Lack of Intimacy is Killing Me

[Angela1973]

I’m a 49 year old woman, turning 50 soon. My partner of nearly 2 years is almost 64. He looks good, in great shape. We are compatible in many areas with similar interests, views, lifestyles. He’s a good conversationalist. Knows what he wants in life and very practical.
We fell in love surprisingly quick and had both been single a while.
My issue is that for a while he’s been less affectionate both in words and physically. He used to kiss and hug me often, sit holding hands, lots of caresses. His words were loving and caring and had pet names for me. He loved to cuddle in bed and enjoyed sexual intimacy.
Then he started changing and became increasingly distant physically in the bedroom and just generally. Even the way he speaks to me changed and he has become distant. I feel very rejected and it’s like I’m in a purely platonic relationship and I’m dying inside because I need and miss that physical closeness. I have spoken to him often about this and asked what is wrong and if I have done anything wrong. I even asked if he has someone else he’s seeing on the side because why does a man suddenly lose interest. When I raise the subject he dismisses it and even gets annoyed. He claims he loves me and wants me in his life, yet it’s at the stage mostly where I feel like his roommate. It’s not just about lack of sex which only happens occasionally when he desires, but all the other signs of affection and loving words are almost extinct.
Maybe I’m being too sensitive but I don’t want to carry on feeling this kind of rejection and not knowing if the spark is going to come back his side.
Do I hang in there or give up?

I can't believe people are saying a 64 year old is past it for sex. That is just so incredibly ageist.
I'd been very concerned that he's looking at pretty women and masturbating to porn while treating you so badly after just 2 years.
You are still young, not even 50. I'd be wondering whether this relationship is for me quite honestly.

I am SO sorry you’re going through this and it’s worse for you having a child together. At least in my case it’s easier to walk away. I’m glad you’re getting things organised though to make a break emotionally and financially

Thank you. There’s nothing wrong with his sex drive but just not directed at me sadly

Please leave him.

I plan to

Good luck OP its the right decision. This is all his doing. Being on his best behaviour knowing who he really is isn't acceptable so withholding it from you until he'd watched you give up your home and move in with him. He's a piece of work

In that case I suggest you tell him that you're going to look at porn and see his reaction.
Should be interesting.

The more I read posts from vibrant , intelligent women with woes in regard to the men in their life , it makes me wonder why we want them in our lives.
to you all .

Yet he constantly comments over and looks at pretty or sexy women whether on a screen or elsewhere

That alone would be enough for me to dump him.

End of the day, my problem here is I’m fighting to get his affection and attention. It shouldn’t be this hard especially when he was capable of being a caring loving person earlier on. Nothing I say or do is changing anything so it appears I end it or risk spending my life feeling empty

Get out while you can! He is far too old for you, and basically his retirement, in his mind, consists of him sitting there wanking. Why on earth would you put yourself through that?

He was totally different before. I’ve hung one hoping to get back to that version of him, the one I fell in love with.

I'm glad you've decided to get yourself out . You can start researching what you can afford . You are still young at 50 there's no need to hang around waiting for a change because I think things will only get worse . Hope you can get sorted soon and have some support IRL as it were !

That was the version of him that he used to attract you. It wasn't the real him. He would've known that if he'd tried to date you without showing you any affection, while refusing to have sex with you, while admitting to masturbating every day over porn, and to preferring to cuddle his dog than you, then you wouldn't have gone on the first date!

I’ve hung in there a while and kept hopeful, maybe been blaming myself to a degree for his behaviour. I feel miserable half the time so am better off leaving

18 months is about how long to start seeing the real person, and not the image that some people put on when trying to reel another in.

Hi, try to keep this short -
been with my husband 12 years married 2 years. Moved in after 3/4 years together.

Ive struggled with my MH for years, and not always held a job for long periods of time. But always worked.

he slowIy withdrawn sex from from our relationship, when he had to starting paying extra in the house, as I was on long term sick.

we bought our first house and the issues with money just got worse, until he then realised it would never been 50/50 as our wages were massively different.

he'd work two jobs, and I was forever alone in the house, which as you can imagine is lonely.
he was more interested in saving for a house and all other wonderful things than living in the moment.

fast forward 7 years were in our 2nd house, we've not been on holiday since 2014.
he's working harder than ever but we've not been intimate for 3/4 years.

the following reasons were tiredness, resentment for me not paying my way, now it's because it's been so long he's fearful of intimacy.

I feel im being punished, as tho it's I pay your half of the house but you get nothing else from me. Or I pay my way and I can have the man I first met back.

he's totally exhausted but he's always done crazy hours, yet im always the reason.

I don't no what I can do anymore, as I am now contributing but he seems to think intimacy will become natural again?

im at a point where do I want to be in a married where I have to earn the intimacy from my husband?

please help, he does a lot for me, but I also feel I've suffered as his wife, made to feel like such a burden.

You'd have to be a dog to want to stay so glad you are going to bow wow out now 🐶

@Ap1792

I think you'd get responses if you started your own thread instead of tagging into someone else's .
if you are a first time poster , you find the subject you want to post under , I suggest relationships , type in a title , then repost your question , that way you get your own thread with ( hopefully ) answers to your problem.

Ahhh I'm new to this thank you! X

It’s not going to get better.
The reasons for why he changed don’t matter, really. Point is - 15year difference at your age is huge. And you are in different phases of life.
Don’t waste your life on him.