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Original poster

Crush on friend's son

169 replies

Emmysass · 08/08/2023 22:56

I've recently been at a number of events where my friend's son has also been there and I've started to look at him in a different way. At one event there was some flirty body language and conversation from his part, but we had been drinking. I did not reciprocate because I'd never looked at him in that way before and only ever thought I'd him as "my best friends son".

For context he is 25 and I am 34 so there is a bit of an age gap but both adults.
I've been caught totally off guard by how I find myself thinking about him and really uncomfortable and guilty about feeling attracted to my best friend's son. It's developed in to what I guess is a pretty intense crush.

Should I tell her? Is it off limits? If so, how do I stop thinking about him?

I wouldn't do anything to jeopardise our friendship as she is my world.
However, with her son there's a physical attraction but also similar values and interests. He is very much 'my type' and if he weren't her son I would be keen to get to know him more.

Opinions and advice needed.

OP posts:
MsDogLady · 09/08/2023 06:29

Why aren’t you respecting his boundary, @Emmysass? He has already stated that nothing can happen, as you’re his mother’s best friend.

As for ‘I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardise our friendship as she is my world,’ you have already crossed that line by discussing your attraction to him. Your dating her son would repel and upset her. You’re playing with fire and need to back off and distance yourself from him.

Peanutbutter11 · 09/08/2023 06:32

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns, so we've agreed to take this down now.

FishNetz · 09/08/2023 06:38

just be friends. If after a while you feel he’s your soul mate chat to mum

Hiddenvoice · 09/08/2023 06:52

You are two consenting adults so if you want to explore it and feel okay with it then you could give it a go. The main risk is losing your friendship so it comes down to what’s more important to you?
I’m not sure how your friend will react. She may be okay with it and give you her blessing but I can’t imagine she will remain a close friend to you and will distance herself. She may be really upset and distance herself.
Sorry to say but In my opinion, I don’t see a way forward were she will be happy and still be your best friend.

If you want to keep your friendship then you need to distance yourself from him, don’t engage in any chat with him without his Kim thwre and whenever you think of him then try keep yourself busy.

Hibiscrubbed · 09/08/2023 06:57

Emmysass · 08/08/2023 23:09

So how do I stop thinking about him?

He has said he feels the chemistry too and it's really hard but nothing can happen cos I'm his mums best friend.

If you’ve had this conversation, it’s already gone too far.

Rank.

ApolloandDaphne · 09/08/2023 06:59

I really cannot see the issue. One of my friends has been with a man 10 years her junior for years now. She knew his DM long before she got with him as they work in the same field. It has never been an issue for his DM and they all get on well. 25 and 34 isn't such a big age gap.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 09/08/2023 07:15

No
it will be just a fling at best given the age gap

and you will lose her
mark
my words

icelollycraving · 09/08/2023 07:28

Well you can’t pursue it as he’s not interested, he’s already kindly said no thanks.

Rogue1001MNer · 09/08/2023 07:28

BrandonFlowersTurkeyTeeth · 09/08/2023 03:35

Are you the mum / friend ?!

Show quote history

No, nothing like that.

I meant I suspect I recognise the poster from previous threads on mn which go back to the beginning of this year.

The OP of those threads wants almost "permission" to have a wildly inappropriate sexual relationship (it was the father of a friend she'd know since she was 11 in an earlier thread). It then came out that the poster had all the issues I listed above.
They've had a truly terrible time and are battling ginormous demons, which is so sad. But is also determined to make horrendous choices (such as sleeping with the son of her best friend) along with sleeping with other randoms along the way.
That poster has 2 children, one of whom doesn't live with her full time.

I feel like I recognised the OP of this thread as that poster. I could be wrong, but we'll wait and see.

BlastedIce · 09/08/2023 07:29

ApolloandDaphne · 09/08/2023 06:59

I really cannot see the issue. One of my friends has been with a man 10 years her junior for years now. She knew his DM long before she got with him as they work in the same field. It has never been an issue for his DM and they all get on well. 25 and 34 isn't such a big age gap.

The man involved has said he’s not interested because she’s his DMs friend, therefore he’s not interested.

So OP needs to walk away.

BackAgainstWall · 09/08/2023 07:54

No creepy circumstances and cradle snatcher ish.

