Why do people want to get married these days?

[Sammy900]

This is off the back of a thread I started the other day pondering about dating behaviours these days and thinking about where it will lead to in the future...

As a bit of a back story, I've been with my partner for 12 years, we have children, shared assets, mirrored wills, I'm financially independent, so is he, we both work full-time and share childcare and household stuff 50/50-well I do more of the life admin and organising but you get the picture, neither of us are religious and we both love each other

There was one point where I really wanted to marry him and formally be his Mrs (even though I blatantly am already) and have a celebration of us.... he just kind of dangled the carrot and said we'll see but he was never overly fussed and I wouldn't want him to be forced into it I'm not like that, I've never really pushed it either

Now I feel differently, I've seen lots of people have a terrible time during divorce and when we discuss it now.. I can't see the benefits other than a lovely day, celebration, neither of us really need to get married as such

Looking at threads on here, it seems to be half and half, some valuing marriage and committed relationships, others saying it ties you down and is old- fashioned, that life isn't like that anymore now that we have more freedom

I was just wondering why do people want to get married these days?

Well your not his Mrs lol your still a Miss. Either way it's down to the old commitment,love and it's for life which I adore in my marriage

I never wanted to get married. Then I met my now fiancé. He never wanted to get married again (divorced). But for us both this relationship means so much we want to be married to each other. I can't really explain it but it feels right. We aren't having a big fancy do but an intimate celebration with close family.

It's letting each other, your families and friends, official bodies know that this person is so important to you that you want to make an emotional and legal commitment to them for life.

It's the best foundation on which to raise a family.

Husband/wife is more definitive than partner.

Why does anyone ever enter any contract instead of keeping things informal?

Why he a Ltd Co when you can be a partnership or sole trader?

Tax, formality, safety, personal preference....

I guess (don't

Know married long time) they like being officially a relative.

Mirrored wills can be changed without the other partner's knowledge.

Inheritance tax especially where house prices are high.

Pensions and inheriting an occupational pension . Most allow a partner to be nominated for a lump sum but only pay a pension to a legal spouse.

Legal right to make horrific decisions about end of life care - switching off a life support for example. Currently that right sits with your parents not your partner.

Marriage is both a sign of lasting commitment and an important legal contract. Instead of 'why bother ?' My question to you ,when you have children together would be 'why not ?' . A refusal to marry the mother of my children smacks of 'not sure yet - and if someone better came along then he can exit with absolutely no legal costs at all and if he has the kids 50/50 then that means not even child support. It's just too easy.

You don't need a fancy wedding. You don't need a big hoohah. A midweek registration costs £232 .Which is a whole pile of legal protection for your family. Why would you not want that. ?

Marriage is a formal legal contract. It isn’t about romance or morality. It is like setting up a business. It lets the government recognize your relationship as a financial and legal unit and that comes with certain advantages.

statistically, the people who still tend to do things the old fashioned way and get married and then have children are highly educated and higher earners. It is not a demographic who marries for religious or moral reasons. It is a demographic that marries because that legal contract is a rational choice. It is a system that is working very well for the groups that still use it.

Good question! Personally I've always been pro marriage but nowadays? I'd say you'd have to be mad to get married if you're young, financially independent, I'm talking of the younger generation specifically.

The latest stats show nearly half of marriages in uk end in divorce, would you buy a house if you were told there was a 50% chance of it falling down?

I just think the whole climate has changed, we live in an era of dating apps and people getting bored and checking out of relationships at the drop of a hat. I think of my parents generation and people sticking together through good times and tough times. We're not living in those times any more. You only have to read the threads on here about - he's a great dad but.. spark has gone, bored - and the consensus of life's too short etc. I just think we have these unrealistic expectations of marriage and a ridiculously high divorce rate that says it all really.

Other than love I got married becauase:

1. I don't want a huge tax bill if my husband dies before me which could force me to sell our family home to pay it. (No inheritance tax between spouses).

1. Whilst I am financially independent I prefer the additional legal protection on being able to make a financial claim on divorce if required. Circumstances change.

There are endless women on here who get screwed over having thought it would never happen to them.

If I didn't want a wedding I would just nip down the town hall. You can get the same protection as civil partners if you don't like the marriage label.

We've been together for 35 years. We're thinking about a quicky wedding this year just to protect pensions and make it easier when one of us dies.

It's nothing romantic. It's just a legal contract. We probably won't even tell anyone.

If you're on if the tiny minority likely to be affected by inheritance tax then that's a good financial reason. Apart from that- nope.

Often there is one parent that works less or takes the bigger career impact on having children. Sounds like that's not the case for the OP, but when it is, marriage is advantageous for them. I know people who have got married in later life after decades together, because ill health and death is also easier to navigate if you're married. There's a very specific definition of next of kin, and it only includes those in a marriage/civil partnership. It also has inheritance advantages and makes probate easier.

Inheritance tax. Financial protection.

This. Plus social conditioning and big business marketing.

Just before my final exams at university I had this mad idea thar I didn't need to do them, I'd studies for the degree and learnt a lot, so why did I need the bit of paper? Totally mad, of course, and I did sit the exams.

I have been married for many years, personally for me, I would not have had children without being married. I would not want my children to have a difficult surname to me. Being married gives protection legally should things you wrong. If you have financial assets together, why not get married? I can’t see any advantages of why you wouldn’t.

Most people aren't on such an equal footing. We agreed that I would reduce my hours while the children are small so I have earned a fair bit less than I otherwise would have over the last 7 years. Marriage offers a bit more protection in this scenario should we split. There are always threads on here where unmarried couples split and the woman is absolutely screwed, left earning a pittance and holding the baby, while he can swan off and continue the career she has facilitated.

Yes, I've noticed that. People talk the 1960's and walk the 1950's.

I got married at the registry office, took around ten minutes or so. Very quick ceremony. It was just a formality in my eyes, wasn't interested in a fancy wedding day like many out there. Been married 16 years with four DC.

Reasons for getting a marriage certificate means legal protection if I need a next of kin, or vice versa if very unwell in hospital. It offers financial security, same with pension security if DH dies before I do etc. If you are thinking about this properly, take romance out if the equation, you will do the simple deed of getting married. Takes a matter of minutes of your time.

For us, it was just between us. No showing off for family or friends. Hence we eloped. 30 years on, still just as married.

Of you've got joint assets and children any separation is going to be complicated whether you are married or not but it's easier for 1 partner to screw the other over if you aren't married.

Do you have same surname as your children?

Inheritance tax could affect being able to stay in your home when one of you dies.

At the time I got married it was because we wanted to formally connect ourselves and extended families. Since then we've had many ups and downs and there have been times during the tough periods when I've thought about my wedding vows, considered divorce and then thought "no, I'll work on this" and honour my marriage contract.

I still believe in my vows, its the reason I rarely take off my wedding ring. It reminds me of the commitment I've made and what I need to work on and get from my relationship.

Love the idea that by not getting married you're going to avoid the pain of divorce .. aka splitting up.

Why wouldn't you get married to the man you wanted to have DC with? What are you trying to achieve there?

We went to the registry office, got 2 randoms off the street for witnesses. Dress was 150 off ebay. DH wore his work suit. Overall cost maybe 450 inc the holiday inn where we stayed the nt before! We are legally protected and so are our DC, it's a no brainer.

splitting up when not married is not going to be less painful or than divorce. If anything, there’s a clear legal framework for divorce which could make the formalities easier.