Dh had a lapdance. I feel broken

[Rabbithole90]

I always thought I would be ok if he ever did it. Never goaded him doing it whatsoever or encouraged but he's come home from a stag do and spent OUR money on it. £40.

I feel cheated on. I know I've not been. But I can't help how I feel. I'm so upset

If you are cool about strippers.. next step on the slippery slope is onlyfans and then being balls deep in a young prostitute while you sit at home laughing at women with standards on mumsnet 😆

All this says is you are shit at picking men.

@TomAllenWife "He doesn't objectify women I get treated like a princess"

Love me a bit of irony!

@CurlewKate 🙌🏽

I don't have any red flags here thanks, I love being treated well.
I get respected for my intelligence and career and he thinks I'm amazing

In 48 years he's managed to not be balls deep in a prostitute so not sure why he would now.
But that's a boundary neither of us would accept

A £20 dance in a shitty town bar? Meh I just can't be bothered to even think about it

Think the lady doth protest too much 🤣

@TomAllenWife no you shouldn't end it in my opinion as you clearly are fine with it- but I think it's a really individual thing on how you feel about sleaze- same goes with frequent porn use. Problem for me is it totally turns me off them, which means not only do I not want sex, I don't want them touching me at all-maybe that's just me but it's a very real thing mentally and I don't like it going on and carrying on if they know it upsets me -

😂😂😂

@Crikeyalmighty I think you're totally right
It's what the individuals in the relationship find acceptable
What's ok for me is not ok for you and that's fine

For the OP I don't think it's appropriate for randoms to be telling her to end the relationship based one one small piece of information

Yep agree. You may not stand his guts but hey ho, it’s not forever, remember.

Totally agree. Ransoms are a powerful group here on MN. You guys are essentially bullying her into feeling even worse about it.

Its no secret that men are grosser than women. What about that story in the paper where the guy found a dead body recently and instead of reporting it his DNA was found in 39 places on her body, he kept it hidden so he can fondle a dead persons body. How anyone could even think of that is beyond me. Imagine what this guys wife must be going through. Hell.

Your guy in nowhere near that at least, so some perspective and just live yr life.

My dh has experienced just that. He declined. He went for a curry instead. Two other of the men joined him. Just not their thing.

Dh knows my views on these places. Fortunately he feels the same - I think his views are even more focused as his dd has gotten older. The young wine who would be performing who have been likely younger than dd and her friends. He found that idea really distasteful.

I've also declined a male 'dance' group type activity and simple went home early. Wasn't the only one to opt out.

Not all grown adults feel the need to give in to peer pressure

@Jonti23 if openly showing upset gives your partner an upper hand the that relationship sucks and should end.

Being with someone should mean they care for us, respect us and that we can trust them. That includes being vulnerable around them - and it sounds like overall this man is useless in many ways, not just by going to strip clubs

It's interesting that often once one person in the group shows a disinclination, often others decide to opt out too.

He doesn't objectify women

He is objectifying the women he is paying to dace for him.
He is supporting a business where women's bodies are out on sale usually by men and for men.

Why do you think he is in those places if it isn't to objectify a women and her body?
He's not heading there for the quality or price of the drinks, or for the good conversation with his mates. He'd go to a normal bar for that!

yeah, i bet he wasn't...

without so much snark - a lot of people would not consider themselves to be respected being in your situation, because they would never want to be with someone going to strip clubs. what works for you may sound like an awful compromise for someone else

I think what it comes down to is that some men just value the opinions of other random men on a night out and they would rather disappoint the women in their lives.

Most of them (as can be seen on this thread) would rather not face any consequences for that - because they are cowards. And that for me is just not very attractive.

@TomAllenWife IN 48 years? So you have been with him for 48 years How old is he?

@TomAllenWife I wouldn't be ending it based just on this- but I would be telling him my personal thoughts and views on it most certainly.

It may be however it's the icing on the cake given OPs posts and he's actually an arse in so many other ways- we can only go by what the OP says

Okay, man doth protest too much 😂

"Laughable, and those of you saying you'd end your marriages, pensions, lives, security over one dance - I call bullshit! Unless there were other issues"

Do you need your DH for pension and security and a life? Wow 😔

You've been with your DH for 48 years? So he's most likely in his 70's? And he pays women, who are young enough to be his granddaughter, to strip off and show him their tits and fanny, and your response is "Meh".

How utterly grim.

@TomAllenWife it smells of desperation when you view a divorce as "ending one's life"

A couple of years ago, one of DH's friends was getting married. The best man texted DH and said the venue was a strip joint. Before I could even process how I felt about it, he got another text saying "Mate, the strip club isn't happening, none of the wives are having it". And they went camping instead. Made me laugh how quickly that plan was shot down in flames. It's perfectly okay not to want your DH to be inside those places.

Also, if you found your DH next door, with your neighbour draped over him naked, that would be cheating. Why is it different if it's been paid for?

He might not be balls deep in them, but he wishes he was. Why else would he go?