If you want to lose your friendship with his mum, then go fill your boots.

HairyKitty · 09/08/2023 08:10

@Emmysass you will 100% lose her friendship and she will 100% blame you (not her son) for anything she thinks isn’t ok about it.
You need to do more than do nothing, you need to actively avoid him. Never drink if you have no choice but to be in the same place. Never ever have one moment alone (how on earth did you have that I could really fancy you convo??).

Assume he relays every interaction back to his Mum (which he may one day do). Imagine he tells his mum that you’ve been coming on to him?

PollyAmour · 09/08/2023 08:12

He’s kindly given you the brush off so don’t humiliate yourself further.

GoodNightsSleep · 09/08/2023 12:54

If this is really just a crush then it’s probably best kept as your secret until you can know your true feelings. Unless a crush is definitely reciprocated it can become awkward if one side reveals their feelings and they are not reciprocated, especially in your situation OP with being friends with his mother and just coming through a separation.

The age gap is not the issue but you need to know the reaction of your friend if a relationship was to develop with her son. Everyone is assuming that she would be against it but from what you’ve said so far we don’t know this for certain. Not sure how you could determine this but you need to thread carefully.

babyboyHarrison · 09/08/2023 14:21

Not suggesting to go there but the age gap isn't that much and he's not stupidly young. I don't think it's that odd you like him. You've only met him as an adult (weird territory if you'd known him since a kid) and you really like his mum and she raised him so understandable that he might have lots of nice characteristics from her. Maybe just mention in passing to your friend what a nice man he is and that she's done a wonderful job raising him, if you wanted to hint at anything you could say you wish you would meet someone as nice as him. I don't think I'd do anymore than that though. Unless she then says 'oh you two should go out sometime' I'd then drop it.

KellyanneConway · 09/08/2023 14:56

I’m going to throw in a curve ball and say that if my friend from work (not “best” friend, but we’ve been out for drinks) who is 32(I am 51) dated my son who is 23, I would quite like it as my friend is a lovely, successful young woman and I love my son, who is mature beyond his age. When it might get tricky is if one behaved badly towards the other or they had a falling out and wanted me to get involved as ultimately my loyalty would be with my son and not the friendship

PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog · 09/08/2023 20:39

It's grim for me OP. However my DCs are tinies so I can't imagine them as adults, but if you are mature enough to be a good friend to his mum you should be mature enough to see this as a crush and move on.

5128gap · 09/08/2023 20:47

I'm in my 50s with a son around his age. However my daughter is around your age. So to me, you and the son are the same generation and a different one from your friend. If you were her age it would be different, but I'd imagine she views you as a young woman, so she may not be as shocked and horrified as people expect.
That said, it would be very messy if/when it ended and you would probably lose her.

MumGMT · 09/08/2023 22:08

@KellyanneConway
Would it bother you if your friend was going through a separation?

Mothership4two · 10/08/2023 04:35

If a woman in her 20's wrote an MN thread about how she had hit it off with her dad's friend, who was 9 years older than her, and how they had had a bit of a flirt but now he seemed keener than her and wanted to take things further, had talked about their 'chemistry' but she decided she didn't want to do that and had told him and said "no" but he still was still keen (and may have let her dad know how he felt) I wonder what the responses would have been on here? Doubt there would have been many 'it's only a few years difference go for it'?

KellyanneConway · 10/08/2023 06:58

@MumGMT I would prefer that OP waited until the separation was complete. As pp said, I see my son and my work friend as the same generation, and me as the older person so as a general principle, I wouldn’t mind them dating.

romdowa · 10/08/2023 07:09

I mean you're both adults and it's not a massive age gap but the issue is that he's brushed you off. If he really wanted to go there then he would. Sorry op but he's not that interested, time to move on

Pinkbonbon · 10/08/2023 12:16

Everything else asside it makes me laugh the amount of people on here who think op has been given 'the brush off'.

Men trying to brush you off, don't mention sexual tension.

He was trying to gage if op would be into it despite the relationship she has with his mum.

Me. Who aren't into you, ignore you.
They don't tell you they feel the spark between you.

Pinkbonbon · 10/08/2023 12:17

*men

BlueKaftan · 10/08/2023 12:24

I’m certain this ship has already sailed.

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