Keeping the baby?

[Toomuchwine89]

Please, no judgement. My head is all over the place.

I'm pregnant from basically a one night stand, very early days. The dad is a lot younger than me, skint and is adamant he doesn't want the baby. I've actually ended up blocking him now as he got quite nasty.

I was also adamant I didn't want the baby and I'm booked in to take the abortion pills at home. I already have several children, I'm going through a divorce and family court with an abusive man, I'm hoping to move a couple of hours away (waiting for court to approve). I get very sick when I'm pregnant. I'd only just started to get my life back together (can leave teens with younger ones while I nip out, started the gym, due to start a degree in September, seeing friends more etc etc).

I know it's probably hormones... but it's 1 week today since I found out and as each day passes I'm leaning more towards keeping the baby. My ex husband had the snip and I was really upset at the time thinking that I'd never have another baby. And now, there's one growing inside me? But then what if the dad finds out and drags me through court and things? I can't do all that again.

Help :(

Op you seem so vulnerable and as a result your children are too.

I wish you the best of luck.

You've said you think well of yourself 'until you start dating'. Have you considered taking yourself OUT of the dating pool? Not being snotty, I'm serious. You don't need a man, no woman 'needs' a man. If we stumble across a 'good 'un', fine. But we don't need to search one out to survive or to prove our worth.

You put all your 'worth' in the hands of men, and it appears to be untrustworthy ones at that. I used to do that too. It took abuse and heartbreak to finally send me to 18 mos of therapy specifically to figure out why I chose such shit men and how to stop doing it. But I got there after quite a few tears and a lot of brutal honesty. I was painful but so worth it in the end.

As far as this 'new man', please don't read anything into his gestures. Maybe he's being nice, maybe he has an ulterior motive. But in reality, bringing some food and keeping you company isn't anything all that special. Friends to that for friends all the time. Try to keep a bit of skepticism in your head and keep your heart firmly closed. At least for now. You're very vulnerable and easily taken advantage of and/or prone to fooling yourself.

I don't need a man, but I like this one. If it doesn't work out then fine.

I only meant he's a "star", as in, he drove an hour one way to be with me while I go through an abortion. Not his baby, not his problem.

I'm FULL of scepticism. It drives people mad!

op
i'm sorry but asking on mumsnet what to do is going to confuse you even more and none of us on here have the right to tell you what to do with your own baby. you really need to speak to your gp and get them to help you with midwives etc. this is a choice you will have to make alone and it is not for us on a forum to say what's best for you. only you will know that. the dad also cannot tell you what to do with your baby and your body. i feel for you truly as it's such a hard decision but none here is in your shoes. speak to the professionals and see what you think then.

I don't need a man, but I like this one

Like your 6 kids more.

No. They're so irritating

I suggest you read the full thread.

This new man who drove an hour to see you through a termination and brought you snacks. How well do you know him?
Well enough to introduce him to your children?

If he's so far away and you having 6 kids, how many times have you met him?

Who is looking after your kids?

This is one of the saddest threads I've read.

You don’t need a new man in your life, what you actually need is NO man in your life for a while until you and your children regain some stability, predictability and safety. Your difficult life story may not be your fault but you are accountable to the children you already have to give them a stable family experience, with a present parent.
You can do it OP!

You need to read the thread.

Op literally had written she had taken the tablets, there is no baby, there was some cells, but there are not now.

This is such manipulative, guilt-mongering utter bullshit.

There were non-sentient cells, byproduct of a bodily function, no more a baby than your latest bowel movement.

Our bodies rid themselves of fertilized eggs all the time. It's a feature, not a bug. If our minds rather than our uteri make the decision, there is no difference.

This is the post I was referring to when I spoke about putting all your 'worth' into a man. These are your own words;

Toomuchwine89 · 27/07/2023 19:46
I do see my worth until I start dating.

If for whatever reason dating causes you to think less of yourself, you need to stop dating until you get that figured out and find a solution. Dating shouldn't change the way you feel about yourself. If someone we're seeing makes us feel 'bad' (whether it's caused by them or by our own insecurities) we need to stop seeing them.

Utter rubbish. Maintenance does not affect benefits