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Original poster

Crush on friend's son

169 replies

Emmysass · 08/08/2023 22:56

I've recently been at a number of events where my friend's son has also been there and I've started to look at him in a different way. At one event there was some flirty body language and conversation from his part, but we had been drinking. I did not reciprocate because I'd never looked at him in that way before and only ever thought I'd him as "my best friends son".

For context he is 25 and I am 34 so there is a bit of an age gap but both adults.
I've been caught totally off guard by how I find myself thinking about him and really uncomfortable and guilty about feeling attracted to my best friend's son. It's developed in to what I guess is a pretty intense crush.

Should I tell her? Is it off limits? If so, how do I stop thinking about him?

I wouldn't do anything to jeopardise our friendship as she is my world.
However, with her son there's a physical attraction but also similar values and interests. He is very much 'my type' and if he weren't her son I would be keen to get to know him more.

Opinions and advice needed.

OP posts:
user1492757084 · 09/08/2023 04:17

No, leave well alone.

The young man is young enough to find a lovely woman nearer his age and with no attachments to his mother.

Do not flirt with him.
Do not tell the woman or her son of your feelings.
We all have feelings that we need to ignor at times - put aside and carry on.

Mrsmulhern · 09/08/2023 04:21

@Wheredoesyokoshairendandpubesbegin No, I understand that but surely as a mum to the son his sex life doesn’t matter(and you just wouldn’t ever think about!) and just his happiness does!

How is there any messiness in two people around the same age exploring a mutual connection?

mangochops · 09/08/2023 04:26

I dont think the age gap is so much of an issue but the fact he's your friend's son is really, really awkward.

My son is 17 and if my BFF in 5 years time or so said this I'd be completely shocked and tbh it would really really gross me out and I would look at her differently. I dont think our friendship would survive it. So you've got chemistry?- lots of people have that, it doesnt mean it would work out. Its just pure physical attraction is all. The choice is yours of course but if you do go ahead, be prepared to lose her as a friend and is that really worth it for a few months of sex? what if you split up, what if he liked you more than you liked him and was heartbroken? what if he dumped you? etc There are so many potential scenarios where this could go horribly wrong and you'd lose her and end up in an even worse situation.

I dont think its worth it personally.

StBrides · 09/08/2023 04:31

Honestly, I'm not really sure what you're asking for with your post.

...permission?

Advice on how to deal with your feelings while you wait for the crush to pass?

Obviously, as others have said - he is off limits if you value your friendship with your friend at all.

It also sounds like you've already crossed a line: you said you didn't reciprocate with flirting but apparently the two of you have talked about your mutual chemistry??

Acting on your crush with him won't just destroy your friendship with her, it will also damage his relationship with his mum and separately to both those things, put his mum through the emotional ringer.

Personally, I don't think the consequences are worth it, especially when you consider the age gap doesn't bode brilliantly for a long term relationship.

As to what you do with the feelings...Well, just like with any inappropriate crush you stay away, don't act on them, keep your distance physically and emotionally and wait for the crush to pass.

I don't envy you the situation you find yourself in but tread carefully because it sounds like you're playing with fire.

Mrsmulhern · 09/08/2023 04:34

mangochops · 09/08/2023 04:26

I dont think the age gap is so much of an issue but the fact he's your friend's son is really, really awkward.

My son is 17 and if my BFF in 5 years time or so said this I'd be completely shocked and tbh it would really really gross me out and I would look at her differently. I dont think our friendship would survive it. So you've got chemistry?- lots of people have that, it doesnt mean it would work out. Its just pure physical attraction is all. The choice is yours of course but if you do go ahead, be prepared to lose her as a friend and is that really worth it for a few months of sex? what if you split up, what if he liked you more than you liked him and was heartbroken? what if he dumped you? etc There are so many potential scenarios where this could go horribly wrong and you'd lose her and end up in an even worse situation.

I dont think its worth it personally.

@mangochops but if you’ve clearly not been best friends for that long due to age gap between the son and friend what’s the problem!

Mothership4two · 09/08/2023 04:34

Most of the comments of here are irrelevant because he said nothing can happen cos I'm his mums best friend - he has tactfully said no thanks. OP should respect that and keep the friend out of it.

Mrsmulhern · 09/08/2023 04:36

Mothership4two · 09/08/2023 04:34

Most of the comments of here are irrelevant because he said nothing can happen cos I'm his mums best friend - he has tactfully said no thanks. OP should respect that and keep the friend out of it.

@Mothership4two

Yes, true.

MumGMT · 09/08/2023 04:37

RoseGoldEagle · 09/08/2023 03:09

I think his comment ‘yes I feel chemistry too but nothing can happen because you’re mum’s friend’ is pretty telling- sounds like he’s happy to practise a bit of flirting but wouldn’t want anything else to happen- most 25 year olds wouldn’t much care about the mum/friend thing so that sound like he’s making an excuse. So definitely let this go!

This is a very good point!
Most 25 year olds would JUMP at the chance.

