Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Age on OLD profiles...

157 replies

Livelifelaughter · 25/07/2023 18:02

I have my age listed as 47 on my OLD profile and I am actually 54. In the messaging stage at say message number 2, I explain what my real age is. I also only consider men in the 50 -62 age group.
I have literally never had anyone think I am as old as my age, all my pictures are recent.
Most of the men I tell this to are surprised but nice about it.
I explain that it's because some men use age 50 as a cut off on the age selection profile, maybe I am wrong.
A guy messaged me today, and I told him my real age he was really annoyed and felt there was a big gap between my real age and my profile age, I don't think there is, and also he is 52....so we are two years apart, but he thought because of my age I might not keep up with him sexually...well he's wrong on that assumption - I have blocked him anyway. To what extent do you think men are bothered by age on dating apps and want to date youunger in their late 40s, 50s, 60s...

OP posts:
Farmageddon · 28/07/2023 16:33

Livelifelaughter · 28/07/2023 14:18

I am finding the backlash on this post incredible, the aggressive tone, the trying to catch me out "have you had a birthday" - yes..."would you date someone at 69 when you're 62" - er how do I know I am not that age. I hope all of you who have called me a liar can look at yourselves and ask whether you have ever told a lie. Parker are you male ?
And can we put this in context, I haven't lied about parties during COVID or nuclear weapons in Iraq...or had an affair to bring it to a MN level, I had put a false age on my dating profile, I haven't actually been on a single date IRL or OLD where the person meeting me hasn't met me. But fair enough, time to beat myself up and reflect on what an awful person I must be...must dash need to steal some sweets from children!

It's quite clear you don't think you've done anything wrong, so why bother asking? You were carrying on fine until some guy pointed out that what you did was deceptive.
Look, most people aren't going to defend someone lying about their age. You clearly think it's fine - so why do you care so much what the rest of MN thinks? You seem to want us all to justify it like you're doing to yourself.

Obviously your real age bothers you, which is why you keep insisting that you don't look it, and why you shaved 7 years off your age, and not just a few to get you into the under 50's age bracket.

In reality, we all justify our own little lies because we understand where the want to deceive comes from (insecurity etc.), whereas when we find out other people have lied we don't give them the same latitude.

PousseyNotMoira · 28/07/2023 16:34

Livelifelaughter · 28/07/2023 16:29

Really, how do you know?

Show quote history

How do I know what?

PousseyNotMoira · 28/07/2023 16:35

Farmageddon · 28/07/2023 16:33

It's quite clear you don't think you've done anything wrong, so why bother asking? You were carrying on fine until some guy pointed out that what you did was deceptive.
Look, most people aren't going to defend someone lying about their age. You clearly think it's fine - so why do you care so much what the rest of MN thinks? You seem to want us all to justify it like you're doing to yourself.

Obviously your real age bothers you, which is why you keep insisting that you don't look it, and why you shaved 7 years off your age, and not just a few to get you into the under 50's age bracket.

In reality, we all justify our own little lies because we understand where the want to deceive comes from (insecurity etc.), whereas when we find out other people have lied we don't give them the same latitude.

Show quote history

Agree with all of this.

Original poster
Livelifelaughter · 28/07/2023 16:48

PousseyNotMoira · 28/07/2023 16:35

Agree with all of this.

Show quote history

Of course, but I thought your view was this isn't a "little" lie ?

OP posts:
PousseyNotMoira · 28/07/2023 16:49

Livelifelaughter · 28/07/2023 16:48

Of course, but I thought your view was this isn't a "little" lie ?

Show quote history

Was that meant to be to me? As I never said anything of the kind. Are you mixing up posters?

Original poster
Livelifelaughter · 28/07/2023 16:51

PousseyNotMoira · 28/07/2023 16:34

How do I know what?

Show quote history

You suggested that my response to having enough replies from men without extending my age range was disingenuous and laughed...

OP posts:
ibelieveinmirrorballs · 28/07/2023 17:01

It’s not about whether you look younger than you are - age is about how old you actually are, not how good you look “for your age”. I’m 53 and although I think you’re right in that 50 probably is a cut off for many, I’m not interested in how old my prospective partner ‘looks’, I’m interested in how old he actually is. He could look 45, but if he’s actually 65 then I don’t want a partner that old.

Original poster
Livelifelaughter · 28/07/2023 17:02

PousseyNotMoira · 28/07/2023 16:49

Was that meant to be to me? As I never said anything of the kind. Are you mixing up posters?

Show quote history

Farmagedden refers to " little lies" and you agree with her no ?

