ) and whatdoyouknow they’re now happily married ! 😆

porridgeisbae · 09/08/2023 00:45

If it is actual love then your friend might be OK with it as she will presumably think you, her friend, would treat him OK. But don't go near if you might use him/break his heart.

A friend of mine is older than me and has a son of 40 (I'm 46.) I'm not into him but I think she'd be glad if I went out with him, as he doesn't have much of a life of his own.

oakleaffy · 09/08/2023 00:47

Holy crap, absolutely not.

Cradle snatching.

It will destroy your friendship.

Leave well alone.

MumGMT · 09/08/2023 00:57

If I was her I'd want you to stay well away from him, even if you weren't my friend. I would not want my 25 year old son getting with someone who was going through a separation, I'd feel like there was a high chance of him being hurt or fucked around.

Also even if she is ok with it imagine how awful it would be if it ended badly.

BrandonFlowersTurkeyTeeth · 09/08/2023 00:59

Absolutely not! As a mum of a single 25 year old boy, I would be appalled and devastated if any of my friends liked him sexually regardless of their age

Rogue1001MNer · 09/08/2023 00:59

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BrandonFlowersTurkeyTeeth · 09/08/2023 01:01

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Hmm
Canisaysomething · 09/08/2023 01:05

If this is your one true love and you are destined to be together he will make it work from his end and do the chasing. There is absolutely no way in hell you should be the one pursuing him. You stand to make a complete fool of yourself.

Rogue1001MNer · 09/08/2023 01:06

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nealjacob53 · 09/08/2023 01:09

i had a relationship with someone who was 17 years younger, we had 2 years together and my eldest son died, he was there for me but i couldnt get over that and was drinking every night, and eventually i saw that i needed to let him go and find someone to have a family with which i couldnt give him. My kids now are 46 and 43 and they do see him, he has 2 kids now and i know i did the right thing

Lyxldu · 09/08/2023 01:15

Emmysass · 08/08/2023 23:09

So how do I stop thinking about him?

He has said he feels the chemistry too and it's really hard but nothing can happen cos I'm his mums best friend.

There’s just no point. You’ll lose her friendship and there will hardly be any potential in a relationship if his mum has beef with you.

You’ll get a couple of shags out of it at best.

Theblacksheepandme · 09/08/2023 01:17

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What on earth are you talking about? Are you asking OP these offensive questions?

QueenBitch666 · 09/08/2023 01:19

Nooooooooooo!

Crush on friend's son
Theblacksheepandme · 09/08/2023 01:22

Emmysass · 08/08/2023 23:09

So how do I stop thinking about him?

He has said he feels the chemistry too and it's really hard but nothing can happen cos I'm his mums best friend.

Don't go there OP. You can surely control your emotions.

Louise303 · 09/08/2023 01:27

It is not about the age difference I did know an old couple the lady was ten years older and they had a very long and happy marriage. Your friend would most likely be upset I know I would if it was a close friend. Even if she did accept it what would happen if you split up you would lose a friend. She would obviously cut ties with you for her sons sake.