MumGMT · 09/08/2023 04:44

Mrsmulhern · 09/08/2023 04:21

@Wheredoesyokoshairendandpubesbegin No, I understand that but surely as a mum to the son his sex life doesn’t matter(and you just wouldn’t ever think about!) and just his happiness does!

How is there any messiness in two people around the same age exploring a mutual connection?

I wouldn't see this having a happy ending, It has disaster written all over it.....OP is older....she's going through a divorce.
I'd even be concerned about a friend seeing a man who was going through a divorce, so I would be even more cautious if it was my son. There is potential for him to get very hurt.

And it's not just his sex life, it could possibly be a relationship, one of the biggest parts of his whole life.

Mrsmulhern · 09/08/2023 04:50

But what can you do as a mum if that’s what your son decides to do?

Even if it was to turn into a relationship you’ve just got to sit back and let that happen until it either ends badly, or they end up married.

If every single time you try and protect your son from hurt it won’t end well. They’re both adults.

Mrsmulhern · 09/08/2023 04:54

Whilst I agree with the original post, what do you mean by that?

Mrsmulhern · 09/08/2023 04:59

MumGMT · 09/08/2023 04:37

This is a very good point!
Most 25 year olds would JUMP at the chance.

Show quote history

Sorry I cleared quote earlier, but what do you mean by this?

HalloumiLuvver · 09/08/2023 05:06

Mothership4two · 09/08/2023 04:34

Most of the comments of here are irrelevant because he said nothing can happen cos I'm his mums best friend - he has tactfully said no thanks. OP should respect that and keep the friend out of it.

Yes OP he likes a flirt but doesn't want more. Take the hint.

MumGMT · 09/08/2023 05:10

Mrsmulhern · 09/08/2023 04:50

But what can you do as a mum if that’s what your son decides to do?

Even if it was to turn into a relationship you’ve just got to sit back and let that happen until it either ends badly, or they end up married.

If every single time you try and protect your son from hurt it won’t end well. They’re both adults.

You can't do anything about it but I wouldn't be able to be her friend because I would think she was disgusting.

And trying to protect him from getting hurt in a specific instance doesn't mean a parent would do it every time.

I don't care if they're both adults. I'm the same age as the OP and I'm far more of an adult that a 25 year old is! He's a young adult!

malificent7 · 09/08/2023 05:10

I think what the poster meant by " jumping at the chance" is that many young men are very keen to shag older, more experienced women.

Don't though!

MumGMT · 09/08/2023 05:12

Mrsmulhern · 09/08/2023 04:59

Sorry I cleared quote earlier, but what do you mean by this?

Show quote history

Most young men would jump at the chance to be with an older woman/their mothers friend/anyone they have bit of chemistry with/ sex that was possibly a bit taboo/the danger factor/the extra excitement that comes with sneaking around etc.

TealSapphire · 09/08/2023 05:12

Unless you are a character on the Bold and the Beautiful - no.

BlastedIce · 09/08/2023 05:29

Emmysass · 08/08/2023 23:09

So how do I stop thinking about him?

He has said he feels the chemistry too and it's really hard but nothing can happen cos I'm his mums best friend.

Get a hobby?

StopStartStop · 09/08/2023 05:34

I wouldn't see this having a happy ending
Teehee! At 25? It'll be fine. 😄

OP, if he's not dead keen, don't embarrass yourself. Wank on it. 😉

Sweet Boy is nearly nineteen years younger than me but even so, he's in his mid-forties and I'm not mates with his mum. 😂

HerMammy · 09/08/2023 05:38

Why on earth would you even consider telling your friend? Get a grip.

CherryMaDeara · 09/08/2023 05:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I doubt it. Bear in mind OP has probably changed some details, like ages.

What makes you think you recognise her?

DreamTheMoors · 09/08/2023 05:45

Get a good vibrator @Emmysassand use your imagination and don’t ever tell your best friend about that one time when you almost said “fuck you” to your friendship so you could say “fuck me” to her kid.

MaryMagda · 09/08/2023 05:53

I'm 50, my son is 25. I never interfere with his love life but this would be too weird. My pals, especially my best friend, can't be dating my son 🤦‍♀️

GigiAnnna · 09/08/2023 05:58

If you went for it with him your friendship would most likely be over so it depends what is more important to you. I don't think it's disgusting, you're both adults and you're closer in age to him than to your friend. But I'd be inclined to give it some space for a while and not act unless you are 100% sure. If he's not willing to act on it though, then you need to just move on and put it behind you regardless.

TallerThanAverage · 09/08/2023 06:06

Emmysass · 08/08/2023 23:09

So how do I stop thinking about him?

He has said he feels the chemistry too and it's really hard but nothing can happen cos I'm his mums best friend.

Go for it, you’re both single. Is that what you want to hear?
Are your sexual desires or your friendship more important? FFS it’s your friend’s son, have some self control. I can’t believe that you even have to ask the question.