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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How does this message read ? Want to be sure we're on same page

135 replies

fhiuredch · 27/07/2023 15:04

but I just want to be 100% clear this time so there’s no room for confusion or upset again!!! And we’re on the same page.

I know you have loads going on and I really do understand that but I do want to spend some time with you and maybe get the occasional date/wine & chill 😉 night when time allows!! If we can go back to how it was a few weeks back with our usual contact (I’m not happy I haven’t had my good morning text in the last month 😔and I hate feeling like I shouldn’t text… never used to worry about it before) and seeing each other when we can then great I’m all for it 😍

I know you can’t give me everything/a lot at present and if all you can do for the moment is more casual then I’m happy to just be “seeing you” but… if I’m seeing/sleeping with someone regularly for a prolonged period of time then I do expect the same respect, exclusivity and loyalty that I’m giving them, because you will 100% be getting it from me.

But please be perfectly clear that if you are talking, dating, sleeping with others then I can NOT do this! You know I like you a lot and I don’t deserve to be hurt like that. I am a really really good person who doesn’t sleep around and deserves more than that.

Obviously I know you’ve recently signed up to bumble so if I’m not enough to keep you happy and satisfied 🤷‍♀️ and your intention is just to have me on the side while your looking for what you do want or just to sleep with as many girls as you can then I can not do this!!!! So the kindest thing you could do in that instance would be not to reply to this, block me and just let me get over you xx

OP posts:
Janieforever · 27/07/2023 15:06

Goodness that’s a lot. And so many exclamation marks. It comes over very needy.

just send, “hey want to confirm what you’re looking for. If it’s just casual and seeing other folks I’m out. But if you want exclusive give me a shout. “

same thing. Less needy and less cringey.

Original poster
fhiuredch · 27/07/2023 15:06

The bumble bit was in a period of separation, obviously hoping he will be deleting that now he's reached out to get back together

OP posts:
YouPistonWhat · 27/07/2023 15:06

I don’t think you should send that. Sorry, it seems things may have run their course already and it comes across as a little desperate.

Pinkbonbon · 27/07/2023 15:07

Don't do it.
He's just not that into you.

Let him go. Don't grovel for table crumbs.

Burnamer · 27/07/2023 15:08

your message says

”please feel free to sleep with me and use for some fun as and when you feel like it without any commitment or expectation. I will accept these crumbs. I won’t be able to complain when you don’t commit as you have been very clear that you are seeking other partners. I don’t have much self esteem so I won’t stand up for myself and I will bend over backwards to make you happy when you do see me.”

ButtonSister · 27/07/2023 15:08

No don't send that, end the relationship with dignity

Titicacacandle · 27/07/2023 15:08

Yeah don't send that OP. What PP said to write was perfect but really if you're having to say anything then it's time to move on.

Blondey2023 · 27/07/2023 15:08

Far far too long. Need to be more to the point. But ultimately this person is not for you by the sounds of it.

Janieforever · 27/07/2023 15:09

fhiuredch · 27/07/2023 15:06

The bumble bit was in a period of separation, obviously hoping he will be deleting that now he's reached out to get back together

But he’s told you it’s just casual. You want exclusive.

honestly don’t send that, keep your dignity. If he wasn’t sure before that message will send him running fast.

SamW98 · 27/07/2023 15:09

Please don’t send that message.

It’s good you’ve typed it and got your feelings out but now delete it along with his number and move on.

Boudiccabitesback · 27/07/2023 15:09

If you haven't been together long I would think the relationship sounds like hard work and he likes the thrill of the chase.
Maybe don't make yourself so available and see what happens?
Personally I wouldn’t send that.
Good luck 🌺

Catlord · 27/07/2023 15:12

Why do you think he would have joined Bumble other than to speak to/ meet other women? I think you will thank yourself in the future if you act decisively here and cut things off yourself rather than give him a range of options to choose from other than proactively wanting to make you his priority. Sounds like he's not particularly keen and doesn't make time for you. He doesn't need to confirm that in writing- it's you who decides where your expectations sit and acts accordingly if a date doesn't meet them. If you were genuinely ok with casual meetups you wouldn't be asking for morning text messages or really care if he dated others. I'm not being harsh, you deserve better.

blisstwins · 27/07/2023 15:12

Good you wrote it.
now burn it and be done
this message will not have your desired effect

QueenAstrid · 27/07/2023 15:13

You want more, and you’re worth more than what he’s currently offering. If you need to ask for clarification then it’s not right. If he wanted you, you’d know.

Delete and block and get over him. Then you’ll be available and ready for the person who wants the same thing as you.

YoSof · 27/07/2023 15:13

God no.

Pick your dignity up of the floor, you are basically telling him you’ll accept whatever scraps he will throw you when you already know you want more.

billy1966 · 27/07/2023 15:13

Please delete it and his number.

He's not that into you.

You deserve better.

Keep your dignity.

If you are determined to chase him @Janieforever message is best.

But honestly, don't.

continentallentil · 27/07/2023 15:14

There’s so much I don’t know what you are trying to say and all the ! and emojis are twee and needy.

Just have a conversation with him if you really think there’s life in it, but truthfully it sounds like he wants a booty call and you want a relationship or at least FWB w relationship potential, so I’d just drop it if I were you.

Pinkbonbon · 27/07/2023 15:14

Honestly it reads as 'I'm extremely vulnerable and think you might be a predator. If you are, don't exploit me'. Absolutely pointless sending that to someone who fucking you over already.

Boundaries are not things we set for other people. They are things we set for ourselves and the treatment we will accept.

Don't ask a lion to stop chewing on your leg. Just run.

DaftyLass · 27/07/2023 15:14

He wants casual, not exclusive
You want slow/causal but also exclusive
This isn't working, and won't work longer term

LavenderLaughs · 27/07/2023 15:15

If you were my friend I would take your phone from you and eat it before I let you send that message

Swansandcustard · 27/07/2023 15:15

Janieforever · 27/07/2023 15:06

Goodness that’s a lot. And so many exclamation marks. It comes over very needy.

just send, “hey want to confirm what you’re looking for. If it’s just casual and seeing other folks I’m out. But if you want exclusive give me a shout. “

same thing. Less needy and less cringey.

This. Use @Janieforever’s suggestion for a message. My body turned inside out with so much cringe from your version.

Pinkbonbon · 27/07/2023 15:17

LavenderLaughs · 27/07/2023 15:15

If you were my friend I would take your phone from you and eat it before I let you send that message

This!

In the fire with it and you'd be getting a slap to shake you out of it xD

Philandbill · 27/07/2023 15:19

If you feel that you need to send that message then that should tell you that this isn't working. Throw this fish back into the sea, he's not worth it.

HarrietJet · 27/07/2023 15:19

I know you can’t give me everything/a lot at present and if all you can do for the moment is more casual then I’m happy to just be “seeing you”
Please, op, find your self respect.

ChilliPixie · 27/07/2023 15:23

Definitely don't send that - its too much.

In reality it doesn't sound like you both are on the same page - you want exclusivity and he wants "fun". You are accepting crumbs from him. Why would you do that to yourself?? You deserve more/better than that.

Seriously consider ending whatever this is because its only going to cause you more confusion and heartache in the long run if you try and keep it going.

When you both want the same thing its easy and there is no second-guessing, it just flows naturally.