OP posts:
PousseyNotMoira · 28/07/2023 17:12

Livelifelaughter · 28/07/2023 17:02

Farmagedden refers to " little lies" and you agree with her no ?

Show quote history

Indeed. I’m asking where I said it isn’t a little lie. Where have I expressed that view?

PousseyNotMoira · 28/07/2023 17:15

Livelifelaughter · 28/07/2023 16:51

You suggested that my response to having enough replies from men without extending my age range was disingenuous and laughed...

Show quote history

Do you know what the word ‘disingenuous’ means?

Original poster
Livelifelaughter · 28/07/2023 17:15

I am going to end my participation in the post.
I am surprised by some of the responses. I didn't expect everyone to agree. I do feel that it's got a bit lost, or perhaps not, that this isn't a sustained lie, literally every person I have met knows my age before they give up their time to see me; no one is being deceived on that score. When I meet men in real life I even tell them before the date because I am aware they probably think I am younger than I am and I may well be quite a lot older than them.
I am surprised that so many posters support that it's a man's entitlement to be with women younger than their own age - to those people I say beware what goes around comes around.
I know I am repeating myself when I say this but the men on the dating sites don't mind (with the exception). I don't expect you to believe this but I am off on a date this evening .

OP posts:
PousseyNotMoira · 28/07/2023 17:22

I am surprised that so many posters support that it's a man's entitlement to be with women younger than their own age

Literally nobody has said this. No one is entitled to be with anyone. They’re entitled to want to be with whoever they wish and set any criteria (including age) that they like. It doesn’t mean they’re going to get younger women. They’re entitled to want to date Rihanna, if they like. It doesn’t mean they stand a chance.

What people are saying is that you aren’t entitled to lie to circumvent criteria that would exclude you. Nobody is. If someone’s age limit is 30-50, that’s their right. The fact that you think they should want to date someone your age because XYZ is neither here nor there. That’s not your call.

And, no, the fact that some men don’t mind the lie doesn’t change that.

It’s very odd that this is such a difficult concept for you.

ManchesterLu · 28/07/2023 17:31

Look, what's the point? Seriously? Tell the truth, find someone who appreciates you for who you are, not who you're pretending to be.

QueefQueen80s · 29/07/2023 00:38

PousseyNotMoira · 28/07/2023 17:22

I am surprised that so many posters support that it's a man's entitlement to be with women younger than their own age

Literally nobody has said this. No one is entitled to be with anyone. They’re entitled to want to be with whoever they wish and set any criteria (including age) that they like. It doesn’t mean they’re going to get younger women. They’re entitled to want to date Rihanna, if they like. It doesn’t mean they stand a chance.

What people are saying is that you aren’t entitled to lie to circumvent criteria that would exclude you. Nobody is. If someone’s age limit is 30-50, that’s their right. The fact that you think they should want to date someone your age because XYZ is neither here nor there. That’s not your call.

And, no, the fact that some men don’t mind the lie doesn’t change that.

It’s very odd that this is such a difficult concept for you.

But it is gross and entitled for them to even want it. I wouldn't want to be with a man who wanted to date younger, and only opportunity stopped them.

PousseyNotMoira · 29/07/2023 04:30

QueefQueen80s · 29/07/2023 00:38

But it is gross and entitled for them to even want it. I wouldn't want to be with a man who wanted to date younger, and only opportunity stopped them.

Show quote history

It being gross doesn’t change the fact that they can want what they like. I wouldn’t want to be with one of them either, but that’s nothing to do with this thread. OP clearly does want to be with them - to the extent she’s willing to lie to achieve it.

Oatycookies · 29/07/2023 07:12

Livelifelaughter · 28/07/2023 11:09

That's interesting. It doesn't matter to me at 55 if someone doesn't mention they have children until I meet them as sometimes it's nice or helpful to have context such as the children's age; but saying that I don't make assumptions anymore having gone out with a guy with a grown up daughter who seemed to need more attention than an infant...
With jobs, I can understand lying if it's something like Police, M15 something that has a security level.

Show quote history

Yes and I guess at 55 most have kids but I’m a bit younger and still holding out for a child free man, especially as most men who have kids my age will be under 10 years old, and I’m not interested in being a step mum although it is getting harder to find the child free men since I’m not 25 anymore.

My job is not high security but it’s in the creative industry and means I’m all over the internet and they can find me easily if they know my job AND figure out my first name. I don’t want to exactly “lie” about the job but I’d use a far more general generic title to cover up the specifics of what I do. It also weeds out an any potential gold diggers.

