Why do people want to get married these days?

[Sammy900]

This is off the back of a thread I started the other day pondering about dating behaviours these days and thinking about where it will lead to in the future...

As a bit of a back story, I've been with my partner for 12 years, we have children, shared assets, mirrored wills, I'm financially independent, so is he, we both work full-time and share childcare and household stuff 50/50-well I do more of the life admin and organising but you get the picture, neither of us are religious and we both love each other

There was one point where I really wanted to marry him and formally be his Mrs (even though I blatantly am already) and have a celebration of us.... he just kind of dangled the carrot and said we'll see but he was never overly fussed and I wouldn't want him to be forced into it I'm not like that, I've never really pushed it either

Now I feel differently, I've seen lots of people have a terrible time during divorce and when we discuss it now.. I can't see the benefits other than a lovely day, celebration, neither of us really need to get married as such

Looking at threads on here, it seems to be half and half, some valuing marriage and committed relationships, others saying it ties you down and is old- fashioned, that life isn't like that anymore now that we have more freedom

I was just wondering why do people want to get married these days?

For money

Because it can lead to potential financial disasters that are extremely difficult to extricate oneself from.

As much caution should be applied first time and any subsequent times imo! People are talking about inheritance in terms of if spouse died it can go to other half I think (without inheritance tax) as opposed to inheritance to kids. I don't see how inheritance to kids is effected really married or not married, it's what you put in your will and will be subject to inheritance tax.

In the past woman often benefitted most from getting married (financially) as men usually earned more, and woman often stayed at home more to look after kids. Nowadays (in my circles of friends anyway) it seems to be the otherway around - woman earning more and working more. Add into that if one person has family wealth too and you open yourself up to being massively f*** over financially if you decide to get divorced!

I would just say don't do it just for 'love / a party / the dress / because it's the next step'. Think about how you would come off financially if things did fall apart.

As in reality that's the only part of the contract which can be upheld by law.

I'm not arguing with you, you raised some excellent points. Of course people seek caution the first time around. Things break down though obviously nobody plans to get married twice. You can't plan your husband dying and being left with kids... you need to see it for all points of view not just your own.

I guess it's just about weighing up the risks. And not being blind to the fact that things can and often do go wrong. People can make sure they have a will so money will go to partner if they suddenly died, you don't need to be married (although get the point about it being taxed more if not married). If you're a higher earner than partner and or have more savings (like the OP) I think risk is greater that you'll spilt and lose out financially, than them dying on you and you being left in the lerch.

@Ilikepinacoladass exactly! I think I'm being sensible looking at what might happen if we had a messy divorce in the future financially for me. Is it then worth just not getting married, he doesn't really want to and we are (currently) in it for long term..but things change in the future as people have pointed out, anything could happen really, not just ill health, what if we split up, etc - so I'm just trying to weigh up the real term pros and cons and what would be the benefits or disadvantages in my situation ...like I say I'm not after someone elses financial security now or in the future as I've sorted it myself...inheritance tax is an arse - how can I get around that if we don't marry? - we are 50/50 joint owners of our property and have left the rest to each other in our mirrored wills, if one of us becomes ill, we've got 7 years to gift the other person their share before we cop it 😆..if we end up being rich between us then we might just have to get married

Right I've got it, the pennies finally dropped! I've got a plan (thanks to everyones help and advice too)

1)I'm going to nominate my O/H to recieve a dependents pensions should I die, and he should do the same if he ever sorts a pension out (this can be changed if you split up, get a different partner, just want it to go to your kids etc in the future)
2) If we ever get really seriously ill or dependent, off work, get married pronto
3) If we ever get really rich, get married
4) Look into mutual P.O.A for health and finances

Otherwise stay as we are :D

If you did end up wanting to get married, you could speak to a solicitor about prenup to protect yourself maybe.

After 8 years I wasn't too bothered about marriage (my second),but the inheritance tax advantages meant we decided it would better to be married and just make things easier. Doesn't need to be a fuss if you get married.

Hi I’m just reading through what people have put and I understand most people want security. But I am noticing that people are saying that it’s the woman that it protects when getting married. I’m due to get married next year . My partner has a well paid job but no assets. I’m a woman who owns a house on my own . So where does that leave me ? Who is better financially should anything go wrong . You hear that it’s men that have the house car ect but in my case it’s me .I want to get married because I love my partner and I’m hoping we have children so would like to be married before we have them .

Have you not read the hundreds of posts on here about how the partner gets screwed over when one leaves? You say you are financially independent but would you be if you only had one wage to live on?

As others have said it is a business arrangement more than a religious one nowadays. But it's your decision, as long as you are well aware what could happen if he left (or died)

I think you should start your own thread Bigheart36 to get the advice you seek about your circumstances. This is an old thread and lots of people won't bother reading past the ist few posts.

I’m 43, I wouldn’t have had children before I was married. I needed that security and commitment first. For me it’s an official way of declaring our commitment. We had a big wedding which I know are often frowned upon on here, but if the marriage lasts, no one regrets having a big day.

I know it means nothing, but I would hate at my age to introduce my DH, as a partner or boyfriend and I like all five of us having the same name. I know it doesn’t matter, but I’m quite traditional.

@Bigheart36 if I had my own house I wouldn't be getting married. No way I'd risk losing it and my children's asset.

I do have my own house but I share it with DP. I'd buy him out if we separated and keep it. That's my security so any future man would not put that at risk. There is case law where people have not been married and contributed and then got a share of the house so the risk is never gone but I'd do all I could to protect.

There are lots of posts on here saying if he won't commit and marry you then you need to break up

Not everyone couple wants to get married

@Moveoverdarlin Same here with us being what some would term quite old fashioned. I also knew all about the tax implications, which now with the house and assets means we would be liable for inheritance tax if not married.