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Original poster

Keeping the baby?

169 replies

Toomuchwine89 · 27/07/2023 09:25

Please, no judgement. My head is all over the place.

I'm pregnant from basically a one night stand, very early days. The dad is a lot younger than me, skint and is adamant he doesn't want the baby. I've actually ended up blocking him now as he got quite nasty.

I was also adamant I didn't want the baby and I'm booked in to take the abortion pills at home. I already have several children, I'm going through a divorce and family court with an abusive man, I'm hoping to move a couple of hours away (waiting for court to approve). I get very sick when I'm pregnant. I'd only just started to get my life back together (can leave teens with younger ones while I nip out, started the gym, due to start a degree in September, seeing friends more etc etc).

I know it's probably hormones... but it's 1 week today since I found out and as each day passes I'm leaning more towards keeping the baby. My ex husband had the snip and I was really upset at the time thinking that I'd never have another baby. And now, there's one growing inside me? But then what if the dad finds out and drags me through court and things? I can't do all that again.

Help :(

OP posts:
startingover202 · 27/07/2023 19:38

And please stop placing your value on having a man and baring their children.

You are worth so much more.

Original poster
Toomuchwine89 · 27/07/2023 19:39

startingover202 · 27/07/2023 19:38

And please stop placing your value on having a man and baring their children.

You are worth so much more.

I'm not sure that I am worth more, but thank you x

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 27/07/2023 19:39

startingover202 is right. You are so very vulnerable at the moment.

With respect to you, a decent man would see that you weren't in a good place and not in the right place for a relationship at the moment and back off. His words weren't indicative of a man who cares but of one who doesn't.

You have 6 beautiful children. You have a new chapter of life opening up before you. When that is underway, then you mighteet a man who is worthy of you and your children - a man who deserves to be in your life.

A man who chooses you when you are quite clearly vulnerable is a predator and not someone who is right for you.

You don't need a man. Not right now. You are a warrior. Everything you need lies within you. You just need to see that.

GreyCarpet · 27/07/2023 19:43

I'm not sure that I am worth more, but thank you x

There have been times when people have said similar to me. And I've scoffed and disregarded what they said. They didn't know me. How could they know my worth?

They were right of course.

But before I could see that, I didn't think in terms of what I was 'worth' because it was too difficult. I thought in terms of what my children were worth.

Of course you are worth more. You just can't see it at the moment.

Original poster
Toomuchwine89 · 27/07/2023 19:46

I do see my worth until I start dating.

OP posts:
Whataretheodds · 27/07/2023 19:52

Toomuchwine89 · 27/07/2023 19:46

I do see my worth until I start dating.

Oh OP, you are worth so much more. You do not need to have this baby to prove you are worth something. You do not need to have a child that will be totally dependent on you for a while to be worthy of love and attention.

You are already enough.

Look at this future you have dreamed of, going to uni and taking control of your life. You are worthy of that. You are worthy of that.

Original poster
Toomuchwine89 · 27/07/2023 19:57

Whataretheodds · 27/07/2023 19:52

Oh OP, you are worth so much more. You do not need to have this baby to prove you are worth something. You do not need to have a child that will be totally dependent on you for a while to be worthy of love and attention.

You are already enough.

Look at this future you have dreamed of, going to uni and taking control of your life. You are worthy of that. You are worthy of that.

Show quote history

Oh thank you 🥹 your words mean so much.

The future I had planned was amazing. I will get there eventually x

OP posts:
startingover202 · 27/07/2023 19:59

You are dating the wrong men.

Once you start uni you will be surprised how much you will gain in confidence and strength.

Dating will be the last thing on your mind and your independence will grow.

These men are holding you back.

There is so much more waiting for you. You can do it

startingover202 · 27/07/2023 20:02

And don't say the future you had planned was amazing.

The future you are planning is amazing

vernonb · 27/07/2023 20:25

OP! For the sake of the unborn child!! Please do not bring this child in to the world if his dad has rejected him. There is a very high risk that after he is born, his dad will continue to reject him and deny him throughout his entire life! There is a high risk that the father will blame you for being selfish which the unborn child will carry with him as unresolved feelings of guilt, shame, disappointed, frustration with yourself, anger and desperate lack of self-worth.
The emotional scars are unfixable. No therapy will take these away.
Potentially the consequences of your actions now will be damaging for the individual entire life and can potentially extend to his immediate family. And this can happen despite all the love you are willing to chuck at this child! There is no cure for rejection from a parent.

Please OP, you can't be selfish. Stop this nonsense right now.

Original poster
Toomuchwine89 · 27/07/2023 20:27

vernonb · 27/07/2023 20:25

OP! For the sake of the unborn child!! Please do not bring this child in to the world if his dad has rejected him. There is a very high risk that after he is born, his dad will continue to reject him and deny him throughout his entire life! There is a high risk that the father will blame you for being selfish which the unborn child will carry with him as unresolved feelings of guilt, shame, disappointed, frustration with yourself, anger and desperate lack of self-worth.
The emotional scars are unfixable. No therapy will take these away.
Potentially the consequences of your actions now will be damaging for the individual entire life and can potentially extend to his immediate family. And this can happen despite all the love you are willing to chuck at this child! There is no cure for rejection from a parent.

