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Original poster

Crush on friend's son

169 replies

Emmysass · 08/08/2023 22:56

I've recently been at a number of events where my friend's son has also been there and I've started to look at him in a different way. At one event there was some flirty body language and conversation from his part, but we had been drinking. I did not reciprocate because I'd never looked at him in that way before and only ever thought I'd him as "my best friends son".

For context he is 25 and I am 34 so there is a bit of an age gap but both adults.
I've been caught totally off guard by how I find myself thinking about him and really uncomfortable and guilty about feeling attracted to my best friend's son. It's developed in to what I guess is a pretty intense crush.

Should I tell her? Is it off limits? If so, how do I stop thinking about him?

I wouldn't do anything to jeopardise our friendship as she is my world.
However, with her son there's a physical attraction but also similar values and interests. He is very much 'my type' and if he weren't her son I would be keen to get to know him more.

Opinions and advice needed.

OP posts:
Friggingfrog · 08/08/2023 23:18

Argh so he knows you have a crush on him?! This really isn’t good. If you act on it you’ll lose your friend. He’s very very young, it does not sound like it would be worth it for what would quite possibly be a very short lived thing

Lo89 · 08/08/2023 23:20

I'd like to say this is one of those unwritten rules OP that you just don't cross BUT...
You're not too far off age wise and I guess maybe is it more if it's something forbidden that makes it more attractive??

Playing devils advocate as you are mums bf is there potential she would actually approve of her son dating you as she likes you as a person anyway

pictoosh · 08/08/2023 23:20

Absolutely not.

Original poster
Emmysass · 08/08/2023 23:21

See, I needed to hear this cos I can't even think straight right now.

In my head sometimes I think, it's two adults, what's the big deal. So it's really helped hearing the pretty much unanimous, "don't even go there"

OP posts:
Peajee · 08/08/2023 23:22

Apart from it being shit on the part of him being your friend's son and you just don't go there, I would take what he's said to you as him letting you down nicely so you need to let it go from that aspect too...

FlamingYam · 08/08/2023 23:22

Lo89 · 08/08/2023 23:20

I'd like to say this is one of those unwritten rules OP that you just don't cross BUT...
You're not too far off age wise and I guess maybe is it more if it's something forbidden that makes it more attractive??

Playing devils advocate as you are mums bf is there potential she would actually approve of her son dating you as she likes you as a person anyway

No no no. It's still an unwritten rule.

ilikeitthatway · 08/08/2023 23:24

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XDownwiththissortofthingX · 08/08/2023 23:24

Two consenting adults. If you both want to embark on a relationship, then how his mother handles that is entirely for her to worry about.

However, it sounds like he's giving you 'maybe in a different setting...' vibes anyway, so perhaps it's not realistic no matter what your senses are telling you.

Yamtamalamoni · 08/08/2023 23:26

Don't shot on your own step!

lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 08/08/2023 23:29

I would say it comes down to how much you value your friendship with his mum. If you can't imagine not having her as a friend then definitely don't say anything to her or act on it.

She would see you through a very different lens if you became her son's gf. This situation is rife with landmines. It's hard because I know how hard it is to find that chemistry and not act on it.. but I think it's definitely best all round if you absolutely don't.

The advice would be the same on here if someone was married and attracted to someone else Ie - avoid social situations when you know he will be there or where there will be booze. Recipe for disaster!

determinedtomakethiswork · 08/08/2023 23:30

He has said he feels the chemistry too and it's really hard but nothing can happen cos I'm his mums best friend.

how are these conversations even taking place?

He is far too young for you. Keep your friendship and stop talking to this guy like that.

Seaoftroubles · 08/08/2023 23:33

OP, you say your friend is your world and that you don't want to jeopordise the friendship. Well l would pretty much bet on it that a relationship with her son is a sure fire way to do just that!

lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 08/08/2023 23:33

I don't necessarily think he is far too young for the op. The happiest marriage I know has a 14 year age gap... it's the context and circumstances that are an issue imo

madeinmanc · 08/08/2023 23:35

He's 25! That's not "very, very young", don't be ridiculous.

