Dh had a lapdance. I feel broken

[Rabbithole90]

I always thought I would be ok if he ever did it. Never goaded him doing it whatsoever or encouraged but he's come home from a stag do and spent OUR money on it. £40.

I feel cheated on. I know I've not been. But I can't help how I feel. I'm so upset

Enjoy the strippers on your hen do girlies and dont forget your dear husband's to be.... Gosh, aren't we all just hypocrites deep down, and those in denial just plain liars.

I got married in 1998 and i didnt have a hen night. Male strippers do not interest me at all.

Some people find what the media tells us is attractive, attractive I dont. I like men who look a bit more lived in Like they have fun. Have had the best sex of my life with someone like this

I just love seeing male being heckled to get their bodily parts out by young and drunken females who already basically have everything out anyway.

Eh? Far fetched here a bit…

Firstly I do not and will not go to a male stripper. I’ve been on 25+ hen dos and not a single one of them entertained the idea of a male stripper. My friends, as far as I am aware, have not seen a male stripper. We’re not a group of Pearl clutching jam making mums, we just have a different outlook on life than you, clearly.

And before you start sprouting off about mad max or magic mike or whoever like is usually spouted off on here, again, no idea what it even is.

Secondly, if you’re unable to see the dynamics are completely different between male and female strippers then there’s no hope. How many males are trafficked across the globe as a result of the sex industry?

So no, we’re not hypocrites or liars, we just have standards/expectations for ourselves and our partners that differ from yours.

Have you read any posts ? The consensus is male strippers are gross and very few women would actually be turned on by seeing one.

Where do I say I'm an expert? I just wanted to point out a few facts.
The dancer's tease the men during a lap dance.
What about a private dance? Who ever paid gets the full attention of the dancer in private for three minutes and yes she will tease him during the dance.... but that is all. A security guard stay's close to make sure the dancer is safe.
It's just a Job for them.

Christ on a bike! When I got married I didn't leave my self-respect at the door, apparently, you did though. I pity you. If you think your husband is ONLY going to a strip club twice a year and not paying to rape prostitutes then you deserve everything you get. I'd rather be single, happy and respect myself than lie down and let a man treat me like a skivvy and a piece of shit.

You're clearly delusional. What kind of example are you setting for your kids? If you have sons you're teaching them women can be bought and sold like cattle. If you have daughters you're teaching them men can do whatever they want to them and they should take it. Where is your self-respect?

This!

Sorry, you seemed pretty certain you know what goes on in all strip clubs and with all strippers. What does "tease" mean? Seems like euphemistic language for rubbing her naked body against the man's.

They're some fucking low standards you've got there! "Oh at least he's not a necrophiliac". My god! 🙄

Never seen one, friends never seen one, wouldn't ever see one.
I think you'll find most if not all of the posters who are against their men doing it, do not think male strippers are okay either.

Hi,

Found out tonight after some detective work that I’m not going crazy, my DH has been having an affair for months with a woman from work (our 1st wedding anniversary is next weekend). He’s gone back to his mums and I’ve stayed home. We have a small amount of debt on credit cards that are in his name and a joint account that just the bills come out of. My heads an absolute mess I’m not sure how I move forward from here, I feel like i’m watching someone else's life blow up. He’s all i’ve ever known and thought we had such a happy marriage just had a feeling something was off but he blamed stress at work. Think I just need a hand hold and some advice on how you got through it would be massively appreciated 😭😭 Thank you.

Sorry didn’t mean to post it on here 😭

@Daisyde copy and paste this into a new thread lovely. Hope you are ok

But when you came on this forum you left your respect for posters with different opinions at the door, marking baseless claims their husbands rape prostitutes!

male strippers mist have a hard life as afraid clubs and pubs are already filled with men taking off their clothes and trying to rub themselves on every woman in there...i'd pay to avoid it, not to have more of it!

Yep this.

@CakeyBakeyHeart you do you, but people are not unreasonable when they expect more their husbands to not go to strip clubs

in a nicest way possible - nobody needs a man so desperately to put up with this kind of shit, not even people who think they do

@CakeyBakeyHeart you do you, but people are not unreasonable when they expect more their husbands to not go to strip clubs

Agreed

The idea of going to see male strippers is gruesome. Not attractive or sexy at all to me.

Oh dear that’s weak!

Never been, never would can’t imagine anything worse. Neither have most of my female friends, we’re entirely uninterested. No hypocrisy here.

I’ve never been either, never would. Have been asked my friends before.. I’ve said no thanks! So certainly wouldn’t expect my partner to be swayed by mates.

OP, I hope you are doing ok. An absolute headfuck. Has he agreed to talk to you about it yet?

I think the way it stands at the moment, if you want to know the details of it all, then he should be giving them to you. he doesn't get to drop this bombshell and then say to you that its none of your business and he doesn't want to talk about it.

I can't imagine what I'd be feeling if I was in the same boat as you, but I know I would feel absolutely crushed.

The fact he knows your self esteem isn't the greatest at the moment and he did that absolutely leaves his excuse of he didn't think you'd mind as an absolute lie. Its not rocket science.

I don't know what to advise really, except listen to how you feel and know its ok to feel however you do about this. And its all on him. He has done this to you, his stupid pathetic actions had consequences, and those consequences are hurting the person he loves in the most crushing way possible. I bet it would of be far less painful if he'd just punched you in the stomach.

And don't let him make you think for one second you are over reacting, over senstive about it etc and whatever else he will likely come up with to try and make you shut up about it.

At the very least its going to be something that affects you for a very long time. For him, it might have been a stupid fleeting thing that meant nothing and he'll forget about it in a couple of weeks. But I think you need to make him realise that for you, its not something that is going away anytime soon, if ever.

He has royally fucked up. If he doesn't own that and give you exactly what YOU need right now, whatever that may be, he is adding to your pain. He needs to know this! Perhaps needs it spelling out to him - as he is apparntly so thick as to assume you'd of been ok with it.

he is apparntly so thick as to assume you'd of been ok with it.

He treats op like a doormat at home, so why would he not think he could get away with shit like this with her too??