The getting a life thread

[LifeLoading]

I see so many posts from women who are dissatisfied with their lives, from having no time to focus on their own interests, having no, few or bad friends, losing touch with who they are outside their roles at work and home and experiencing low self esteem.

I’m starting this thread for anyone who wants to make a change so we can support and encourage each other to take steps to creating fuller lives for ourselves - I.E. getting a life. It’s not easy to do these things when we’re already feeling low and unsure of ourselves, but we’ll be here, handholding and supporting. A bit like the dating thread, with —hopefully— fewer dick pics and more happy ever afters!

This is your call to action - you deserve a life you’re happy with so if you’re not there at the moment, share your woes and if you are, share your best advice

oh nice! I had a lot of fun online dating a few years ago and had a 4 year relationship with a guy I met on there. We’re still in occasional touch as we were good together, just it was too tricky trying to blend our families.

The ukulele is cool! I play a bit of recorder but would like to learn piano one day.

@theansweris42, glad you’re all back safe but sorry to hear you’re jet lagged and not well. I’m also dreading going back to work next week (massive piece of work deadline end of August) and also the school grind. DD1 is starting an early college placement and I’m so hoping this turns things around as she hasn’t attended school since yr6 and she’s about to go into yr11. DD2 has just finished yr7 but was regularly school refusing by half way through the year. I know how exhausting it is dealing with the system so just to send solidarity.

Wow, that’s an impressive list of things you got done! I’m glad you recognise it too and will squeeze in some exercise today.

@EmmaEmerald, I’m really sorry to hear that. I hope the new meds make all the difference. You absolutely must put your health first and don’t worry about the thread unless you will find it helpful.

I’m really aware of the possibility of toxic positivity on a thread like this and acknowledge that I’m in a privileged position in many ways and that a lot of what I’m going now wouldn’t have been possible at the times in the past that I was dealing with very difficult things. What I hope is that it gives a space for women to give themselves permission to prioritise themselves and their needs. I think it’s wonderful that you are able to recognise what you need and are ready to do that for yourself

@SuperChouette, please only post when you can and if it will be helpful. The main thing is that we’re all thinking of ourselves a little more than before.

It’s great that you’re making such progress with operation declutter. I find the sentimental stuff hardest to get rid of as well. A lot of it has been ruined as not stored properly. I have bags of professional printed photos that will eventually be framed and go on the walls (if the house is ever finished!) that are probably bent and ruined because I haven’t stored them well. My dream is to have a place for absolutely everything.

I’m feeling a little better today than yesterday although I had an overwhelming urge to message my ex earlier. He’s dating my exBF who lives just up the road from me. He has no other ties to the area and lives two towns over so I just wanted to tell him to get the fuck out of my life properly. I know it’s unreasonable but I really feel like he’s only with her to punish me and keep this weird link to my life. I’ve felt tempted to finish the house and sell up but I need to decide before I spend more money how long I plan on staying. I thought I would be staying forever before all this happened.

On a positive note, I took DD2 out with her friends which was nice, did my double exercise class and had a day on plan food wise.

LifeLoading thank you for your kind words. I'm in that headspace where I have no idea what I'll feel up to doing in the next half hour if you know what I mean.

Re the ex, it's so much better to just ignore but I appreciate that's really hard.

I also dream of having a place for everything!

I've just come across this thread and think it's a great idea. I'm not very happy with myself and my life at the moment either.

I need to sleep right now, but tomorrow will read through the whole thread.

@LifeLoading that sounds like a total winner of a day.

I’m going to listen to that 14 things podcast. I’m not a hoarder but I need to get better at letting things go.

Speaking of which, a book recommendation has popped up in several places over the last few days so I think I need to take the hint that the universe is giving me and read “this is me letting you go”.

The thing I find hardest and most triggering about separating from STBXH, is him treating another woman nicely when he treated me with complete contempt and disrespect. When I have those feelings I have to ask myself “would I trade places with her”. Of course the answer is always no, (he hasn’t had therapy to understand why he keeps doing this so he will not change until he does) but I’m cross with myself for wasting my precious life putting someone else first who put his selfish wants over anything, no matter the cost to those who loved him more than anyone else ever has.