Please OP, you can't be selfish. Stop this nonsense right now.

Thanks for your input

OP posts:
Original poster
Toomuchwine89 · 27/07/2023 20:28

startingover202 · 27/07/2023 19:59

You are dating the wrong men.

Once you start uni you will be surprised how much you will gain in confidence and strength.

Dating will be the last thing on your mind and your independence will grow.

These men are holding you back.

There is so much more waiting for you. You can do it

I did gain a lot of confidence after leaving ex and going into refuge. I saw friends again, found hobbies, joined the gym, applied for Law degree.

Then I was a bit drunk on my birthday, joined dating sites for a laugh and here we are.

OP posts:
rosewatergin · 27/07/2023 21:07

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Whataretheodds · 27/07/2023 21:11

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

That's unfair and a reach. Nowhere has OP said she'd be happy about it.

NadjaCravensworth1 · 27/07/2023 21:15

You have lots of different views on this thread OP, maybe your instinctive response to them can help you realise how you are really feeling? Nobody can make the decision for you, I hope you have lots of support whatever you decide x

startingover202 · 27/07/2023 21:21

Op is not happily having an abortion.

If that was the case she would've just done it.

Tatzelwyrm · 27/07/2023 21:28

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Excuse me???????how bloody dare you judge op for wanting to terminate a pg?

Have you had an empathy bypass?? Op has men abusing her, so back off

Clearly op is not "happily having an abortion" she's in bits. Even if she was happily having an abortion, that's got sod all to do with anyone else apart from op

Original poster
Toomuchwine89 · 27/07/2023 21:56

I didn't see that reply, maybe for the best? But no I'm not happy about it.

The people on here telling me to get rid are making me feel more protective over it, if I'm honest!

OP posts:
pillsthrillsandbellyache · 27/07/2023 21:56

My God woman I could shake you! Do you not see how strong you are? You have carried SIX children and survived an abusive relationship. You are wonder woman! Stop seeing your worth in men and babies. YOU are enough, you sound awesome. The plans you have made and actually putting into action... do you know how many people are capable of following their dreams? Yet here you are doing it.
Put you and your children first. Lay off men for a while and you won't go far wrong. Please, go look at yourself in a mirror and tell yourself what a strong, amazing woman you really are.
Good luck with everything and fwiw, I think you are making the right decision. Let yourself hurt, then pick yourself up and run towards that amazing future you have planned.

Original poster
Toomuchwine89 · 27/07/2023 21:58

pillsthrillsandbellyache · 27/07/2023 21:56

My God woman I could shake you! Do you not see how strong you are? You have carried SIX children and survived an abusive relationship. You are wonder woman! Stop seeing your worth in men and babies. YOU are enough, you sound awesome. The plans you have made and actually putting into action... do you know how many people are capable of following their dreams? Yet here you are doing it.
Put you and your children first. Lay off men for a while and you won't go far wrong. Please, go look at yourself in a mirror and tell yourself what a strong, amazing woman you really are.
Good luck with everything and fwiw, I think you are making the right decision. Let yourself hurt, then pick yourself up and run towards that amazing future you have planned.

Thank you x

OP posts:
startingover202 · 27/07/2023 22:09

I don't think people are saying get rid. I'm not.

Just think of the 2 potential futures.

One, where you go for the degree, gain confidence and independence, gain a better future for yourself and your children.

Two, put everything on hold to have a baby to another arsehole and you and your children carry on in a cycle of chaos and abuse.

It's completely your decision.

Maybe you're scared of the unknown. Maybe having a baby is familiar for you and makes you feel safe and puts off the unknown.

I think you need to seek help to get your thoughts in order and work out why you keep repeating the same behaviours.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 27/07/2023 22:12

How do you intend to financially support 7 offspring?

Original poster
Toomuchwine89 · 27/07/2023 22:25

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 27/07/2023 22:12

How do you intend to financially support 7 offspring?

Probably with great difficulty. Did you want to donate?

OP posts:
Screwballs · 28/07/2023 08:05

Toomuchwine89 · 27/07/2023 22:25

Probably with great difficulty. Did you want to donate?

Show quote history

I'm taking this with good humour, you've a tough bit of time ahead OP, keep the humour where you can. This will pass, I genuinely think you are making the right decision. And it may feel that no one cares, but your 6 children do and will the older they get, they'll know who was there for them, they will respect, love and protect you, your life is going to be full of grand babies and probably great grand babies given how young you still are, you have so much joy and happiness to look forward to. I truly envy you x

Theunamedcat · 28/07/2023 08:13

NeverDropYourMooncup · 27/07/2023 10:09

Condition of making a claim for benefits.

Show quote history

Not anymore it isn't

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