Keeping the baby?

[Toomuchwine89]

Please, no judgement. My head is all over the place.

I'm pregnant from basically a one night stand, very early days. The dad is a lot younger than me, skint and is adamant he doesn't want the baby. I've actually ended up blocking him now as he got quite nasty.

I was also adamant I didn't want the baby and I'm booked in to take the abortion pills at home. I already have several children, I'm going through a divorce and family court with an abusive man, I'm hoping to move a couple of hours away (waiting for court to approve). I get very sick when I'm pregnant. I'd only just started to get my life back together (can leave teens with younger ones while I nip out, started the gym, due to start a degree in September, seeing friends more etc etc).

I know it's probably hormones... but it's 1 week today since I found out and as each day passes I'm leaning more towards keeping the baby. My ex husband had the snip and I was really upset at the time thinking that I'd never have another baby. And now, there's one growing inside me? But then what if the dad finds out and drags me through court and things? I can't do all that again.

Help :(

At this stage it's just a bunch of cells best take the pills ASAP don't keep them until your further along

Is there anyone IRL you can reach out to help you make this decision?

That's good. I hated the shitstorm that followed having to do that. But I suppose the introduction of the benefit cap saves more money than taking maintenance off penny for penny when there are often more children.

I didn't realise that this was being posted by somebody with quite so many disastrous relationships or children, especially somebody who is very much at the point where she would have ordinarily had another baby by now because it's what she's always done as they've grown more independent.

I think this was a choice that was already made when she got on the dating apps and the OU enrolment was a 'safe, disposable' way to be doing something different when there wasn't a possibility of having a 7th newborn to give meaning, purpose and identity/love without capability to say no like a 2-3 year old starts doing. And now it's not necessary to find any identity other than being a Mum of a very large family for another 3-4 years.

I do hope she's far away enough from her most recent ex husband that he doesn't find out about it, though. Because after months in a refuge and the way he wanted to take the youngest children away/get her back to continue abuse/stop her moving, it doesn't sound like he would take the news well once she starts showing.

Be protective over your choices. Be protective over your happiness and thag of your children. Don't make a decision like this in order to please or snub strangers on the Internet.

Yes.

But I also disagree that people were telling you to 'get rid', OP.

You are in a very precarious position and the responses were specific to that with the intention of protecting the you and 6 children who deserve some peace and stability. None of you need another baby to be thrown into the mix.

There are several recommendations to get therapy to address underlying issues, which I truly believe you should follow.

You have made, and taken action towards, changes that will impact positively and hugely on your confidence, self esteem and life choices going forwards.

People haven't advocated you going through with the termination you had already planned because they don't care about you but because they do.

Loved your answer here!

Hi op your in a very emotional situation now why not take a few days out to decide what's best it's OK people saying termination or keep baby I have a little understanding how hard it is to have 7 children and try to study and be the best mum it's hard but I'm sure you could do it I wish you the best of luck

This 💯

Didn’t do It. You can’t have a baby in this situation. Look after yourself and I’m sure you’ll have another opportunity in a loving relationship

Ok - so you can see its going to be hard

Lets talk logisitics
FOR
Might be last chance (but already have 6 and only 34)
Nice to have cuddles with a baby (but they grow up)
Someone to love (you have 6 dc already)

AGAINST
Money (unable to work while new born so no money coming in, no support from the sperm donor)
Planned degree cancelled
Already have 6 children
'Father' is not/and does not want to be involved NOW
Negative emotional effect on existing dc ("Why does she want to make our lives harder?" "Arent we enough?" etc)

You need to go to therapy and learn to love YOU. You are worth it, you deserve a good life

Well I've taken all of the tablets so it's just a waiting game now 🤷‍♀️

Hope you're ok - you have a massive amount of support from the posters here. You've got this, you are doing the right thing for you and your family x

Thank you. The guy I'm seeing is coming to be with me, and is bringing lots of nice food ❤️ he's a star.

It's been an hour and I have some random twinges of pain.

Bless you, OP.

I've thought about you a fair bit over the last few days. I'm glad you have someone with you and we are here too - albeit virtually!

Not wanting to minimise what you are going through today but keep your eye on the future prize. You've got this xx

well done darling, you have done the right thing and it will soon all be sorted out and you can get back to looking forward to uni and all the other exciting stuff that you so deserve xxxx

Unmumsnetty hugs x

Bless you, we all might not be there to hold your hand but we're with you in spirit.

Hope your afternoon isnt too horrible

are you binging some netflix? something easy to watch?

Thank you. I wish I could binge watch Netflix! Or do anything remotely comforting... but with six kids at home for the summer holidays, it's not going to happen unfortunately...

Lots of bleeding now

I doubt he is a star OP.

You worry me (in as much as an online stranger can)

I implore you to stop dating and seek therapy. You are so young yet have 6 children that need 100% of you. Said with kindness, but you aren't in any kind of position to be dating.

I hope today passes quickly for you. Once this does, focus on you and your kids and your study plans and building a future of full independence and empowerment - where having kids stops defining you and hindering your personal and professional growth.

It's not that healthy that somebody so new in your life - less than 7 weeks - is there with your children, even if you are actively looking after all of them whilst he sits down with the snacks, rather than him doing it or your older children are looking after the little ones whilst you're with him.

It's too much, way, way too soon.

Your first duty is to yourself and the children you actually have

im so sorry but this xxx

OP I think you could really benefit from
some therapy, your posts are quite concerning and you seem very vulnerable. I get the sense you are seeking love through men and babies, please try to get some therapy/counselling so you don’t keep repeating the same patterns. You and your kids deserve more.

I've had lots of therapy but thank you.

Oh piss off