I don’t think a decent man should be concerned with what I do for a living anyway - within reason, there are of course some jobs I could understand a man would not want his partner to have eg. Stripper. But it’s nothing like that.

Daffodilwoman · 29/07/2023 07:38

I would not date a liar.
I had a few dates with a man I met online. I found out he had lied about his age- he was still a bit younger than men- and his height.
I decided that if he could lie about these things he could lie about other stuff too.
I would not date any man who would not date a woman the same age as he is. Dh is a few years older than me, but he has dated women older than he is and quite categorically said he could not spend a long time with someone young enough to fe his child.
I also have friends doing OLD and a major red flag is any man 50 plus with very young children. It’s always from shagging as much younger woman and getting her pregnant, then splitting up and him having these dcs on a weekend. No woman I know wants this.
If all sounds like hard work to me op.

Daffodilwoman · 29/07/2023 07:42

Just to clarify, these men already had a family. They had then gone out with much younger women and got them pregnant resulting in a second family.

WunWun · 29/07/2023 07:44

Livelifelaughter · 25/07/2023 18:02

I have my age listed as 47 on my OLD profile and I am actually 54. In the messaging stage at say message number 2, I explain what my real age is. I also only consider men in the 50 -62 age group.
I have literally never had anyone think I am as old as my age, all my pictures are recent.
Most of the men I tell this to are surprised but nice about it.
I explain that it's because some men use age 50 as a cut off on the age selection profile, maybe I am wrong.
A guy messaged me today, and I told him my real age he was really annoyed and felt there was a big gap between my real age and my profile age, I don't think there is, and also he is 52....so we are two years apart, but he thought because of my age I might not keep up with him sexually...well he's wrong on that assumption - I have blocked him anyway. To what extent do you think men are bothered by age on dating apps and want to date youunger in their late 40s, 50s, 60s...

I have ghosted every guy who has ever done this to me on online dating.

Aside from it outing you as a liar, it makes you look extremely insecure about your age.

SmirnoffIceIsNice · 29/07/2023 08:06

Just because they didn't get noticeably angry when you revealed your true age, it doesn't mean they weren't bothered. None of the men have formed a relationship with you, and regardless of what excuse they gave, maybe the large age difference from the profile was an issue.

unfairopinionmaybe · 29/07/2023 08:44

Yeah I wouldn't start a relationship with anyone who lies about anything on their profile again. Last time I did a man aged 20 years from what he'd put on his profile- and yes I did think he looked pretty weathered.

It was the deceit that I should've paid attention to, not the excuses given why he did it that tugged on my naïve heartstrings

He was a compulsive liar

The fact you have an excuse for lying "oopsie btw..." would turn anyone decent off tbh

QueefQueen80s · 29/07/2023 11:02

@PousseyNotMoira True

Oatycookies · 29/07/2023 11:09

unfairopinionmaybe · 29/07/2023 08:44

Yeah I wouldn't start a relationship with anyone who lies about anything on their profile again. Last time I did a man aged 20 years from what he'd put on his profile- and yes I did think he looked pretty weathered.

It was the deceit that I should've paid attention to, not the excuses given why he did it that tugged on my naïve heartstrings

He was a compulsive liar

The fact you have an excuse for lying "oopsie btw..." would turn anyone decent off tbh

What?! Someone said they were 20 years younger than they are…that’s wild.. When did you find out they were lying? I assume after you started the relationship?

SamW98 · 29/07/2023 11:14

unfairopinionmaybe · 29/07/2023 08:44

Yeah I wouldn't start a relationship with anyone who lies about anything on their profile again. Last time I did a man aged 20 years from what he'd put on his profile- and yes I did think he looked pretty weathered.

It was the deceit that I should've paid attention to, not the excuses given why he did it that tugged on my naïve heartstrings

He was a compulsive liar

The fact you have an excuse for lying "oopsie btw..." would turn anyone decent off tbh

My male friend had same thing. He’s 55 and was chatting to a woman online who was 52. They arranged a date and when she arrived she was actually in her 70’s and using her daughters photos. She walked with a stick - and got angry with him saying he was judgemental and shallow. Her argument was they got on so well that she shouldn’t matter

Frogmila · 29/07/2023 11:44

Livelifelaughter · 28/07/2023 14:51

That's not the view many MN take when their husband leaves them for a younger woman....

Show quote history

Not sure what that has got to do with you telling porkies on your OLD profile.

If you're happy doing it, crack on. Not sure of the point of the thread though. Nobody has been outraged or unpleasant, they just haven't affirmed your practice of lying on your profile. Is it that surprising people advocate honesty?