Its the South West of Scotland which is lovely. I do love Glasgow! The company I work for has an office there and I look for any excuse to visit. I'm so sorry about how you have been feeling about your ex and ex BF.

Update on me. I spoke to my GP about perimenopause and starting HRT and she was so nice about it. Just waiting on a prescription now so praying it helps. I've had some bouts of anxiety this last few days but nothing too major. I have a long term friend and our relationship is currently fading out. This is partly my decision but its quite difficult regardless. Off to the Lakes on Friday for a week with my Mum and the kids so hoping that is a lovely distraction.
@LifeLoading I hate that you have to deal with your ex and exBF. Try not to text him though, you will only regret it.

Hope that everyone is doing OK. ‘Holiday’ time like this weekend can be hard. I am slowly doing a little bit of a declutter alongside everything else over this weekend which is making me feel better.

I was meant to declutter my closet today but wasted my time er doing important 'research'

Need to refocus again.

My decluttering has produced 1.5 big cardboard boxes for charity shop, 2 large bin bags for textile recycling bin
Doesn't sound like much but for me it’s a win!
Hope that everyone is having a good day today if you’re having the day off.

@SuperChouette that sounds like a great effort. DD moves back to uni this week so I’ll be doing the same once she’s sorted through what she’s taking with her, what she wants to keep and what we can jettison. I love that feeling of dropping off stuff at the charity shop/textile bins and walking away feeling so much lighter!

Yes. That feeling is glorious!
I need to remember that. It’s better than the fun of buying stuff now that I think about it.

Another one struggling in all areas. About to go and play tennis.

How was your tennis?

Crappy weather here and our household has a grim back to school feeling. Pressing on with the declutter as best I can but my autistic DC is finding this time hard with the anticipation of dreaded school starting back, so spare time is going to be minimal in between managing everyone’s feelings. Wishing everyone else well especially if you’re having to park your ‘getting a life’ steps for a little bit.

I love this thread!

I’m very comfortable plodding along but if I go at this rate I’ll just become stale.

I mainly want to focus on my career and finances.

I’ve downloaded a budget app to keep track of outgoings.

I’m also want to dedicate half a day a week just focusing on career development. I thought a good step would be to update my Linkden profile. I’m very timid and quiet at work, just keep ticking things over and on decent wage (for me!). It’s fine now as DC is still very little and work provides flexibility, but I don’t want to stay at this stage in 5 year’s time. I can feel it impacting on my self-esteem from time to time (even if it’s just in my head).

Anyway, rant over. Baby steps.

Can I join?
52, post menopausal and seriously need to revamp my life.

DD is off to uni in a few weeks.
DS has a year left at school
I want to move to a nicer area.
DS doesn't want to!
DP is indifferent re moving.

Myself and DS are dreading getting back on the hamster wheel of school next week ( i work in one ).

I've got my notebook at the ready, just need a plan of action!

The career focus sounds good Cauldron I wish you well with it. I’m too tied up with other stuff to think about mine at the moment but have found in the past that it really pays off to have a regular time that you set aside to think about what you want to do career wise.
I find ‘what do I want to do’ a really hard question to answer and have spent too long only focusing on job flexibility because of the DC, which can’t be the only priority long term if I want to find a bit more fulfilment in the working day.

And good luck Sortmylifeout. Lots of change happening, making this a great time to take stock and begin planning, it sounds like?

@SuperChouette well I'm trying to make changes. In the pits of despair with menopause right now, so it all feels really tricky.

I decided to take one last shot at the diploma I failed. I’m 50 50 on whether I’ll pass this time but I didn’t want to live with the regret of never being sure if I could make it and my HNC certificate going to waste. I failed the exam right at the start of the pandemic. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done and even though I’ve studied the course before it feels like learning a new language with just vague recognition. I feel like I have purpose again. Hoping I can do this

Good on you, @Annaishere, and get stuck in there for your diploma. I'm similar -- almost flunked out of a certificate due to lack of courage, but the college has given me another chance. These things are not meant to be easy. But people do them, and we too can do them, so let us do them and start our new careers.

New to this thread, but I do hope it will continue!