Harryyourenogoodalone · 08/08/2023 23:37

No no.no

continentallentil · 08/08/2023 23:39

It’s not a massive age gap so I don’t agree it’s a complete no no - but are you prepared to loose the friendship? Because you almost certainly will, which since it’s a almost certainly it’s an attraction based on it being forbidden fruit, that will become instantly less interesting if it were to move forward, would be daft.

So avoid seeing him until you have found an appropriate date, and get out there and start dating.

madeinmanc · 08/08/2023 23:39

Nothing particularly unusual about the age gap, either. Or do we just express disdain when it's the woman who is the older one?

Come on, I bet most of us have slept with a man who is nine years older than us, haven't we? But we've still got misogynistic attitudes ingrained in us.

Friggingfrog · 08/08/2023 23:40

madeinmanc · 08/08/2023 23:35

He's 25! That's not "very, very young", don't be ridiculous.

Maybe just quite young then. But possibly young enough that he’s not looking for a serious relationship that will last forever and then the op might lose her friend for nothing

Onelifeonly · 08/08/2023 23:41

I'd have thought the maturity gap between 25 and 34 was quite large, though not wildly so. If it's just for sex, no issue, other than the fact your friend is his mother. I can't imagine she'd feel comfortable if she found out. Also sounds like he isn't. I'm sure there are other fish in the sea for you....

dontdillydallytoolong · 08/08/2023 23:42

If you don’t value your friendship more than exploring this possible relationship… you will lose your friend and her son ultimately.

Onelifeonly · 08/08/2023 23:43

Plus the 25 year olds I know do NOT seem that grown up.

Pinkbonbon · 08/08/2023 23:46

determinedtomakethiswork · 08/08/2023 23:30

He has said he feels the chemistry too and it's really hard but nothing can happen cos I'm his mums best friend.

how are these conversations even taking place?

He is far too young for you. Keep your friendship and stop talking to this guy like that.

Far too young? Seriously! No he isn't.

Also I think he's waiting on you to.make the move op. He wants you to say 'don't worry about your mum'.

Men don't turn down people they fancy just because their their mums pal. Trust me. He didn't care about that. He was just checking to see if you did.

I wouldn't go there op, not if you value the friendship. Because if he turns out to be a jerk to you it'll put his mum in a difficult position.

Or if its just a fling...or at some point you break up...it'll be uncomfortable to keep seeing his mum.

VinEtFromage · 08/08/2023 23:50

@Emmysass

you'd be mad to risk your friendship for this.

really good friends are hard to find.

young men that want to shag not so much!

wingingit1987 · 08/08/2023 23:51

I don’t think the age gap is the issue, but more the fact it’s your friends son. Imagine if a man posted that he fancied his friend’s daughter- it would seem off. This would be a hard no for me.

Mmhmmn · 08/08/2023 23:52

Emmysass · 08/08/2023 22:56

I've recently been at a number of events where my friend's son has also been there and I've started to look at him in a different way. At one event there was some flirty body language and conversation from his part, but we had been drinking. I did not reciprocate because I'd never looked at him in that way before and only ever thought I'd him as "my best friends son".

For context he is 25 and I am 34 so there is a bit of an age gap but both adults.
I've been caught totally off guard by how I find myself thinking about him and really uncomfortable and guilty about feeling attracted to my best friend's son. It's developed in to what I guess is a pretty intense crush.

Should I tell her? Is it off limits? If so, how do I stop thinking about him?

I wouldn't do anything to jeopardise our friendship as she is my world.
However, with her son there's a physical attraction but also similar values and interests. He is very much 'my type' and if he weren't her son I would be keen to get to know him more.

Opinions and advice needed.

Totally totally off limits. She's your friend, he's her child and she'll always see him as such. She'd be horrified at the prospect of you two, surely.